Confused?

ugomimi

MMy DH has AD , diagnosed 2016. This January I had COVID, so sick! Managed to make it through caring for DH who also was positive. After 14 days and incredible fatigue we were out of quarantine. March 1st I had symptoms of UTI and fever, chills . DH forgets why I am on the couch, or that I am sick.. On my 2nd antibiotic now. I need a break. I just cannot take care him myself!. 2 weeks ago I drove my car into a picture window, no injuries. My daughter in law has helped me and driving him to adult day. I was trying to decide about respite or memory cars placement. Today she told me DH has been commuicating well with her, and maybe I just need to try harder at home. Indicating he only goes to day program to give me a break. I felt devastated. Am I crazy? It is so hard even tthinking about placement or leaving my DH in a facility for 4 days but this just felt so hurtful. I do not want to offend her, so I use this forum to help me validate Im not crazy.

M1

You're the one living it ugomimi, not her. Maybe the change in routine is bringing out his ability to Showtime. Hope you feel better quickly. I guess it's good she's willing to help but that does not give her the right to second guess you.

AlyJo

I also have relatives that are around a little and then give me suggestions.  You are right, it is so different when you are living it full time.

amicrazytoo

Ugomimi - Here's a conversation I had with my SIL last Sunday. She called to wish me a happy belated birthday it was 5:15 PM.

Her: Happy Birthday, sorry I didn't call on your birthday.

Me: No worries, I had a good one, my co-workers went all out to make my day special.

Her: What did John do for your birthday?

Me: Nothing, he didn't even know it was my birthday.

Her:  You've got to be kidding! It is really that bad?

Me: No kidding, would you like to speak with him? He's in bed, but gets up every half hour to check that the dog is inside.

Her: No, I don't want to wake him, but seriously, he's in bed? Is it that bad?

Me: Yes, it's that bad. No you would not be waking him, as he gets up every half hour to check on the dog.

Her: No don't wake him. I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday.

Me: Our dinner is about ready, so I have to go, thanks for calling. Love you, bye.

Is it that bad? How's John doing? I hear that all the time from his side of the family and some friends.  What I want to say is, "Yes, it is that bad, and there is no chance it will get freaking better. I'd prefer if you stopped asking!"

 
But I don't.

Ed1937

We've seen a lot of posts about other people not having any idea what is going on. Sometimes I think they just don't want to know, or they are in denial. Whatever the reason, we should all realize that we're the ones who know what's happening, and we're the ones making decisions. Just another hurt to deal with. Thank God we have each other.

Mimi, I'm glad you didn't get hurt in that crash. Hope you feel better soon.

Marie58

ugomimi wrote:

... I need a break. I just cannot take care him myself!. 2 weeks ago I drove my car into a picture window, no injuries. My daughter in law has helped me and driving him to adult day. I was trying to decide about respite or memory cars placement... Indicating he only goes to day program to give me a break. I felt devastated. Am I crazy?...

ugomimi, you are NOT crazy but you are stressed, fighting an infection, and caregiving for a PWD. YOU are the one living with this 24/7. If you have access to an Adult Day Program, use it and don't feel guilty that you need a break. If you can get some respite, do it, you need it. And if it's time for placement, it's time for placement. Your physical and emotional health are important, too. So glad you were not hurt in your accident. Take care.