Trying to smile when it is breaking your heart

Potsie

I was visiting my DH this evening at the Advanced Living Facility. I had a long day accompanying my brother to the Mayo Clinic for the day and I couldn't wait to get back to town to see him. He was finishing dinner when I arrived. It was so hard to see him sitting at the table alone. All the other residents had finished and were in their rooms. It broke my heart to see him sitting alone. I usually visit in the afternoon for three hours. I took him to his room' washed him up, put a clean shirt on for bed and sat next to him while he eyed up his bed. After we got him into bed I massaged his feet and the snuggled by him on his bed. I always pray with him and hold his hands. I asked him if he would hold my hand and he replied "no!" He usually nods to everything I ask him. I don't know what he can understand and it took me by surprise. I held his hand anyway. It seemed like he wasn't sure who I was tonight. I still know who he is and I will continue to treat him like my husband. I want so much for him to just say my name and hug me. It is just so hard!!!

Crushed

DW has now been in MC for 3 years and 5 months. The last flicker of personal recognition was  2 years ago.   I just have had to accept that the wonderful woman I married was simply gone.  The shell she left behind looks like her and is a human being deserving of my care and respect but she  is not the person I married in 1975.  The brilliant physician, the splendid mother, the enthusiastic grandmother,  and the patient ,warm, caring, fun  loving wife were all gone.  Otherwise you can drive yourself crazy searching for some sign of recognition and connection.  I could so desperately want a spousal response that I would  interpret random acts as indicating she was still there.  Yes, she likes a hug,  but there is nothing special about ME .

It's hard beyond belief.