Outings from MC

DDNNYC

Mom has been in MC for about a month now and was basically homebound for months before that due to not driving + Covid.  She seems to finally be settling into the MCF a bit and I'm hoping will be reasonably comfortable within another month or two.  

Looking ahead, as things are opening up and might be closer to normal over the summer, I'm curious whether people take their LO out of MC to go shopping or to a restaurant or even a family member's home (not their old home) for a holiday or a get together with others.  FWIW, she has mid-late Vascular Dementia, not Alzheimers, so she is constantly confused and has no short term memory anymore, but generally knows who people are and retains some longer term memory.  

Obviously, I'll consult with the staff at the MCF before doing anything, but I'm just wondering what others have experienced - whether the PWD has enjoyed getting out or if it's just too confusing and/or too upsetting when they go back to the MCF.

ladyzetta

My DH was in MC for 2 years. The first year I took him out a few times a week. It always had to be someplace where he did not have to get out of the car. I always made sure he went to the bathroom before we left. 

I would take him for rides around our town, I did not want to get too far away just incase he had to go to the bathroom. We would go through drive throughs for coffee and lunch. I always had our little dog with me so we would go park at the park and have lunch and let the little dog out to play. We would spend a hour or so. 

We never got more then 20 miles away from the facility. I never took him to someone's house but at times I would get real close to our house and he never knew where we were. We live in a small town and he never recognized any part of it. But he did enjoy the ride. 

Then when we got back to MC the ladies/staff would bring out his wheelchair and help him out of the car. He was confused but he did enjoy the ride. I don't think he knew he was confused. 

 Just give it a try and see what works. It took me a few times to get things figured out.  

Deanna_M

My mother had moved into a MC facility early in the Alz disease when she was still doing pretty well. I had the idea that she might enjoy going out and tried to take her to lunch, to my house, etc. She was always really nervous and withdrawn when she was out. I was always amazed at how her demeanor would change when she walked back into the door of the facility. She would instantly perk up and become like her old self.

I felt bad that I did not take her out too much, but it really did not work for her. She was far more comfortable with the predictability and quiet of the facility.

Like ladyzetta suggested, give it a try! Your Mom may enjoy going out.

Deanna_M

Hi- my mother was placed in a MC facility pretty early in her disease progression, so she still was fairly functional. I had the idea that she might enjoy going out to lunch, shopping, visiting our house, etc. But I quickly found that on these little outings that she became withdrawn and very nervous. Once I would take her back to the facility, she would quickly perk up and become more of her usual self.

I realized that it was really not in her best interests to take her out. It genuinely distressed her. I had felt like I was being a neglectful daughter by not taking her on outings...I probably was more worried about what others thought about how I was treating my mom.

I ended up spending more time with her at the activities and meals in the facility. I enjoyed the time I had with her then. She was relaxed, the games and activities were fun, and I treasured getting to know the other residents and staff.

You will figure out what's best for your Mom. Like ladyzetta said, give outings a try! Your mom may enjoy them; or she may not. 

MN Chickadee

My mother (after a lengthy period of adjustment to MC) would not do well with a change in routine such as coming to a family member's home. The noise and activity of new people is overwhelming. A group of people talking about stuff she doesn't follow and the stimulation was a no-go. It wasn't enjoyable for her or us, and she was ready to leave about 15 minutes in. A holiday would be even worse for my mom, with excited kids and higher expectations. Pre-pandemic we had taken to visiting her the day before the holiday and having a small simple gathering of immediate family at her MC and leaving it at that. 

Every day is the same at MC like the Groundhog Day movie, and that's by design. Most PWD thrive on that and need it. Changing that up is often to make the family feel better, not the PWD, because we are trying to give them what we would want but not what they need now. We did still take her on outings but only very simple ones. Others do more or less, it just depends on the person. We would go to the park and sit and watch the birds, take a walk, go for a scenic drive and listen to her favorite music in the car. Most often though we stay on the grounds of the facility. Sit in the court yard, take slow walk and sit on the benches and just enjoy the sunshine. In the early days it was very difficult to get her back into the MC. She had to be cajoled and I had to make discreet exits like going in with her and then excusing myself to the bathroom and slipping out.  I did not even try public places like a store or restaurant. Not everyone is understanding and she certainly didn't act normal in public, so it just became stressful for both of us. But each PWD is different. You'll have to just see how it goes. I might start with short easy outings and see how they go and if she enjoys them and ask the staff how she is afterwards to gauge if the outing is helping or hurting her mental health. 

zauberflote

My mom was in AL in her home village for a few years, with twice weekly (or more) outings to church, plus major outings when either bro or I were visiting monthly. Picnics at the state park up on the Heldeburg Escarpment, Met Opera simulcasts at the movie theater (often she fell asleep!), Grandma's Pies&Café for lunch and pie, the foot spa (not a fun one), extra church outing, dinner with sis (not usually successful-- the restaurant always had some unforeseen noisy event), several times summer supper AT sis's, always a success. 

Then we moved her to my city for MC, and I had promised alllll the concerts. I did come through with live concerts, music church services, more opera, coffee at Starbucks parking lot, a café supper-- she, a tiny 5'2" lady, managed to slide herself up onto the seat of my huge older Toyota "mini"van! But eventually the activities became too much for her, and we enjoyed walks in her little courtyard, coffee, ice cream, and things wound down into stage 6.8, 7.... and she died. We did what we could, and generally she was happier if bro or I were with her than elsewhere, although the AD was a shameless flirt (she at 90 being twice his age and quite enjoying the attention!) and escorted her personally to some activities which photo evidence showed her enjoying greatly. 

It's different for each person. Some members here advise staying away from MC for a very long time. If I'd done that she would have died only having seen me (and possibly forgotten me) a few times. Wouldn't have worked. I learned so much from her in those last 16 months....

Jgiles9289

My mom moved to MC approx 9 months before covid shut everything down.  In the beginning I took her out to get our nails done and occasional outings when some family came to visit like lunch at a restaurant or a movie. I found it got difficult for her quickly because her new norm didn’t include being in a car consistently and because I moved her to live near me, she didn’t recognize any of the area. It appeared to make my mom pretty anxious driving in unfamiliar areas and she always seemed relieved to get back to her new home. Then having covid hit, she hasn’t left in over a year, so my plan is to not even attempt it unless necessary when we are allowed again.

ADH77

For the first 2 years my mom lived in memory care, I took her out to lunch and shopping when we would visit, which she enjoyed. During the last year+, however, the disease has progressed substantially, and I'm thinking next time we're able to visit, that I probably won't take her out anymore, since she's not really able to converse anymore and she's become quite incontinent.

For your own mother, I think it depends on how much her dementia has progressed. Do you think she (and you) would enjoy the outing? Or would it be more trouble than it's worth? 

LisaLH

I've come to the same conclusion as many have said.  My dad is so use to his routine that he becomes "out of sorts" when we want to take him somewhere(even though he says he wants to go) or change his routine. I have felt guilty but know spending time with him no matter where is what is important.  He has been there a year and a half and we will be moving him to a smaller "apartment' in a couple of months but luckily its at the same place.  I'm still dreading how hard the change is going to be on him