Now my mom

RanchersWife

I’m in the midst of caring for my MIL (three years into this ordeal) and now my mom has been dxed. I’m visiting for Spring Break and can see her starting to struggle and be frustrated with small things. I’ve lost my person I lean on when things are hard. I don't want to tell her all the things my mil is going through. That’s just cruel because it could be my mom’s future. I can, of course, talk to my husband but it’s his mom we are currently caring for and he’s going through the same things right beside me. We have our heads down and are taking one step at a time together to get through this. I’m trying to enjoy this week because it’s still really early for my mom. 

The second time around hurts more but you’re numb or tougher and you can bear it, I guess. 

M1

So sorry to hear it RW.  I don't know that having been through it before helps, it's still hard and you know what's coming.  Glad you are getting to spend some time with her though.

ebplionis

I'm so sorry, that must be incredibly difficult.  I know its not the same as your mother, or a loved one, but I'm about to join a local support group- fingers crossed it'll provide me some much needed relief and resources.  Many groups meet remotely due to covid, so there is an added benefit of not needing to leave the house when you are already overwhelmed.  Good luck

LaurenB

Rancherswife, I'm sorry you are going through this.  I was just explaining to my husband that since my mom's dx of Alz, I've also lost my "person."  We could always converse about the news/husbands/friends etc...  She just isn't able to participate at that level anymore.  It's sad.

mrsfnulnu

I'm so sorry to hear your mom has been diagnosed.  I just lost my mom at the end of January.  She was diagnosed four years ago and had some significant underlying health concerns.  My father was diagnosed two years ago.  I have to say I am in shock over *all* of this because only a few years ago, in 2015, my parents were leading a group of artists all over Italy and here we are now, my mother has passed and my dad is declining rapidly.  I think it's important to remember that although you have been through dementia with your MIL, your mother's own trajectory may be quite different and we must resist the temptation to expect the worst.  I know already that my dad's course has been and probably will continue to be much different from my mom's.  That is good and bad.  The one positive thing having gone through it already does is teach us resilience and to try to focus on the good moments.  I hope I am able to remember this advice myself.  Good luck to you.