I can only see one way out

2 Young

I can’t do it anymore

feudman

How can we help? We are here for you. You matter to us to and to your family. Please reach out to us or others if you are having feelings of self-harm.

You can call 1-800-273-8255 anytime, or just dial 911. 

towhee

We hear you. You matter to us. Please reach out and talk to someone.

Joe C.

2 Young, Please keep talking. We all know how difficult this journey but with the support here and elsewhere you can get through this. I have been in counseling for 2 - 1/2 years and that really helps me. Perhaps having someone you could talk with on a regular basis may help. Check with you insurance company, you may have coverage.

June45

2 Young, so many of us get what you are saying. Every day is a struggle; sometimes every minute is a struggle. Tell us what's going on. We are your family of fellow caregivers.

Ed1937

2 young, please post. There is help.

caberr

I also feel at times I can't do it anymore but hang in there you can!  Take Joe C's advice, find someone to talk to.  I did and it truly helps.  I also do a zoom support group every other week.  This was set up by our town's visiting nurse through Alz association.  Please reach out to whoever you can.

abc123

Dear 2 Young, please post and let us know how you are. Please.

2 Young

I’m better now. Just overwhelmed with sadness and feeling like there’s no end to the physical and mental exhaustion. I know you all understand what I’m talking about and it truly does help to have your support. I would never harm myself. Ever. But I’m not going to lie, it has crossed my mind. Again, would never do it. Thank you for listening and caring.

amicrazytoo

Glad you are better, I completely agree with you. The thought has also crossed my mind, however, I am thankful to have never followed through. I'm sure more people have had the same thoughts, but are not willing to admit it, thinking it's a shortcoming. It's not, it's an emotion like all others, it comes and goes. Take good care of yourself.

June45

2 Young, good to hear back from you.  I get it. There are many times I feel just like you did. But I think of my 2 grandchildren.  Even though I don't have family near by, I have a sister I can call when I get on the edge.  She always "talks me down".  And we are your "other" family if you don't have anyone to talk to.

Beachfan

I think you are incredibly brave to have recognized your feelings and to have reached out for help and advice.  You are probably much stronger than you think.  I will pray for you; that’s the best I can offer from here.  Hang in there.  Keep in touch.

David J

2 Young, yes you are too young. Some others here are too young, too old, and sometimes feel it’s both.  But this is a really supportive group, and we lift each other up when needed; all you have to do is reach out. Some have the support of family and some are alone. Some deal with the hardships very well and some use therapy. So no matter what you are dealing with or how you’re dealing with it, there is help. Keep posting; you will help other people as you are helped.

Ed1937

It's great to see you posting again. Any time you feel like you can't do it anymore, get on the forum. There is also a forum on facebook, with a lot of traffic. You can probably get help there if nobody is around here. Here's a link. https://www.facebook.com/groups/dementiacareblazers/about  Keep posting.

jfkoc

You are still here......good. So please share with us....always. We do understand and what's more we may be able to be share some practical advice to keep the "overwhelmed" at bay.

I remember the first line of my first post....Does anyone feel like just running away? 

I meant just walking out! Really. I could do no more!!!!

You are now one of us and we will not let you go.

M1

2young, a wise person once told me that those thoughts of self-harm are a symptom of depression and exhaustion, just like a cough is a symptom of pneumonia.  When you feel that way, important to recognize it and treat the underlying issues.  Sounds like you did just that--glad you reached out.  Keep doing so.....

anneleigh

2young,  prayers and hugs for you today!

2 Young

You all are really great and have restored my faith in humanity. Thank you for all your kind words.

Nanpav

2 Young, I know, we know how you feel. Some days are endless. My DH is gone now but I remember wishing for the day to just be over. Yet when it came time to sleep, I didn’t want to go to bed because I knew morning would come all too soon. 

Much of my strength came from this group. I rarely posted but I read posts daily and found comfort in knowing I wasn’t alone in this struggle.  We know your exhaustion, your pain and your anguish. Keep coming back to talk. It will help. 

White Crane

2 young, I'm so glad you are feeling better!  You've been in my prayers.  Please keep posting and talking.

Rennbird

My heart goes out to you.  No one in the outside world understands what you are going through.  

I placed my husband in Memory Care because I was broken.  One of the things that helped me was when I was able to let go of all expectation.  I was raised a Catholic and as a result, when I looked into my husbands eyes, I saw the suffering Christ. Memory Care became a sacred place.  For me,I recognized that I was called to unconditional love for this man.  My husband was still my husband but it was time to give him over to God.  With me, he was a pilgrim living out his days on this spiritual road.   Do not abandon yourself.  You are an important part of his journey.  In the beginning, I thought my death was the only answer.  Gradually, things opened up for me but nothing was ever perfect.  The road to Golgotha is fraught with horror.  Each of us on this journey,  has our own Stations of the Cross.

I understand your pain and I know that what I have written here is not everyone’s opinion.  It was the way I could best cope by looking at my challenge through spiritual eyes and drawing on the faith of my childhood.  My husband died on December 7, 2019, Pearl Harbor Day.  He was a Navy Officer for 24 years.  On the day he died, a fawn came by his window and I was reminded of the Biblical verse, “As a deer yearns for running streams, so I yearn for you, my God.” Psalms 42:1-6.

tryingtolearn

Thank you for posting to give us an update

you were on my mind and sending you positive thoughts 

This is an incredibly overwhelming life

I know 

AzCrazy Diamond

I've been there, 2Young, and from your handle I guess perhaps you are from a relatively younger demographic, as am I. I wonder sometimes, is this the rest of my life? Is there any light at the end of the tunnel? There doesn't seem to be any path that goes someplace even remotely neutral. A few tips I've learned...

Spent years in therapy/treatment for mental illness (and pervasive and endless thoughts of self-harm) and learned hella coping strategies for remaining mentally healthy, which have been vital during  Covid. Those same skills help deal with DW.

Stop looking at the end of the tunnel for some light. Look at today. Right now. That's all there is. Past is gone, future is unknown. That doesn't mean reckless disregard; it means you can't plan for any and every possible path; trying to do so will cripple you and preclude enjoying the good of today.

Don't try to be super-person and put up with all of it cuz you're supposed to or others can or you're a horrible person if you don't. You're human. Walk away when you need to. Don't leave them in a dangerous circumstance, but if you need to get away find a way to do it. Isolate within the house for a while. Do something YOU enjoy. Social media, Sudoku, TV, solitaire. Know your limit and don't exceed it. 

Talk to others. I don't unload all my troubles on others, that can be overwhelming for them. I relish just having a normal, human, adult, rational conversation about reality. A shared TV show, family "news" (gossip), faith, some new sciencey thing, anything light and pleasant and NOT about sickness. Anything that can make me feel warm and normal and laugh. Keep me grounded in reality. Remind me that there is truth, goodness, love, and joy in the world and I can participate in it, even if it's very limited.

Serenity prayer. Don't try to control or blame yourself for something you cannot control or isn't your responsibility.

Eliminate all expectations. Desire -> expectation -> disappointment  -> suffering. You get what you get, good or bad. Enjoy the good. Let the bad float on by like flotsam on a river. 

Don't get sucked into their world. Stay in reality. They need you to, even if they don't realize it.

Reach out and get help if you need it. Coming here is very helpful cuz then I know I'm not alone.

Mint

AzCrazy Diamond,  Enjoyed your post.  Thank You