Is she in the right place?

Klgm326

 Hi all!

My mom is 95. She has been in AL for about 18 months. Last month, she had an episode one morning and we feared a stroke. Apparently her dementia just accelerated and her confusion increased x3 at least. I moved her to a different home with memory care that I’ve only heard positive comments about. She has been there two weeks and I am constantly feeling I made a bad decision. She is now in a wheelchair after her hospital stay (she’s been struggling with her knees but being in the bed for 5 days seemed to weaken them tremendously). She’s also incontinent, so with the new wheelchair status, she requires help. She has been obsessive for a while but it’s multiplied—the schedule is wrong, the food is cold and unedible, nobody comes to check in on her, etc are the daily rundowns she gives me. With Covid restrictions, I can only visit once a week but we videochat daily. She did see the psychiatrist who put her on Zoloft, so I’m hopeful it will help. My worry is maybe I should look for a different place. She’s never been unable to adapt before. What if she really doesn’t feel good in this environment? Ughhh...Glad to have found this group..,thanks for listening.

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MrsAnnabelLee

I'm so sorry this must all be very stressful for you. I just want to echo the previous poster that, yes, she is in the best care level. Moving her anywhere else would cause further confusion and frustration. It is probably very difficult to assess your loved one's cognition level when there was such a significant decline that happened so quickly, but that is not uncommon in certain types of dementia. Because of this decline, adjustment is a terribly slow process and as mentioned, it may seem like it never happens. Just say whatever brings the most comfort to her in the moment, "I'll look into that right now" is a good one, and know that she is where she needs to be.

Klgm326

Thank you both for your comments. I know she must be in memory care...my concern is whether my current choice is correct. She feels they’re not very caring. I admit I’m a little concerned about some of their policies and their inefficiency in getting her PT up and running (2 weeks sitting in her wheelchair so far). 

I have addressed these issues. I’m beginning to feel like they’re not listening or that I’m a bother (much of what my mother says she feels). Ugh...so hard to know what to do. 

aod326

Hi. From what I've read on here, it's common for the LO to complain that they're not being fed, or the staff are nasty etc., and of course to say they want to come home. Most people settle after a while. 

Having said that, if you have doubts, how about looking for a potential alternative, so that if you still feel concerned in another 3 or 4 weeks, that you're ready to move her? It's like the old joke: just because you're paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get you! The first MC in which I placed DH, he wasn't getting the right care, which led to unnecessary hospital visits. The second MC was great. I would base your decision on what YOU see and experience, rather that what your mom reports. The delay in PT is frustrating - and could be a red flag - but there is always an admin delay going from hospital/acute care, to a different setting.

Very best of luck with this difficult situation.

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Klgm326

She was able to walk the length of the hallway at rehab two weeks ago. Sadly, they’ve done nothing since she’s been at MC That’s part of why I’m concerned. After five days in the hospital, she needed a wheelchair. Now it’s been two weeks at MC with no PT.

Cynbar

If she's at MC, the PT is usually done by an outside home care agency, such as the Visiting Nurses. MC wouldn't have their own therapists on staff. Call the facility and find out if a referral was made, and to whom. Then call that agency and find out why there is a delay. And if no referral was made, call her PCP office and ask for one.

Klgm326

Hi all!

I appreciate all of your insights. It just didn’t feel like things were improving for my mama. So I contacted her previous placement and talked to them about their memory care. I had always heard good things, but it was quite a bit higher and a bit further away. But it just “felt better” and I always felt that they went the extra mile at the AL. So after some prayer and many different interactions (and them making it affordable for us), she will be moving this week. She is very excited. I think it’s the quality of interactions with staff...her current setting “takes care of her,” but doesn’t seem to “care about her,” if that makes sense. There is one person, a med tech, who takes his time, talks to her, explains things, asks about her pictures, etc. She loves him! That’s what I expect instead if “nothing seems to satisfy her.” So, wish us luck in our new adventure. I feel like they even listened to me with more interest instead of getting the feeling I was “bothering them” by asking that they hook up Internet for her (that I am providing). Anyway...I’m going with my gut. Mama is confused, but clear enough to have feelings. Ahhh...

Thanks for listening 

jfkoc

Sometimes paying attention to our "gut" is best. Please do keep us updated.

Klgm326

Thanks so much! I will

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Klgm326

Hopeful she will feel welcomed and secure. Thank you!

Klgm326

Hi everybody!

We moved Mama last Friday to the new MC. We believe it has made a difference. Her attitude is much calmer and she seems happier during our daily videochats. I’m not hearing the complaints like I was in the previous place. Every single time I’ve called, somebody has popped in her room for one reason or another. Once, a caretaker answered my call and had to go out into their living room to bring her into the room I am very happy I listened to her and to my gut. From the first day, I felt like they were much more interactive with her. I just wanted to let everybody know that I appreciate the encouragement from your comments. I’m learning so much from all of you!