Need to tell what's going on before I go insane

jawarrior

Hello All,

I'm new, name is Jamark.

 I have to tell someone what's going on else I don't know how much longer I would be here. I've loved mom since I first knew her. She'd cry, I would cry. If she was in pain, I'd take it so she wouldn't have to feel it, though it didn't work very well. I love mom and don't want this to be, but now, it is what it is.

So, mom's diagnosis 2 years ago was simply "dementia".

I've been doing what I can to help her, despite the fact that I'm physically and mentally disabled. It is so difficult for me, and I'm stressed out so terrible that sometimes I don't know how much longer I can deal with mom, til I finally have enough and spontaneous combust. But I have a feeling if I did, it would be my last, because as of this moment, I don't think I can keep going.

I'm so tired and exhausted. 

Not to mention that I discovered I'm experiencing a sort of Spiritual Awakening, and that's stressful enough, because now, I feel that karma is out of order for other people, yet in full working order for me.

I want to have time for myself but it seems impossible.

Mom also acts as if my very presence bothers her. She's EXTREMELY aggressive without her zoloft. She's off meds for dementia because aricept caused too bad of diarrhea, the other (mem...?) caused this recent hallucination.

So now mom's had her 2nd hallucination that I'm aware of. I want to spend more time with her, but she is very impatient and bitterly hateful, and all she does is watch Netflix. (I'm a YT guy, not exactly Netflix unless I must).

she does do laundry, but it's not very good... she leaves wet clothes in dryer without turning it on, I find them the next day. She also puts too much in at a time to wash, and tons of other things.

Brother claims he'll help, and to call if i need him, but when I do, he takes it allout of context and gets mad at me for god-knows-what.

I really need help and support through this, and I have no one to help.

I need cervical spine surgery, it's very important to get it done, but I've put it off because it would be done out of town, and I don't want to stress her with helping me, though really it's high priority to get that surgery done, because I have 2 more after that - knee, which I've had surgery on both already, but they said there's degenerative changes in it. Also I need overdue hernia surgery. But I don't want to burden mom... 

I wish I could just be healed.

Is there anybody out there who can relate?

With Tremendous Gratitude,

Jamark

Iris L.

Hang in there, Jamark!  In the morning more members will respon with good support.  You've been doing great so far.  But caregiving for a PWD (person with dementia) requires learning new knowledge and new techniques.  Also requires getting help.  If you think the Zoloft was helping, you may have to try to crush it and hide it in food or coffee.  Check with the pharmacist.  Or your mom may need to have a consultation with a geriatric psychiatrist, who is a specialist in medications for PWDs. This might be in the office or even in a geriatric psychiatric hospital.  Hold on, you're not alone.  

Iris L.

David J

Jamark- I will take your description of yourself at face value and say that you are not in physical or emotional state to be your mom’s sole caregiver. You need help. Your brother needs to accept this and step up.  If he doesn’t, you need to get outside help. Don’t let being a caregiver affect your own health!  Do whatever it takes to make your brother help. See a Certified Elder Law Attorney (CELA) if you can afford it or check with local public agencies. Others will have more specific advice, from experience closer to yours. 

Good luck and stay connected to this forum. 

Dave