Dementia -Sexual comments

Windsor320

My Father has made sexual and lewd comments to me.  It is very upsetting and frightening.  Since I am his only care taker and he is living with me.  Is there a way to stop this behavior?

MrsAnnabelLee

I am so sorry, I can't imagine how that must make you feel. Understand that while it is very disturbing, it is also not abnormal with this disease. It's possible your father is confusing you with your mother, and is not aware of the inappropriateness of his comments. This is an issue that his doctor may be able to provide some medication to help alleviate. Aside from that, just distract. As soon as he begins to make a comment like that, hand him a snack or a magazine or put on a TV show, whatever can get him on another train of thought.

mrsfnulnu

I'm so sorry for you.  I hope you know you are not alone, but I realize that your living situation makes it difficult for you to avoid this horribly unsettling behavior.  My father has not made comments like that to me but has started making wholly inappropriate comments to others and his filter seems to be deteriorating by the day.  I find it hard to express to others why this is so upsetting to me to hear about, even second hand.  The most upsetting part, so far, is that my mother passed away less than 2 months ago (she also had dementia) and suddenly he seems to have nearly forgotten about her and is talking about finding a new wife.  We must just keep reminding ourselves that it is the disease talking, not our dads.  Hang in there.

harshedbuzz

I am sorry you are experiencing this all too common behavior.

Some time in the midstages, my dad made an inappropriate advance towards one of my adult nieces. She was obviously very distraught over this because it wasn't clear that he was confused about who she was at the time and she doesn't really resemble my mother as a younger woman.

He was also very unfiltered in his discussion of all things sexual. For a time he was stuck on telling about sexual exploits that would have landed him in prison; around that time we stopped taking him anywhere but his doctor's appointments. 

Medication can sometimes dial back this kind of behavior, but not for dad. He was already on an SSRI, an antipsychotic and was doing androgen deprivation therapy for prostate cancer and still it bubbled up. It seemed worse in the midstages.

Windsor320

Thank you.  My mom passed away 13 years ago.  She also had dementia.  I am his only support and with my dad 24/7 no break.  He isn’t easy to be around which trying to get some one here to help is impossible.  I do have brothers and sisters but they don’t care to step in to give me a break.  

He did have a UTI and I was told this would go away once the infection cleared up.  So I was surprised  that he would still be talking like that.

ricardo

I’m a new member with early stage Alzheimer’s with very few symptoms. Not looking forward to this kind of activity

Lucy C

Do you have durable power of attorney? If not, in my opinion, this is where you start talking to a lawyer and get the family together for a decision making session.

On one hand, we don't hold our loved ones who have dementia as "responsible" for abusive or uncomfortable behaviors: but we do have the right to draw lines on what we allow to be directed at ourselves. If your father can't afford memory care, it's probably time to start the Medicaid process (with the understanding that Medicaid will recover as much as possible from his estate when he's gone).

Regardless of the level of culpability, a parent behaving (or verbalizing) in sexual ways, even to an adult child, can still be traumatic. For your own mental health and well-being, it's not wrong to take steps to remove him from your home and place him in a safe situation. An elder-law attorney should be able to advise you in regard to working with your family members and arranging things legally and financially.

M1

This is an old thread from 2021. Ricardo, welcome, you may get more responses if you start a new discussion. No worries, the site takes some getting used to..