New here and struggling

Kristig0404

My mom has mid stage ALZ and my dad has recently dealt with his own issues related to cancer and now the effects of a esophajectomy. He has zero patience for my mom, forgetting to give her meds, and continues to think they can continue without help. I feel like I’m being bounced around trying to get them help in their home. Any recommendations? I work full time snd can’t care for them full time. He refuses any conversation around in home or Assisted living. I’m at my wits ends and don’t know what to do or where to turn. Thanks! 

M1

Welcome Kristi, sounds so difficult to have them both sick simultaneously.  An esophagectomy is a huge operation and difficult to recover from.  I would suggest you call the Alzheimer's hot line 1-800-272-3900 and ask to speak to a care consultant.   Do you have power of attorney for either of them?  That may matter a lot, and you may need to consult and elder law attorney.  If push comes to shove and your dad won't listen to reason, you may have to report them to adult protective services, but I wouldn't start there.  Good luck and keep posting, hopefully others will have suggestions for you also.

banpaeng

As I am new here and struggling myself, I understand.  I offer a couple of suggestions.

1.  If over 65 contact their insurance and see if the will provide a caretaker.  Notice I did not say a nurse.  You will have to get a reference from your parents PCP.

2.  Look on this site for a house keeper or Senior Caregiver.  Again no Nurse.  I would make contact with a person, interview them in front of your parents.  Yes I mean show up with no notice.  Make sure you explain this to the person so they will not be mad if things go south.  The site is:  care.com

I have used the above with a respectable amount of success.  My wife was against this.  She did not talk to the lady for two months.  Now she misses her a lot on her day off.  Always asking if she is coming today.  I have a few physical issues of my own.  With my wife dementia, if I did not have this lady coming 5 days a week, I would be in trouble.  I understand your parents situation.  I was worried about all the things you hear about bad care takers.  I too was against it.  Would I let her go, no way!  I am learning with my wife, sometimes I just have to plow ahead.  A care taker would let you get updates and hopefully let your parent relax a bit.

PammyPops

I just signed up on the site. My husband of 40 years was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s last year although the signs were there before. His dad had it also so we knew it was a possibility. We totally gave up our lives to move to another city to be near our daughter and adorable grandchildren. All this during Covid. I thought I was doing okay but an in a hole. He’s happy as a bug, doing very well, but is more needy. I feel very alone and want to do better and want to live in joy. I hope to make some friends now that we can start getting out. Any advice?

sandwichone123

Hi Pammy,

Welcome. This is a very supportive forum (and we need all the support we can get!).

My first suggestion is to post this as its own thread, perhaps here and on the spouse/partner caregivers forum. More people will see it and you'll get more support that way. The two forums are both great and supportive, but they each have a different vibe.

I'm an introvert and working at home but my spouse just wants to be out and about all the time. I am just holding my breath until day cares or senior centers open up so he will have somewhere to be around people.