No Way Out

candycch

My husband was diagnosed with dementia in 2016.  By 2018 he was fired as he could not complete tasks properly.  I have been taking care of everything financially since 2016 as he practically gave his money away.  We nearly lost our house and his bank account went to zero.  He is 17 years older than I am and we have 2 minor children.  We have been to married for over 23 years and despite that, his family still hates me and does not even acknowledge our children.  Now that he is sick, they have stepped in to encourage him to beat up our first daughter, to attack me verbally, encourages him to threaten to put us out of the house, accuses us of trying to poison him etc.  Last year he was admitted to the psychiatric hospital because when he was not threatening to kill us, he was threatening to kill himself.  He spent 3 months there and was sent back home.  He had to be admitted again this year because he said he was going to burn me up and tampered with the wiring in my bedroom.  All of this is affecting my children and I tremendously.  One daughter says only the thought of going to hell prevents her from killing herself, while the other child just clams up and seems to be afraid to open to people.  When he is around we are afraid to sleep and this cause so much headaches it is crazy.  Sad thing, my husband is only horrible with us.  Even the nurses at the hospital thinks he is so awesome as he has always been a charmer.  I sometimes wonder if he really has dementia or if I am the one who is loosing my mind.  I want to leave here but none of his family or friends pay attention to him accept to encourage him in his nonsense.  He does not know how to prepare meals anymore or take meds on his own.  I am drained financially and do not know where to find the money to bring in a caregiver or put him in a home.  What do I do?

.

ladyzetta

I would go to a attorney, Elder Law if your in that age group. Get POA and if you feel you or your family is in any type of danger I would have him placed for your protection.  I know this sounds ruff but if he has been dx with having dementia that will help you with making the decisions you need to make. I started with talking to Senior Services and they helped me know my options. No charge from Senior Services and I had a very low fee from the Elder Law Attorney. My decisions were based on my DH needing more care not because I was in any danger. Be strong and do what you need to do to protect you and your children. It sounds like you need to protect yourself from his children as well. Take some legal action ASAP.  You need to stay ahead of things. Hugs

JoseyWales

PLEASE get your children out of this situation. I know it's not easy - I have a 20 year old son who has been dealing with this for more than 5 years. It's hard. But if your husband is threatening you with harm, who will your kids have when you die?

Rescue mom

Run. Now. Get yourself and your children out. His family can deal with him. They will, if you’re gone. But why should they if you’re doing it? 

If you stay, it will only get worse. Your children, at least, do not deserve this and should not have to live with this. As you’ve said, it’s destroying their mental and emotional health. Do it for them, if not for yourself. It does NOT get better, it only gets worse. 

M1

Candy I agree, he needs to be admitted and placed. An attorney can help you get him qualified for Medicaid if necessary, as can the hospital social workers.

ElaineD

I agree with others:  you must act now to protect yourself and your children.

Once you accept the level of danger you are in, you will figure out what to do.

On another point:  my husband of 58 has always been what is known as:

Street Angel/House Devil

Street Angels are always wonderful and kind and funny and helpful to other people outside of the home.

House Devils are verbally abusive, judgmental, and no fun at all within the house, to those at home.   He even has smacked and punched his grandsons. (granddaughters don't get his abuse).

This is why my husband is welcome everywhere he goes, and disliked by his sons and his grandchildren.   Even his daughters-in-law do not see his House Devil side.   

So I believe you that outsiders have no idea what you are dealing with.

Elaine