New and overwhelmed(4)

Stori

I’m a disabled 49 year old who started caring for my 78 year old father about two months ago. My 77 year old mom is helping. My dad is waiting to see a neurologist for an official Dx. 

We believe he is ~mid stage Alzheimer’s, but we live rural and with COVID it has taken months to get referrals and appointments. Hopefully he will see the neurologist Next week and get some testing going. *fingers crossed* I really hope the doctor will help my father with his anxiety and sleep disturbances.

I bought a couple of books I’ve seen recommended. We have an appointment with a lawyer in a few days to set up POAs and wills. 

I love my dad and I want to take care of him. I am just exhausted and it’s only been a few months. I’m in chronic pain, have PTSD, and autoimmune disorders that cause fatigue.  I don’t know what to do. I honestly truly want to care for him. Is there any help I can get, my dad has private insurance and supplementary Medicare?  

Thank you 

LaurenB

Stori, you are definitely experiencing a lot.  If you have the ability to give the neurologist a "heads up" on the topics that you'd like to have addressed, I would.  Contact the office and speak with someone who will either send a note to the doctor or maybe an email address that you can send a letter to so that the dr. can read it.  That way they are prepared and can better assist you.  I'm glad that you are getting to the lawyer and getting things in place.

JulieTM

Do you have any extra funds to bring in additional help?  Any relatives or friends nearby who could help?  Do you have siblings?  Is your mom able to be alone with him/care for him without your help?

I'm assuming you mean private medical insurance?  You might want to check with that provider to see if they cover anything, even a care assessment.  His PCP or neurologist might also be able to refer you to case management or in-home services if there is a need.  

Also check to see if your local county/community has any elder care resources - sometimes they publish a list of services that are available nearby, either online or in a handbook or something.  If you are rural, I know that is less likely.  Is there a larger town nearby?

I have been there (both my parents at the same time) and it is so overhwhelming, especially if there is no one else around to help.  In my experience, though, I dont know that the neurologist will tell you much more than you already know.  There are a few medications that can help with symptoms.

But I have also learned that if it is too much for you to handle, you need to ask for help.  If you fall apart, the whole tower crumbles.

I hope this helps a little.  Please go easy on yourself - that's what your dad would want.

JulieTM

Both my parents are in MC and no insight as to why.  Dad has vascular dementia, and Mom has alzheimer's - almost no short-term retention.  When they were clearly unsafe and needed 24/7, we moved them there 2/19 under the guise that my father needed 24/7 care they couldn't get at home (which was true at the time), and it was the only way Mom could be with him.  Then a pipe burst in their home, and we were able to give them home repair as a reason they needed to stay at MC.  But both are wearing thin, and I feel they will be demanding to leave soon.  They are very smart, but their dementia is pretty progressed.

I know that explaining reality to them will only upset them tremendously, and then they won't remember anything a half hour later.  But not doing anything to ease their anxiety about going home feels just as bad.

Any suggestions?