A nightmare in the nightmare

LadyTexan

Last night I had a terrible nightmare, I woke up anxious and sweating heavily. Afraid, and not thinking clearly, I woke up DH to tell him I had a nightmare. That's what I always did pre-Alzheimer's. Back in those days he would listen to what made me afraid, remind me it was a dream and tell me to go back to sleep.

Last night, as soon as I woke DH up, I realized my mistake. I startled DH. DH didn't comfort me, as he had always done in the past. I then remembered that I was the grown up now, responsible for keeping us safe and well, even though I was still quite unsettled myself. I soothed him back to sleep. I felt so very alone.

I remembered the dream this morning. In summary, I was impaired and unable to do my job. My colleagues were treating me differently (not kindly) because I was not pulling my weight. I couldn't keep my clothes on correctly. I did not know where to poo or how to clean myself afterward. I could not figure out what to do with soiled toilet paper. People were talking about me. I felt useless and alone and hurt. I wonder if the dream was my mind's interpretation of what it is like to have a dementia related illness.

I consider it a nightmare on the dementia journey or a nightmare in the nightmare. Alas, there is no waking up from the real life nightmare of dementia.

sandwichone123

Oh no! What a terrible nightmare! And what a terrible way to wake up from it--having to soothe your dh back to sleep. Brains digest and make sense of their worlds, but they should leave us alone while they're doing it--not make that digestion part of our night.

M1

I'm sure that was a terrible experience LT....the feelings in dreams are very valid, even if the factual content is not.  I find myself having more and more unpleasant dreams as I age too--I think it's brain changes, probably, though that's pure speculation.  But the similarity between the dream and the waking reality really hurts sometimes, doesn't it.  Waking from a nightmare about dementia into realizing that the one that used to comfort you is no longer there.  I'm so sorry!!!

eaglemom

That had to be very unsettling. I'm so sorry. Dreams are something that I don't think we can turn on and off. You handled it perfectly - relax DH. As a caregiver it seems our first thoughts / actions are to tend to our LO, then care for ourselves.

Not trying to top your story but something similar happened here last night. During the night a noise woke both of us up - DH very lovingly looked at me and asked "aren't you going to see what that was?" Of course pre ALZ he would have shot out of the bed. Now, not so much, he turned to me to protect him. Which I gladly do.

Hopefully tonight will be a better night for you.

eagle.

amicrazytoo

LT - So sorry you had a nightmare on top of everything else. I do hope you sleep better tonight.

Quilting brings calm

Dreams are where our fears come out to okay.  I think it’s natural that a caregiver for someone with dementia would fear having dementia.  Maybe an unconscious signal that you need to eat better, exercise some, take breaks, etc.  

I think it’s quite disconcerting to know that you cannot depend on your spouse to be your helpmate any more and that you are now responsible for him. Hugs. 

Ed1937

Lady, I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I'm sure it was very hard for you. Nightmare/dreams can feel very real when you awaken, and that's just when you needed someone to hold your hand. But you had to be the hand holder, and you did what was needed. I hope tonight is better.

Rescue mom

I never had nightmares until DH was well into Alzheimer’s, but I sure do now,  and they are always the same. Mine wake us both, because I’m screaming in terror. But thankfully he does not respond negatively. (Actually, no response). My therapist says they are an effect/response/reflection  of his Alzheimer’s taking over. It’s fairly obvious when I think about it, but that doesn’t mean they stop.

At least, once I wake, I know it’s a dream, and I can go back to sleep relatively fast, as he does. I guess it’s good I never needed him for help with nightmares,  I never had them before Alzheimer’s, and he’s no help now. (Which is generally true of life in general, except I DID depend on him for some things, and now I can’t, for anything. It’s all up to me, hence nightmares) But it’s still upsetting for a few minutes. I’ve wondered if other caregivers have this problem.

Jane Smith

Lady Texan, I am sorry about your nightmare and the (inevitable but so very sad) lack of response/help from your DH. These reminders of something our LO can no longer do, can be salt in the wound for sure. 

I hope you get a better night’s sleep tonight. 

Rescue Mom, I absolutely have had changes in dreams and nightmares related to events going on in real life. I had screaming nightmares when I my father was seriously ill and I was in a bad relationship with no support.  I’ll never forget how awful those were; you have my sympathy. 

After my mother was diagnosed with dementia, yes, I did start having bad dreams/nightmares where dementia was involved.  I bet many of us do.