I have a question about getting a dog.

Larrypags

My DW is 71 and in the early stages of ALZ. She is highly functional and only a few of our friends notice it because they have experience with it. She works everyday selling travel in our home based agency with my supervision. Covid has made the situation possible as very few people are traveling. I work with her and we persevere  because I believe it helps exercise her mind. She has no hobbies or interests other than travel.

At this point the effects are constant repeated questions, difficulty processing, diminished short term memory. For example our grandson is getting married in May. Good friends are flying in to attend and the other day they called and DW asked them why they were coming here. Her sister is 6 years older and is approaching late stages. So we know what's coming. 

The other aspect is she is type A personality with OCD. A byproduct of her diminished capacities is an increase in compulsive behavior. List making and cleaning are at the top of the list. Change is not easy and we have settled into a "routine" life. 

So now my question. I have always wanted a dog. DW did not. We worked long hours and traveled a great deal which would not have been fair to the dog. Now we are not traveling anymore and we work from home. We live in a "Active Adult" community and would have to walk the dog all the time which would help her exercise and increase social activity. I'm thinking in a few years I will have a sympathetic dog ear to to talk to without judgement. 

 My concern is the change in lifestyle would be dramatic. But the companionship and joy a small lap dog might be worth it. All of my kids and grandkids have multiple dogs and DW likes interacting with them. DW has approved the adoption but like a parent, "It's going to be your responsibility" So she is not excited about it if you get my drift. 

Has anyone had any experience with this topic? I would appreciate any feedback.  

amicrazytoo

Larry,

This is so much more than getting a dog. I have had dogs all my life and I would do it over again in a heartbeat. I currently have a dog, she is 4 1/2 years old, a 75 lb. Golden Retriever. Life span 12 - 14 years. As a rule the smaller the dog, the longer the life span. I can see your wife loving a companion animal. However there is another side to having a dog. My DH treats our dog like she is an old dog that needs to be coddled. He want her in the house all the time and hates when I play with her in the yard, he tells me I should go pick up the frisbee. We got her as a puppy on my DH's birthday in 2017. Just a few months before his diagnosis. She is still young and needs exercise, which I have to fight to give her. I have enrolled her in a doggie daycare program which is great for her to get exercise and socialization with other dogs. It is expensive. If you decide to move forward and get one, I highly recommend you get one that is no longer a puppy. The shelters have plenty to choose from. An older dog may be the best way to go, as they won't need the extra attention that a younger one would require. Research which breed would be a good fit for your household. Good luck.

terei

I might suggest that your think about fostering a dog temporarily(maybe with the possibility of full time placement). to see how your W reacts + copes with having a dog in the house.

My mother had a lap dog when she was first diagnosed.  During her illness, she would constantly feed the dog kibble as well as human food all day long.    Soon the little dog was very overweight + unhealthy + we could not stop her from feeding it.   She also was confused +frustrated when the dog barked.   She could not read the dog’s cues any longer about wanting to go outside or alerting to someone at the door.   She also was not able to understand basic hygiene about washing her hands after dealing with the dog + dog food + got salmonella poisoning twice.

We finally gave the dog to another family member because she could not cope with it any longer.

She may do very well with a dog, but if you foster + it doesnt work out, you’ll know you dont want to buy a ‘full time’ dog.

Rescue mom

The dog issue is tough, in som many ways. The caregiver needs/wants, but the PWD makes it difficult at best. Sounds like your DW would be fine now, and probably for a while, depending on how fast the disease goes. 

Some things that have happened include: the PWD unknowingly gives the dog something poisonous, or sprays it with a poison bug killer (for example). That happened with a PWD who was not far advanced at all. Or the PWD is physically abusive—again, not intentionally, but not recognizing that pats and hits are different. Then what if dog reacts by attacking? Or, the PWD leaves door open, lets the pet out,  or loose.

They also can feed them wrongly, as above. Or maybe the pet makes a mess in house. Can PWD recognize and clean? How might she react to the dog being “bad”? Will she know when the dog needs to go out and do it’s business? Some PWD even early stages get “jealous” of attention given the dog.

Dogs can be great additions, but there can also be a lot of problems that are hard to predict because a PWD is hard to predict. It’s easpecially sad because the caregiver needs/wants one, but dealing with a pet and a PWD can be very hard. But some people still say it’s worth it.

Fostering, where you watch a dog for a short time, sounds like a really good idea.

Ed1937

Welcome to the forum Larry. Sorry you have a need for it. We have a great bunch of people here to listen, understand, and help when needed. 

Another vote for fostering a dog. She might become attached to it, and not want to let it go, but if she has a problem with it, you can always take it back where it came from. If you do get one, I agree that an adult dog would be better than a puppy. Puppies can be a problem because they will have to be potty trained, they need a lot of exercise, trips to the vet, etc. An older dog might not require the exercise, and it will probably be house trained. And don't forget that if you want to make trips, you will have to find someone to watch the dog. We have had dogs for our entire life, so not much doubt we will have one until this life is over.

Cynbar

My DH is late stage 6, and we just brought home our puppy 5 days ago. Our situation is a little different than yours, however --- we have always had a dog and missed having a dog terribly after ours died last July. I am biased because I'm a pet lover, but I didn't hesitate making this jump.We are home pretty much all the time now, and the dog will give us plenty of company and plenty to do. I am looking for things to fill my life that are not dementia related. It will all be on me, but I'll enjoy walking the dog, playing with the dog, just spending time with him. The affection of a dog has always been a steady light in my life. We decided on a puppy although I see benefits of a rescue, but we wanted a specific breed and wanted to bring him up, from the beginning, to fit in with our household, our cats and grandchildren. It's a good tip, by the way, to do some research and pick a breed that best fits your lifestyle. A dog, to us, is a lot of company, which is welcome to me because DH isn't much company anymore. I know some people see the negatives or potential pitfalls, but I'm confident this is the right decision for us.

David J

We have a 12 year old Golden Doodle that weighs about 62 pounds. Her hips are weak because of Displasia. DW was already on disability because of MCI when we got her. 

DW has forgotten her name and forgotten how to care for her. More troubling is that DW no longer “speaks dog”.  She grabs the dog and pulls the dog by both sides of the neck to get her to go to go with her. With the bad hips and age, the dog won’t take this and snaps at DW. DW has been bitten several times. I have to keep a close watch to prevent this from happening. 

Not saying it’s a bad idea to get a dog, just be prepared for unusual things that may happen with a PWD. Most of the time the dog and DW get along fine. 

LadyTexan

DH and I are animal lovers. Our dogs are significant parts of our family. We have had a dogs, most of our married life. When our Jack Russell died two years ago, I carefully considered whether to open our heart again to a fur baby. We adopted a shelter dog. The dog is a handful, but he is very good medicine for DH. 

Some shelters have mature dogs that were surrendered when their senior owner passed. That might be a good fit for you and a life saving event for the shelter dog.

Gig Harbor

Another problem that might come up is when the dog needs a walk but he is unable to go for one or be left alone while you walk the dog.

JM1316

Dogs are great but come with tons of responsibility.  Our mutt is 106 lbs and 11-1/2 years old.  He must be walked several times a day as our yard is not fenced in.  He is highly allergic to all grass, trees, weeds, tobacco, cotton, black ants, etc and I give him an allergy shot twice a week in his neck which runs over $500 every other month.  He also has IBS and on expensive prescription diet dog food & treats.  Now he started thyroid meds twice a day besides the meds for his IBS.  Oh I almost forgot.......he has high anxiety and I give him Sertraline every night and have tranquilizers for thunder & fire works.   We love him too but the responsibility is getting to be too much for me as I now have my DH who has mild Alz and I have new responsibility’s.   

I am not trying to talk you out of getting a dog but just giving you my picture of what I have been dealing with for years.  Just food for thought!

Dottie

Ed1937

JM1316 wrote:

Dogs are great but come with tons of responsibility. 

That's true, and it's something that people who never had dogs don't think about. Monthly heart worm medication, flea and tick control, yearly vet visits, vaccinations, etc. It all adds up even if your dog is healthy. Seasoned dog owners know what's in store for them. 

aod326

Looks like you've great perspectives to consider - I hope the input has helped. I just wanted to share a "reverse" story that has so warmed my heart. I brought DH home from MC at the end of January. (The reasons I'd needed to place him are no longer an issue, because of the fast progression of his dementia.)

Our 5 year old lab mix, Archie, is very protective of DH, which we learned during a couple of occasions when EMTs had to come to the house. So I knew I wouldn't be able to have Archie here, as I now have a live-in carer. I also knew that it's highly likely to be quite short-term, 6 months absolute max. A neighbor who I barely knew heard about the situation and he and his wife offered to foster Archie. (They lost their German Shepherd about a year ago.) They are amazing people, so kind, and clearly love having Archie! I don't know how I'll ever be able to thank them.

Archie and I have struck so lucky! He just may not want to come home...

Best of luck in making your decision.

JanDap

Larry,

My husband has early Alzheimer's and we got a dog (rescue) about a year ago to replace a Lab we lost 2 years ago. Murphy looked a lot like the yellow lab we lost, but we've learned he's really more "bully dog" than anything. Having the dog has been good in some ways, and bad in others.

The dog REALLY helps Bob get out and get exercise by walking a couple times a day. He's the only thing that gets him away from the TV and out and moving. I do the AM walk,  because Bob sleeps until at least 10 AM,  which is good for me to get some AM exercise. Bob really likes the companionship, but unfortunately, Murphy is not as affectionate as our previous dog.

The bad news is, yes, it is a new life committment. Murphy is more active than our previous dog and barks more, which is annoying. He had been wetting in the house, which we were finally able to stop with the addition of Prozac. *I* have to do the main overseeing of Murphy's health care, food, timing of going out, medications, etc. So in some ways it feels like just another responsibility that at times is overwhelming in itself.

Bottom line for me is that I'm glad we have a dog again, but I wish we had researched this dog's background better and stuck with what we really wanted. We had wanted an older dog that was laid back. This dog was labeled as age 4, but we found out that was incorrect--2 vets said more like age 2. He was very shy and quiet when we got him, but now he is loud and active. We do not have a fenced yard, and he could use one. 

If you decide to get a dog, research heavily and stick to one that has the traits you are looking for. Think size, activity, barking, crate trained, affectionate, etc.

banpaeng

suggestion only

Might consider a cat.

Jo C.

Your wife and you are travel agents, you have done much traveling far and wide; suddenly, here you are at full stop with COVID.  Dementia has also taken a front seat for your wife greatly impacting on both your lives; stuck together in the many months of long pandemic isolation; each day much as the next and nothing to really stimulate and comfort oneself.    Despite phone work for which you must oversee, monitor and guide your wife, it is still a rather lonely state of affairs.

Along comes an idea . . . .

You have always wanted a dog, (I understand that), The idea sounds good, "on paper," in fact, golden lenses may even be in play.  From what you have written, I will be one who takes the "perhaps not such a good idea at this point," stance.

What you have shared about your wife:

"I have always wanted a dog, DW has not . . . . she is a Type A personality with OCD and an increase in compulsive behavior . . . change is not easy . . . she has difficulty processing has significant diminished short term memory . . . . we would have to walk the dog all the time which would help her exercise and increase social activity . . .I am thinking in a few years I will have a sympathetic dog ear to talk to without judgment . . . the change in lifestyle would be dramatic . . . BUT . . . the companionship of a small lap dog might be worth it. . . "

While she likes interacting with the grandkids dogs, she tells you that if you get a dog, "it is going to be your responsibility, " She is not excited about it if you get my drift."

One thing is pretty certain for most persons with dementia.   Consistent routine and structure is key to managing all else.  Consistent routine and structure day to day are what brings success to caregiving of a LO with dementia, especially as the dementia moves forward which it will.  Not to have said routine and structure will usually be the genesis of many problem issues.   This would be even more problematic with a LO who does not accept change well and has difficulty processing along with significant short term memory loss.

A dog not being an inanimate object really does instill itself into one's life on a 24 hour continuum and has its own very real needs.  It is always there; an ongoing dynamic presence.  Will that be accepted is a question.  Will it continue as the disease progresses considering DW's situation and feelings.

There is an OCD element with DW as well as compulsive behavior.  Of importance is that she does not accept change well and also very important, she has difficulty processing; that will grow much worse as the disease progresses.   She already has a pretty well established issue with short term memory loss even for large events in her life; and as you state,  the change in your home and in her life would be "dramatic."

You do want this dog for your long time wishes, for your longing; that is understandable; but if this does not work out and a dog develops behavioral or emotional issues from problems within the home, you wll not have your much longed for, "sympathetic dog ear companion for yourself."

I will take this from the standpoint of the dog.  Young or old, dogs need consistency and acceptance.  They suffer from bad treatment, even if it is constant scolding and disapproval; fear develops and they also feel "bad," dogs have strong feelings and they also can be easily hurt and become nervous and anxietous just as humans do. 

From the standpoint of a person who has had up close and personal caregiving with persons with dementia, I would wait on getting a dog.  Your wife will get to the point where even suggesting a walk to her may well be something that she will not accept and using the dog to develop social connections for her also something rather nebulous at this time.

Dogs are a very real responsibilty day to day; their health and health needs are important which means being willing to accept the cost of veterinarian care for preventive matters as well as when the dog has a need for vet care.  They must have approval and acceptance and they also need love.

Now and as the dementia advances, it is possible due to her personality, your DW may become easily agitated and highly irritable re the dog's presence, she may not be able to understand and accept the dog in different ways.

Volunteering to foster a dog - well, the dogs in those circumstances need a home where they become acclimated to humans and also need to be socialized and have stable behaviors and brought to a point at which they are ready to be adopted to a permanent forever home.  In other words, they need US to be stable for them.

Frankly, if DW had accepted a  dog before these dynamics had formed, success would be more likely. HOWEVER, all that being said, there is still the possibility she may actually accept the dog which would be perfect; but there are many pitfalls, if you move forward with this, I would suggest having a plan of what to do with the dog if persistent problems develop with your wife's aceptance.  Err on the side of needing to find an answer to the dog's needs if it is not accepted; that is very important too.

Our son and DIL (vet tech) have four small rescue dogs.  One little one was owned by a family that had a LO with dementia issues.  One day, that person becoming agitated, picked up the small dog, threw it against the wall breaking many bones for the little dog.  It was brought to the vets to be put to sleep.  My DIL with one look fell in love with the dog; the client signed the dog over, and DIL and the vet took great care and skill in saving the dog. DIL and son adopted her. She still has some problems from her fractured leg and jaw, and has some issues where she had a fractured rib, but she is doing well and is very well loved.

So . . . you see where I am coming from, and I may well be absolutely wrong in all of this, no way to know; just best to err on the side of caution.
 
 I send very best wishes and so hope all works out well,

 J.

Cynbar

I have to say, it is different for us, we have always had a dog and are accustomed to the work and responsibility involved. DH has really warmed up to our new puppy . It's true that consistency is important to all PWDs, but it our case, it was strange for him during the months since our last dog died. It's a whole other decision for the OP.

jfkoc

Nothing says that if you get a dog and someday have to re-home it that lightening will strike. While I think that getting a dog is viewed as permanent things change. 

I had to re-home 2 dogs to homes that were better for the dog. Not an easy thing to do.

Larrypags

Thank you all for your thoughts and experiences. After a reading everything an doing some deep thinking about it I've decided not to adopt a dog. I realized I was doing it for me, trying to fill a void left in my life from this disease. I miss the vibrant, independent partner that built two businesses with me and took me to places around the world I never dreamed possible. A dog seemed a good idea. A dog seemed easy. All my kids with dogs have fenced in yards with doggy doors so to me it was a piece of cake. Just feed them and love them and they love you back. But you all brought up all the "other" aspects of life with a dog, plus the fact that it would have to be walked 3 to 4 times a day, really put it in perspective. 

I think the change in our lives would be monumental and difficult especially as time progressed.  If I was not home and the DW was focused on something else when the dog needed to be walked it might be catastrophic it there was an accident on the rug. If it didn't work out and I did have to rehome the dog resentment might rear it's ugly head. I figure I already miss what I did have but I won't miss what I never had. So I'll just find other ways to enjoy life with DW while I can. We got our Covid shots so travel is once again on the table. Thanks again.

Ed1937

Larry, I think you made the right decision. We've had dogs all of our lives, and I can tell you that we've only had one dog that could be considered the "perfect dog". And most people never get one like that. Our "perfect dog" is not the one we have now. She had to be put down because of bone cancer about 5 years ago. What a loss!

banpaeng

Mr. Larry, please be careful if you are going to travel.  Due to my work and wife being from Asia, we traveled extensively.  I will be honest and say I feel cheated having to stay at home.  However that is not the point.  You will need to keep a  close eye.  Wife went to Bathroom in airport.  Could not get out of stall.  The last straw was she was going to the bathroom on the plane, went straight to the main cabin door and was trying to figure out how to open.  Hotel rooms upset her.  I DO NOT travel anymore period.  If I can't get somewhere in a day and back (that is getting less and less), I don't go.

Not trying to be the downer, just it is what it is.

RihanaB

I clean up after myself a lot more. Frankie has a habit of attempting to eat ANYTHING. And he loves chewing on my clothes that I've worn. So I'm neater.  I often visit https://www.worldpetexpress.net/

I also use my time more productively, and exercise more because I'm taking him for walks etc.

I feel like I also became a crazy dog lady. Every photo on Facebook is "LOOK HOW CUTE MY DOG IS" and when people ask what I did on the weekend I'm all "Weeeeellll, I spent time with my puppy. That's it really."

I spend more time at home too, because I want to make sure I'm spending enough time with him, exercising and training him enough, and he's so gosh darn cute that I feel guilty if I'm gone longer than what I need to be for work

abc123

My concern would be her OCD behavior with the dog. Will she over feed the dog, bathe him too much, feed the wrong types of food, etc. ?

Rescue mom

ABC....my DH with Alzheimer’s did all the above, with our dog. Also would let her out or loose in dangerous areas. And cleaned her with dangerous household cleaners. 

I had to watch constantly and closely to prevent disasters. He loved, adored, doted on the dog, and it was good for all that, and for me. But he was also very likely to hurt her, or do something very bad for her, without meaning to. 

The feeding (too much or wrong thing) was a bad problem, because it’s so easy to do, and he had no concept of something being bad for the dog. All he saw was that the dog liked it.

Dogs are wonderful to have, but keeping it safe and healthy with a dementia patient, IME, is very hard and demanding.  I could not handle all the extra work now.  (Don’t forget about vet visits, which are also needed).

And when the dog gets sick, it’s like another person is sick. You will be doing all the caregiving all on your own.

I’ve also seen dogs react badly to a PWD, often because the PWD hurt or threatened the dog (again, without meaning to). Ours never did, but it happens. Sometimes the PWD does hurt the dog, because they can’t control their emotions, and don’t understand what discipline goes too far.

1962ART

I'm thinking in a few years I will have a sympathetic dog ear to to talk to without judgement. 

 My concern is the change in lifestyle would be dramatic. But the companionship and joy a small lap dog might be worth it. All of my kids and grandkids have multiple dogs and DW likes interacting with them. DW has approved the adoption but like a parent, "It's going to be your responsibility" So she is not excited about it if you get my drift. 

Has anyone had any experience with this topic? I would appreciate any feedback.  

Dear Larrypags:

I absolutely agree with everyone here.  But, DH and I are dog lovers.  He is in mid stage VC, AZ and had at least two strokes.  He is very high functioning.  We had one of our poodles die in March, when I first saw your post.  I cannot imagine my life without DH or a dog or two on my lap.

I hear you looking for love and companionship when your DW can no longer supply it, either through disability or death.  My heart goes out to you.  You know what the future will bring and you are trying to find parachutes to help you in your grief.  There is nothing wrong in looking toward pet ownership as a way to cope.

I do not know how to answer the people who only see negatives in your suggestion of getting a dog.

However, I do know that if we ever get another dog, I will have my dog's eventual owner identified if I were to be unable to care for it.  In our case, our daughter we live with now would have to OK my choice and be willing to step in to care for the dog.  Could your kids and grandkids offer a home for the dog, if your plans, however well intentioned, do not work out?  

You are reaching out for ideas because of what you know will happen in your future.  You will need someone/something to love.  You are worth that and you deserve it.  Could you and your DW have your kids bring one of their dogs over for a weekend visit while they're out of town?  I really don't know, but don't give up.  You are on the right path of thinking ahead.  Dog or goldfish, I applaud your plans for self care.  Best thoughts coming your way.