End of life preparation

Minnie59

My husband died 16 years ago. He has 2 brothers that live in Florida (we r in WV). So Since that time I have cared for their mother. I have known for at least 10yrs something wasn’t right. She gave away at least $30,000 to some scam in Jamaica. I finally had her diagnosed about 5 yrs ago. She lived next door. I fed, cleaned house, did laundry and such for her until about 2 years ago when doctors insisted she couldn’t live alone anymore. Her sons told me about 5 yrs ago they would come get her and take to Florida. When I felt like I couldn’t do it alone anymore...I called and asked if they found a place for her. Neither son was willing to take her in since they couldn’t get assistance unless she lived in that state for a year.  But I have managed alone.

 She tried to crawl out of bed and fell and hit her head on bed rail. When she got out of hospital they ordered hospice for her. She came home a different person. 2nd day she hit me on bridge of nose and blacked both my eyes. She has since been fighting me on everything. I carry scratch and bruises on me constantly. I didn’t know because of neuropathy and diabetes..she was in pain and it hurt when I touched or moved her around in bed to prevent bed sores. A week ago she had mini stroke. Now they have her on morphine, Ativan and something they put behind her ear. She is not as violent now. But it is really hard to change her or pull her up in the bed. 

I love this woman just as I did my own mother. We have been friends for over 40 years. I have no regret for giving up my life to care for her alone. But now she won’t eat or drink and I am watching her fade more each day. How do u do that??? I get zero financial from her kids even though they took 23,000 out of savings account. No moral support..nothing. One son calls every week or 2 and thanks me for what I do for her. The other son does gods to call every 2 or 3 months to check on her. So how do people do this alone??? I can’t afford to pay someone to help me. I have a girl that comes in 3 hours a week so I can get groceries and go to doctor appointments. I have had heart and lung surgery. Have COPD, asthma, thyroid issues and am bipolar and still struggle with PTSD. I feel exhausted and just a shell of a person. I spend hours in front of tv when nothing is there. I tried to get her in nursing home right b4 she fell. But no one wants to take Alzheimer’s patients after they have been placed with hospice. At this point I am just trying to be there for her so she won’t be scared or alone. I sit by her bed begging pleading crying trying to get her to take a drink or just a couple of bites of food. But am not being very successful. I thought taking care of my parents was hard (they have both passed) but caring for Alzheimer’s is whole different set of worries and stress. They say she has marbling on hands and feet. They say I should get myself prepared for this end of life stage. She is transitioning. I have read a lot but nothing prepares u for this. How can someone prepare for this??? I was comfortable taking care of her b4. But now I feel like I have no idea what I am doing. Well I have vented enough. God bless u all! Have a blessed day! Thanks for listening.

jfkoc

How to prepare? Can you prepare? I don't know. I know I was told that my husband was actively dying....it went in one ear and out the other. He was dead in 7 days. 

I guess they tell you so you can prepare but I think it is a reality one can not prepare for.

Minnie59

I am so sorry for ur loss. I think ur right there is nothing you could possibly do to prepare for such a loss. May god bless and help give some peace thru ur struggles . Hugs!

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