Do I nee to encourage my grandma to dress up by herself or should I do it for her?

Sergey

My grandma is in the middle and late stage of Alzheimer/dementia. She has very hard time dressing up by herself. E.g. putting sweater or any top on, any socks or pants. It takes her about 10 minutes to put hands into sleeves, but then she tries multiple times to put her sweater over the head and fails. Then she were successful in putting one sock on, but seems like an impossible task to put the second one. The same for pants, she managed to put right leg into the pant, but she cannot put second leg in. At this point pulling pants up and sweater towards the waist is impossible for her. 

I know my grandma tries but she cannot, sometimes she looks at caregiver and asks for help. My position is that she must try do it by herself. The way I think about it is that it will keep her challenged and busy in the morning. Since my grandma does not walk anymore, I see it as an extra exercise as well.

Did anybody have experience with this? Should I keep challenging her like this and at what point should I help her? It is just I feel back when she asks me to help her but I feel like it is necessary to do this work.

Thank you.

RanchersWife

I understand your question. Keeping her skills sharp can be a good goal. I would monitor her efforts and allow her to try to get dressed as long as she wants to. However, if she can’t do the task and asks for help, it’s cruel to not help her. That would add a level of stress she doesn’t need. The goal is to care for her and support her efforts. Anyone who is with her daily will know when she’s crossed the line and needs help.

harshedbuzz

Since distance prevents you from being a hands-on caregiver, it's probably best to defer to those who are with her regarding this matter. 

It might be better for her to be occupied with activities at which make her feel successful- easy puzzles, folding towels, coloring books. 

If exercise is a concern, PT could be consulted to devise a program appropriate to a wheelchair user.

HB

Jo C.

Hello Sergey, I understand your wanting to do things as best for your grandmother.  There is a learning curve with all of this as we begin on this caregiving journey. Do a lot of reading about dementia to assist with climbing that learning ladder; there is much to find that will be very helpful.

 Making a demand that she "must" do this or that in the complex matter of dressing herself or other complex matters that seem simple to us is often not the best approach; or to, "keep her challenged and busy," or giving her, "extra exercise," though well meant is in all probability not a positive set of dynamics at this point.

Your grandmother's ability to process such matters, to make sense of all of this the same way each time is now highly compromised.  She is in a wheelchair and does not walk. In all probabilty, she not only has processing issues as well as coordination loss secondary to dementia impact upon her brain, she may well also have pretty significant joint and muscle pain that comes with aging.  Arthritis is no joke.  She seems not able to address for herself in regard to all of this and must depend upon others for her plan of care.  Perhaps there is another way to go about all of this.
 
 One way would be to help her with her dressing.  Let her hold an item of clothing, if SHE wants to put an arm into a sleeve or to help with something, let her do it to her ability; but if she is not successful, assist her or do it for her; do not make her struggle.  Best not to make dressing a negative thing or even a fight.  It is not a challenge to keep her busy nor is it extra exercise.

 As for her getting exercise, Medicare and Medicaid do pay for physical therapy when ordered by the doctor.  You will get good assessment for her and a plan of care including exercises to her level in some very creative ways.

Secondly, to keep her "busy," as "buzz" mentioned, coloring books, folding small clothing items or small towels; having a busy box she can rummage through, playing balloon toss with her so she uses her arms as long as she is content doing so,  etc.  Short periods only; and only when she is open to it.  One thing a social worker told me was that we address activity and being busy by OUR measure; not what is actually at hand for our Loved Ones (LOs) with dementia, they are on another plane of existance than are we in our reality.

A very informative article regarding dementia can be found online;; it is excellent and in pdf.  It is, "Understanding the Dementia Experience," by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller.

http://www.dementiacarestrategies.com/12_pt_Understanding_the_Dementia_Experience.pdf

The Alzheimer's Assn. also has a 24 Hour Helpline that can be reached at, (800) 272-3900.  If you call, ask to be transferred to a Care Consultant.  There are no fees for this service.  Consultants are highly educated Social Workers who specialize in dementia and family dynamics. They have much information, are very supportive and can assist us in our problem solving.

You are a caring person looking for the best way to assist your dear grandmother; she is blessed to have you by her side.

J.

Cynbar

I don't think there is an easy answer here, yes you should or no you shouldn't. it's not that cut and dried. I think it's fine to encourage her to do things for herself, until it gets to the point that she's feeling anxious and upset and sad and angry. You mention that she no longer walks, so her overall skills have eroded quite a bit, which is natural disease progression for a dementia patient. Your post says she has caregivers, I would encourage them to start by letting her do things until it starts becoming a negative for her, and then for them to gently and kindly step in. The rules are different here, her body is declining and her mind isn't working right, she probably can't understand why she is being pushed. At this stage, it's all about kindness and comfort. This disease is progressive, working her hard will only slow that a small amount.

Sergey

Thank you very much everyone. It actually helps a lot.