The doctor said it’s time to call in hospice

RanchersWife

It’s been a rough few weeks. My mil has taken a pretty dramatic decline. Waiting on UA results. We saw the dr today. He told me that it’s time to call hospice. 

We got home and she brought out her favorite dress she keeps in a bag and told me that it’s for when she dies.

I was able to video chat with my best friends that evening. We had a drink and supported each other. There’s something so special about best friends from high school!  

When my husband returned from Scouts with the boys I told him what the dr said.That was hard. 

Mint

I am so very sorry.

Birdies

So sorry to hear....  hospice will provide you with wonderful support and comfort.

RanchersWife

Thank you for your replies. We are starting to struggle. Now I realize why. 

harshedbuzz

Rancher's Wife-

I am sorry for the need, but hopeful for the extra support you will have going forward.

HB

abc123

Dear Ranchers Wife, I have been following you and this awful journey your on. I’ve always admired you and your husband. I’m very sorry to hear this news about hospice. Please know you and your family are in my prayers.

RanchersWife

Thanks for the comments HB and abc. It’s nice to know people remember me. It’s been three years since the night I joined. I was in the guest bedroom of my mil’s house after we brought her home from her hip surgery. I was thrown into post op and dementia care with no warning. It was winter on the ranch and there was was zero time to do anything except feed cows. I lived with mil for 3 months while my husband took care of the boys, ranch and readied the tiny house. I got the dx of Alzheimer’s for her. I researched it. I mourned the loss of my friend and support. I failed many times. I grew up. Before this I was a spoiled, stay at home mom, raising my children on a ranch. I didn’t have to do anything I didn’t want to do. After she fell, my whole being rebelled at the task before me. I lost 30 pounds in 3 months, spent plenty of time face down in the pasture crying and scared my husband a bit. He and I kept each other together! He’s never loved me more than he does now. I’ve realized that I can do just about anything for him. We are still human and I still call him names in my head sometime, but we are ok. The kids are making it. We struggle more with regular stuff like chores and homework than them dealing with what is happening to Grandma. Sunday, one child walked her to her seat, the other took her walker to the back, one helped her receive The Body of Christ and the 4th crawled across all of us to hug her at the Sign of Peace. They are ok. They agreed to stay home last year to protect their Grandma. They hug me when I cry. 

In May, Son#1 graduates from college with a BS in Chemical Engineering (after 3 years) and will continue with his Masters. Son #2 will graduate from High School and plans to attend the local university. Son#3 will be a sophomore in August and hopefully have his driver’s license so he can take himself and brothers to Cross country, academic team and Scouts. Son#4 will be in 8th grade...Jr.High is crazy. My baby will probably repeat 2nd grade because he’s struggling with reading. His reading issues are nowhere near as severe as #2’s. We will see. 

As I’ve typed this my mil has searched her house repeatedly for “nothing” and “I don’t know.” She’s now crying. If I try to look for the thing I upset her because i might take something. I think it’s a picture she was carrying around Sunday. Pictures are a no win situation. 

Anyway, we are almost done with Covid and we live in Oklahoma so that is a very true statement! I’m ready! We stayed home, got our vaxxes, and had an ok year. Shout out to the Tribes for implementing an amazing vax rollout!  We did our part. Now we will celebrate all the things, go to camp, eat dinner with friends and see our family. It’s time. 

mrsfnulnu

I was right where you are a few short months ago.  Hospice was wonderful.  My mom's dementia journey threw me into caregiving and all the things you mentioned in your post...it was a 4 year ride but the end of it was surprisingly peaceful.  I hope for that for you.  I am now in the midst of the journey with my dad, who has already forgotten that my mom passed just two short months ago.  If nothing else, this journey we are all on has made us stronger and more compassionate than we (at least I) thought possible, and I have seen how it has enriched the emotional lives of my sons even though it has been unbelievably hard.  

All the best to you and yours during this difficult time.

RanchersWife

Mrs. F,

I’m sorry for your loss and your Dad’s condition. Thank you for mentioning that your sons learned valuable lessons. I needed to hear that. 

My own mother was tentatively dxed two months ago. She my dad live next door to my sister.

I hope my journey makes me an excellent support for my dad and sister! 

My main goal with hospice is to stabilize her days. That’s easier to do if we are all supported. 

P.S. I finally asked mil if I could help her look for her “thing.” We found her purse hidden in the laundry hamper. She’s asleep now.

Bluerc

Hi I am new here. My mom, who is 90,  was diagnosed with alzheimer's  7 years ago.  Last year she broke her hip and she is now bedridden at home.  She is totally dependent on others for her care.  Over the last few months, I noticed she is sleeping more.  She is awake around 7 hours a day now. Sometimes it is hard to rouse her in the mornings when I come and visit.  However,  she still eats and she can say between 3 and 7 words, although she mostly mumbles when communicating.  Some people say that an alzheimer's patient c a n go on like this for years, but I was wondering if this is a familiar situation for others. 

Thanks.

M1

Ranchers wife, thanks for recapping your family's journey.  I am glad all are doing okay.  I hope hospice is as much help for you as it seems to be for most.

Bluerc, welcome to the forum.  You'll get more responses if you start a new topic/thread--look for the green button at the top of each forum page, I think it says "Start topic."  No worries, takes a while to get used to the site.  If your mom is not walking and sleeping a lot, she may qualify for hospice too.  Might be worth looking into if you don't already have it.

GrannyB!

Ranchers Wif

So sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours. Hugs from a fellow Okie

abc123

Dear Ranchers Wife,  

I’m just checking in to say hello and Happy Easter.