What type of help for Alzheimers with no physical issues?

AKT

I am new to this message board. I don't know what type of help to get for my mom. She is 86, in great physical shape, but has Alzheimer's and her short term memory is going. She will forget important things I said earlier in our conversations, even just 5 minutes prior. She is in Independent Living and still drives. When I drive with her, her reflexes are good. My concern is more that she will forget where she parked or where she is going. In CT, there is no requirement to be re-tested for driving. She does carry a cell when she drives. First, how do I know when she should no longer be driving? 

Second, what type of help to I get her? I cannot hire someone just to follow her around like a shadow and constantly say "don't forget you have a dr's appt tomorrow." She'll just forget as soon as the person leaves. B/c she has no problem taking a shower, cooking for herself, etc etc., what would this caretaker do? 

I am now paying her bills and call/email her several times prior to a drs appt or hair stylist appt. I cannot delegate bill paying, or going to the dr with her (she doesn't totally understand some things that the dr tells her, so I like to be there). I work part-time. What can I delegate? Just making her dr's appts, dealing with her bills, and investments, etc. take up a lot of time. 

Thank you for your help!!!! 

-AT

jfkoc

Someone a long time ago was worried about driving. The reply post was "would you let a young grandchild drive alone with your loved one? I always thought that made sense.

M1

Hi AKT, glad she's so spry!  The driving question is always a hard one.  The answer no one wants to hear is that if you are asking the question, she probably needs to stop now.  In her situation, it may be worth asking her doctor to order a driving assessment---this gives you something objective to hang your hat on and can prevent you from being the heavy.  If she is able to pass it, so be it; you redo it in a year no matter the cost.  If not, then it's not your fault that the keys are taken away.

It sounds like the harder question may be when she needs a higher level of assisted living.  Is that available where she lives?  I'm thinking some places will provide transportation to appointments, and if the driving goes, that may be the trigger for other changes too.  Or the cooking may be the thing to watch--the stove safety is always a worry, as is taking medication correctly. 

As I live with my partner I don't have the experience of your situation, but hopefully others will have suggestions.  Nothing about this is easy.  Good luck.

WhatNow?

Hi AKT, 

Welcome to the message board.  

It sounds like you are already starting to take on some of the first things that need assistance when the disease starts progressing into the middle stages.

If you haven't already done so, I would recommend getting your mom to see a neurologist and maybe a little more importantly getting her to see a neuropsychologist for testing.  A neurologist or perhaps her PCP could refer you to someone.  This testing can tell you how the changes in her brain impacts the things she does day to day.  I never knew how bad my mom's visual perception and eye hand coordination really was until we had this testing done.  This is the final straw we used to know for sure that mom shouldn't be driving.  Once we got the results back it did really open up our eyes to the things she was actually struggling with.  It finally also made sense why she could no longer knit or crochet, even though we hadn't notice anything physically wrong before.  I would also say that if you already have concerns that she may get lost, it may already be time for that hard conversation.  My mom got lost about a hour away from her house and we were just lucky that she still knew to go to the highway patrol to ask for directions (and found one)...and after she showed back up the 2nd time at the station, they took her to the hospital because they were concerned about her and called family.

Also, if you don't have a durable POA for finances and also one for health I would make that a priority too.   I would suggest a certified elder law attorney to help get one created.  

She may not currently need full time help yet, but if she can't drive then that starts limiting things she can do for herself.  Also, if you haven't done so in a while, maybe spending a couple of days with her to see where else at home she is having issues might help.  Just to see what kind of struggles she has with cooking/following a recipe, cleaning, doing the laundry, or any other household chores she may have to give you a sense of what type of help she may need.  

Glad you reached out.  You will get some good advice from here.

Cynbar

I would start the process of looking at assisted living facilities in your area, especially those that offer memory care as well in case she needs this in the future. Since you're not with her all the time, she may well need more help than you realize (this is very common.) And, it goes without saying, you will have to look at her finances and see what she can afford or if Medicaid will be needed soon. Dementia is a progressive disease so things will only get worse, and you want to avoid making a decision during a crisis if at all possible. Assisted living with provide more overall help and supervision, but won't have someone hovering over all the time which it sounds like she doesn't need. This process can take a little while, I would say now is the time to get started. Read the contracts at the facilities carefully to see what they do and don't include, and what they charge extra for. Find a place you are comfortable with and get her name on a waiting list, most seem to allow you to stay on the list if you're not quite ready when an opening comes up.

AKT

Thanks. Her independent living home is on a larger campus that also offers assisted living, memory care, and skilled nursing. I will look into moving her to AL. Appreciate your advice.

AKT

Thank you. Sounds like a good "test."

AKT

Thanks. She does have Assisted Living on her campus. I'll look into it.

AKT

Thanks. Her gerentologist has been giving her general assessments, but a neurologist may be very helpful.

JJ401

When you look at the assisted living inquire about transportation. Many have transportation available. My neighbor entered one that went to the local drug stores and shopping centers on a regular basis. Her car could suddenly need work and isn’t it great that transportation is available.