Won't Shower

Miss Ripper

Even though this was not a bit funny when it happened, I thought I would share it with all of you. My DH refuses to bathe - no showers or baths for that big man. He was fastidious prior to his dementia and would be appalled to know he's doing this.

Last night I got him ready for bed, then walked him to the bathroom to use the toilet. I waited outside in an easy chair to walk him back to the bed. It took a long time and I began to hear odd noises that I couldn't figure out how he was making.I asked if everything was okay and he said NO, so I opened the door.

There he stood in the bathtub, stark naked, trying to adjust the shower curtain. His bath towel was hanging on the robe hook on the back of the door, easy to reach inside the shower. My washrag was in his hand. I said, "Oh, you're going to take a shower." His answer was, "NO!" as he quickly climbed out of the tub and put his underwear and white t-shirt back on.

I still don't understand why he did that when he was totally ready to shower. All we had to do was turn the water on. It's been about 8 days since his last shower. All he'll allow is for me to wash his face with a wash cloth and soap and water.

Iris L.

He needs help.  Perhaps you can adjust the shower head temperature and pressure for him.  Or he may need more help than this.  

Iris L.

jfkoc

Showering together worked well here....the excuse was to wash each others backs

Battlebuddy

   My husband was also very clean. I thought he would never take the turn to hating showers. But he did. 

     In the last month I’ve tried every trick to get him in there. He has used every trick to stay out- it’s too hot- it’s too cold - I already did etc. Averaging about every 4 days. Very stressful events. 

  Last shower 3 days ago, got him in and he starts yelling” stop it ! Your going to kill me!” 

     Now here is the kicker

    Today he announces out of the blue “ I’m going to take a shower. I stink!” Off he goes and showers for 15 minutes washing everything twice! Then he steps out and says” showers are good” 

   Oh the roller coaster of Alzheimers! 

Miss Ripper

Iris L. wrote:

He needs help.  Perhaps you can adjust the shower head temperature and pressure for him.  Or he may need more help than this.  

Iris L.

Iris L. - I already do all those things for him. That's not the problem. However, first thing this morning I asked him if he'd like to take a shower and he did. He woke in an especially good mood and seemed almost normal again. That happens with him from time to time. I always turn the shower on and off for him and make sure the water is the temp he likes. Then I help dry him off and get him redressed.

Miss Ripper

Battlebuddy wrote:

 Today he announces out of the blue “ I’m going to take a shower. I stink!” Off he goes and showers for 15 minutes washing everything twice! Then he steps out and says” showers are good” 

   Oh the roller coaster of Alzheimers! 

I can relate to everything you said. And today was the same for us. I asked him if he wanted to shower and he said he did. He felt great afterwards.

Battlebuddy

Miss Ripper 

that’s what I do too to get him showered. . I think your probably right it was a momentary shift back to a more normal place.

BBR

My father is 96 and won't let anyone wash him because he thinks he's doing a good job himself with a washcloth or wipe. He is incontinent and it's gross. He is very shy/private so the female aides are sent away. We are thinking of hiring a male aide to get him showered but we know he is going to put up a big fight. If we give him anxiety medication to calm him down, I am afraid he will be drowsy and fall. Has anyone found anxiety meds that don't make the person drowsy but will still help them be more cooperative?

Ed1937

@BBR You should probably start a new thread if you are looking for answers. This thread is almost 3 years old, and people will likely skip reading it. Just hit the orange circle with the + sign, and follow your nose. You could copy and paste what you already have written if you like.

Howaboutnow

@BBR we haven’t found any meds for DH that ease agitation including the combativeness with personal care. Trazadone, haldol, lorazepam, seroquel, depakote. It is an ongoing struggle that causes me a lot of anguish. At minimum i want DH clean and settled. I have not been able to provide that, nor 2 months of hospice efforts. I feel like we are failing him.

I would appreciate others experience with this. When you can’t shower or clean your LO for extended period of time because of the physical combativeness, what do you do? How long could it go on? Hospice has told me DH’s fronto-temporal aspects of his dementia make him a very difficult patient. And that there may not be a medicine that helps and another decline may be the only thing that changes his behavior.

BUT HE CANNOT be the first one. Mustn't there be solutions?