My stepmother has alzheimers and my dad seems to be overwhelmed

PasteEaterSteve

I'm not sure exactly what year my stepmother was diagnosed with early stage alzheimers. I was in the military, eventually got out and went to work  for federal government, so I've only seen my parents on holidays or vacation. I came home one week in 2019 and noticed that she kept telling me the same story every 5 or so minutes - she used to something similar to pester me, but this wasn't the same. When she started acting like a drunk teenager, that was pretty much my sign. 

I got most of the information from aunt. My dad kinda played it down. My aunt told me that he had been told not to let her drive or balance the budget, etc. Early on, he was slow with it, but I think he's handled those things. 

I don't know if it's actually gotten worse. He tells me it's about the same. My aunt tells me he needs help. I ask if needs help with anything, he says not right now. He's 67 and still working full-time. I try to let him handle his business. My problem is that my stepmother has always been the dominant one in the relationship, and my dad can be pretty timid as far as I remember. I don't know if she's alone all day while he's at work. I know that she started taking in cats and keepingtheminthehouse, they may number in the double digits now, and it's at least one thing that my dad has told me how he feels about it... he wants them gone. 

I don't know what to do. I don't know if they have a care plan. I don't know what they can afford. Me, I'm not above bringing in someone that can help him, or if that's a real option. I also have PTSD,  so I have my own limits in regards to what I should try to take on. 

Any information would appreciated. 

Iris L.

Welcome Steve.  What you are describing is animal hoarding.  

PWDs (persons with dementia) gradually lose the ability to have good judgement, despite having caring and loving feelings towards stray animals.  But, due to their failing brains, they become unable to care properly for the animals.  If the animals cannot be placed privately, and they probably can't because they are probably feral, Animal Control should be involved.  

Most of the animals will be in need of vererinary care.  If the PWD become agitated, appropriate medication, prescribed by a dementia specialist, is indicated.  For some patients, in-patient observation and treatment in a geriatric psychiatric hospital unit is indicated.  This is a serious problem and requires professional attention.

Iris L.

M1

Hi Steve and welcome.  I'm wondering if an indirect way to get them help would be to notify the Humane Society in their area?  If someone went in about the cats, it might be a foot in the door so to speak to get them other help.  It's going to be hard to you to do much without power of attorney.  If your dad has it, he is the one who will have to take the initiative, and there's not much you can do, unfortunately.  Don't know if it would help or hurt him to bring the animal people in, he could end up being in trouble in other ways and I know you don't want that.  Just kinda thinking out loud here.

Iris L.

I don't think the animal hoarding people aim to get people in trouble.  They recognize this is a mental problem.  They just want to get the animals cared for.  Animal hoarding is not a problem that can resolve itself, it only gets worse.  This is only one aspect.  Managing finances is also a problem. 

Iris