Timing Placement

glitterqueenscare

Hi, I am new to this site and so glad I found it.  My Father died from dementia in 2015 and my Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimers in 2016.  He was 76 when he died, she is 77 now.  We placed my Dad in a nursing home after he became a wandering and fall risk and was combative with in home caregivers.  We later realized we probably waited too long to place him at the nursing home because the staff never knew him as he was and by the time we admitted him he didn't have an ability to understand where he was or process the new environment well.  Fast forward to where we are at with Mom now.  She is physically in great shape but she can no longer use the bathroom alone, make herself a meal, shower herself, dress properly, give herself meds, etc.  She is a wandering risk and spends many nights up wandering our house trying to get out as she no longer recognizes it as her home and thinks she either needs to go "home" to the home in her head or has somewhere else to be, we have made our home into a lock down unit to manage this but we worry constantly that we miss something and she gets out. There are signs incontinence has started, she no longer can toilet herself properly or complete all the steps necessary.  For instance, sometimes she knows she has to go but doesn't remember to pull down her brief when she sits on the toilet. There have been a few incontinence incidents including bowel incontinence but most of the time we are catching it in time yet I know this will get much worse. I am watching for skin break down, etc. We know this is only going one direction and are considering placement or at least putting her on a waiting list for a MCF.  I am seeking input from any families out there who placed their LO while they were still in stage 5 or 6 and what their experience was, if they felt their parent transitioned well and if they saw benefits doing it then vs. waiting for further progression. One of our challenges is keeping Mom occupied because she still has some spark to her but can't do much.  We have simple crafts, folding towels, baking, etc. but in a MCF I wonder if the activity there would benefit her at this point in that regard more than I realize. Both of my parents were in great physical shape, they could run marathons as far as their physical fitness but it is a double edge sword as there is real danger of wandering.  The wandering risk coupled with the constant care needs is exhausting, my husband and I are tired and feel more and more imprisoned by the level of supervision and care needed.  My parents were wonderful people, I would have done anything to make this go away if I could for them. I feel like my family has been robbed of many wonderful years we could of had with both of them.  I want to do right by my Mom and am seeking others experiences as we determine our next steps and what is best for her as we feel we may be coming to a point where we are out of our depth as caregivers.

jfkoc

One of the first things you can do is to get your placement plan in place. If / when it is time for placement you will know what is available and will have researched your options.

King Boo

The ship will have sailed on MC if you wait much longer.  You've already passed several factors that are the threshold for many to place:   incontinence, exit seeking and night wakenings.  

Stage 5/6 is often where the majority of MC residents cluster .  When they progressed beyond this they required nursing home level care.  Fortunately, our facility had a snf for seamless care.

I placed in early to mid Stage 5.  My LO rebounded and functioned much better because of the predictable schedule, scaled down living environment and compassionate care (I was fortunate I found a good one).   He loved his music hours, having medicine at 3, dinner at 5, breakfast wheneves, lunch at noon.

It was a good time for him for 2 years.  Not ideal, but he had quality of life and good medical management - they caught problems way before I could.

MN Chickadee

I moved my mother to MC in early stage 6. She was with it enough to know she was in some kind of facility, knew who her husband was etc. She was sad and angry, but there was no way around that. Had we moved her earlier she would have been equally sad and angry, and waiting until she was so far along she didn't know the difference just wasn't an option.  It was a very difficult transition, took about 2 months to settle in. But after that it was obvious that we made the right choice, and if anything I regretted not doing it sooner. She was finally getting the structure, routine, and level of care she needed that we struggled to provide at home. Like King Boo said, the nurses were catching stuff long before we would have at home. Caregiving took a real toll on my father, and it took him a long time to bounce back after she moved. Mom has really thrived at the place and has been content there for the last couple years. I enjoy our visits and am able to be a caregiver in a different way now. Even when there aren't structured activities she stays busy. There is always another resident to interact with and staff to talk to. She is declining now, but when she moved she was extraordinarily able bodied and energetic. They found ways to keep her busy like helping set the tables for meals and folding towels. I recommend you do the research now either way. Tour and select a couple places for your top choices and get on the wait lists. That way if something changes you will be able to move her when necessary. You could break a bone and suddenly be unable to care for her at home. She could have a sudden decline that brings more care needs. Things can change quickly. When still at home my mother went from a bowel accident here and there to totally incontinent rather quickly. This sped up our decision making a lot; that is becomes exhausting fast. And other health events can happen with dementia, so having a plan B and C is really important regardless of what you decide for now.