LO finally says she needs care

errandswithcoffee

After a very long time, almost a year, my LO says they realize they need care. This is finally after being in a home where during covid I could not go visit, was not told the entire story of what was going on.  They had fallen and ambulance came, put in hospital and moved to skilled nursing near me, until weeks ago LO still wanting to go to where they had been with no help but today said they do need help.

Two weeks ago I was already told the POA is in force since LO can no longer make decisions.

I am searching for a MC now, where LO is she prefers to sit in room or sleep quite a bit. And with vascular dementia and waivers the state will pay for MC.

My sibling wants parking to be a factor since he would visit by driving an rv. I am not sure I should put that into the factors, as it may make the choice not the best for my LO. Doesn't it seem the care and cleanliness be the most important factors?

What should be the most important thing when looking for a MC facility?

I am finding I feel an empty gap or something since I am no longer fighting in helping sway to the best decision, now it is on me, which I will do. But it is strangly calm, I am not use to that. Plus since this is the new situation, I feel it is getting more progressed and I feel sad it is. There is no turning the clock back, it is marching along, this Vascular Dementia, which was brought on by Parkinsons.

I have no idea how much time my LO has left, it is hard to deal with all this and also I still cannot go in and visit.

LO has always been sort of antisocial, they prefer to sit alone instead of playing cards, are really not happy at hearing the physical therapy will now be in a group, have been a loner gardener not a group of gals kind of lady, tends to tell people what to do an perhaps instigates arguments, like this all her life, so...not sure how this will go. Already daily tiffs with roommate. I am hearing she is angry the roommate is sweet to nurses and as soon as they leave they fight. No idea, maybe just something she will have to figure out since I have talked and talked to the  nurses asking them to move her to a  new room. Who knows what is really going on, just those two.

 So, if they want to sit alone in a room how will MC be helpful? If they don't do activities with anyone, how would that work?

terei

At my mom’s memory care, she was fetched for every single activity.  There was no choice to sit in your room 24/7.    She + all the other residents who could sit upright were at all activities 5 days a week.  If mom mom was not interested in the activity, she could get up and leave, but usually she stayed, as did most of the other residents.

As far as available parking for an RV, he can figure that out after you have moved her to an appropriate facility.    That cannot be a requirement IMO.  If my brother would have said that to me when I was looking to place my mother, I would have had to cover the phone because I’d be laughing so hard.   He can part wherever + uber to visit if he has to.  None of the facilities I looked at in the Mpls area had parking that would have accommodated an RV.    Possibly if you are looking in the suburbs or rural it would be a possibility.

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zauberflote

Errands, your screen name makes me smile!

My mom was a widow for 23 years, and lived independently for most of them, until at 87 she moved to a small AL, and then at days before 91 to MC. 

In her peaceful, airy two-bedroom apartment which she got after Dad died, she developed the life of a social butterfly, but was also extremely happy sitting in her little green wingback chair, reading or studying for her second Bachelor's degree. When she moved to AL, the activities were of the Bingo and Dominos variety. She had never enjoyed either game and quite looked down her nose at those. She did go to the bi-monthly singalong. But she was very content in her cramped little room, reading in her little green wingback. She had declined much more when we moved her to MC, 600 miles from the widow's life she'd built. So her place of refuge was that little green wingback, and her comfort item was a book from her collection. Later in her decline, she agreed to be escorted to activities, but the rule at the MC was that the resident had the right to refuse activities. (And meds...and meals... but that kind of refusal was pretty self-limiting as they declined farther..)

So I agree that you should choose a place that suits you, not your brother's RV, with which I wish him luck. Hopefully there's a Walmart within an Uber/Lyft/public transport distance. 

One of my "most important things" in choosing a MC would be the personalities of the caregivers, the boots-on-ground folks who will become attached to your LO. Mom's MC was not a stellar place to live all the time, but the staff who'd been there and remained there did the job because they truly loved their charges. 

eaglemom

You have to decide what exactly you want to look for when its time for placement. IMO a place to part an RV would probably be #763!! That has absolutely no value in looking for a placement facility. That makes the placement about him and not your mom. He can walk, urber, etc to the facility that you think is a good fit for your mom.

eagle