one more little loss

M1

We went to the dentist today for the first time in a year (oh, the things we take for granted) and I was worried that she might have trouble, but she did okay--not too much history to give.  But, on the way home, we stopped at Subway for takeout--also for the first time in a year--and she had forgotten how to order.  Just struck me as so poignant, having to do it for her...just another notch on the long downhill slope.  One more little skill not there any more.  Not a big deal, really, compared to what others here are dealing with.  But sad nonetheless.

Rescue mom

And if you’re like me, you’ll remember this loss. I’ll never forget when that happened with DH. We were big foodies; we traveled for restaurants. But shortly after DH Alzheimer’s Dx, we went with friends to a new, very different restaurant. Once we would have discussed choices in detail. This time he didn’t even look at the menu, just said “you order.” I had to leave the table. I finally registered how often before that he’d just said “same”  when ordering. I should have noticed sooner. You’re right, there are much worse things, but it was big then, for him and us.

I had a “minute”, of a different loss, this weekend. The weather is perfect, I was working outside, washing cars, decks, yard care, etc. DH sat and watched. Before, he would have either insisted on doing it, or we’d do it together. Not hard work at all, I can do it, just stuff he used to do and doesn’t now. (He’s physically fine). At one point, while I was watering plants, he asked if he could help. (That was a big statement/sentiment for him now). 

 I handed him a full watering can, pointed at a potted plant about 10 feet away, and asked him to water it. He took the can, poured it on a deck chair, and sat down in it. Could be worse—and nothing really new—but it hit hard this weekend for some reason.

Ed1937

In my opinion, there are no little losses. It's only that some are more significant than others. But every one hurts. And we know there are more to come.

Jeff86

I’m with Ed.  All the losses hurt.

My DW is entirely incapable of ordering from a menu, after a lifetime of having strong food likes not dislikes and having been a superb chef.  She just says, “You order.  You know what I like.”

It’s all part of a loss of agency, of will.  My DW can’t choose her own clothes, or where to sit, or  what to do.  

Every day our LOs are becoming less themselves.  It hurts to observe it.

White Crane

We recently ate out for the first time in over a year and DH picked up the multi page menu and looked lost.  He had no idea what to order.  He even told me he was having trouble figuring out the menu.  He was also getting upset at the prices.  He thinks everything should cost the same as it did fifty years ago.  I finally suggested something that I knew would be a very large portion and we split it.  I don't think he enjoyed it too much but at least we were out of the house for a while.

Last Wednesday was my birthday and I wanted to eat out.  Our daughter is visiting from Boston and she helped convince her dad that we should eat out for my birthday.  Again, the menu was too much for him.  Thankfully, the waitress was so patient with him and said to take his time.  I finally suggested something I knew he liked and that's what he ordered.  It was a lovely meal but there were unshed tears making it not as happy as I had hoped.

David J

Looking back, the loss of cognitive ability and executive function is evident in ordering food in a restaurant. It’s been at least three years since DW could order from a menu. I got in the habit of suggesting a few things and she would pick. Then it progressed to yes/no for each suggestion. Before becoming incapable of even comprehending the task of choosing a meal, she would get whatever I ordered. Now I order for her. DW’s essential tremor makes eating difficult, so take out is our “eating out”. A break from my repetitive menu!