What Stage?

RickMcGee1

Good morning,

My partner was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia this past summer. He was born a triplet and one of his triplet sisters died from complications of Alzheimer's. I noticed changes beginning about 2 and half years ago. He got lost driving to a few of his appointments last year. He was unstable on his feet and fell last summer and broke his jaw when he drove himself to the grocery store without my knowledge. That is when I took his keys away and no longer allowed him to drive. I also took over all the finances as he was having trouble paying bills online, sometimes overpaying several months in advance and forgetting to pay others. He repeats the same questions over and over. He sometimes has incontinence issues. He watches the same movies over and over daily. He can still cook some things in the microwave, still bathes himself and stays somewhat clean. He gets confused easily and gets belligerent and frustrated very easily. He was falling quite a bit more in the last few weeks up until about 2 weeks ago and suddenly was doing better. I was ready to begin looking at assisted living facilities for his safety and because I was just beginning to lose my own sanity as well as having trouble picking him up off the floor and pulling my back. We made an appointment to see a Neurologist where I was hoping to get some answers. After a few tests and an MRI, he told us that he might have early Alzheimer’s as well. I felt that I had been run over by a bus because I did not get any definitive answers. I thought he was ready for assisted living, but he is doing better these past couple of weeks that I don’t know what to do or what stage he is possibly in? Researching online I think he may be about stage 4. I just do not know how long this will last or when should assisted living be looked at. He absolutely refuses to talk about assisted living, but he did purchase a policy for this a few years ago. Any advice would be appreciated.

Ernie123

Contact the Alzheimer’s Society and request counseling and they will provide you with good advice and help. And as the disease progresses their services will help you immensely. They will help with practical matters like POA’s, information about the disease, tips on how to handle situations and very important support for you as a caregiver through counseling and support group meetings.

Quilting brings calm

My LO is stage 4. Still doing all the ADLs( showing, dressing, toileting, etc). But not doing the IADLs( banking, driving etc).  She and my Step-dad have been in assisted living for almost 18 months now.  In our case, Mom had an undiagnosed UTI that turned into urosepsis before anyone would listen to us.  Emergency move to our state. Hospital ( finally diagnosed) rehab.  They needed a place to stay.  They had already tried an independent living complex ( a few weeks in the other state with the undiagnosed UTI).  Since that obviously didn’t work for them, I got them in assisted living. He had already shown he was incapable of caring for her without assistance for various reasons.  Nor was he capable of doing the finances etc. 

In your case, it will be when you feel you can no longer care for him in your home.  Work, family situations, health ( yours too), your stress levels etc . all come into play. Wandering, delusions, toileting all are factors too. If you search this forum and the caregivers forum for key words such as ‘ when do you know, when is it time, Etc)  you will see what causes others to do the move to ASL. 

Iris L.

RickMcGee1 wrote:

 He absolutely refuses to talk about assisted living, but he did purchase a policy for this a few years ago. 

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Welcome Rick.  Your LO won't talk about assisted living or anything dementia related because he probably has anosognosia.  This is a characteristic of the dementias that causes the PWD to be unaware of having dementia or of needing assistance.  You will have to learn work-arounds from the members and probably make all the major decisions.  

Make sure the policy is up to date.  Read the requirements for placement and see how many months are allowed.  There is much you can do regarding home care.  Be mindful of cardiovascular concerns, such as hypertension.  Read the online information and read a lot of threads.  Members here are very knowledgeable and very helpful.  

Iris L.