Is it time for 911?

2 Young

Can anyone enlighten me on what the protocol is when calling 911 because DH is out of hand? He’s not violent but he’s so extremely agitated that he’s in my face repeating things loudly for long periods of time and I can’t take it any longer.

ladyzetta

If it was me and I felt he might hit me I would call 911. Can you have his Dr give him something to calm him down?

Michael Ellenbogen

Call 911 and seek help!

LadyTexan

I have had experience calling 911 when my husband was a risk to me or himself. If you feel DH is a risk to you or others, do not hesitate to call 911. 

To avoid future agitation consider watching videos on the validation technique and communicating with someone with dementia, for example, speaking calmly, not arguing, distracting, etc.

After DH was diagnosed, he became aggressive, threatening and verbally abusive on more than one occasion. It was very scary, I was shocked the first time it happened and probably didn't think very clearly.

This post includes several lessons I learned regarding safety. Please don't wait for a crisis to implement safety practices.

The overall lesson is I cannot care for a man that is a risk to my safety.

1. Think about safety and be safe. Safety comes first. 
2. ALWAYS keep your cell phone charged and within reach.
3. Don't hesitate to leave or call 911 in the event of an aggressive explosion that puts your safety at risk. 
4. Trust the people who have endured, or are enduring this rugged path. They speak from experience  
5. When people offer to help, let them. 
6. Don’t expect the social services agencies or the police to meet your expectations. But do call on them for assistance  
7. Don’t isolate. Develop and maintain a supportive network.
8. Sleep when you can. 
9. Don’t delay in handling the legal matters.  
10. Decisions should be made based on logic, not emotion. 
11. Remove, hide or lock-up potential weapons. For example, get the guns and ammo out of the house. Get the hammers and box cutters out of the house. I have minimal knives in the kitchen.
12. Identify rooms in the house can be secured with a lock. Although both the bedroom and bathroom door in our apartment can be locked, my plan is to leave the apartment. 
13. I am prepared to leave my home without hesitation and I will stay away from my home for as long as necessary even if it means sleeping in my car.
14. Consider keeping important documents and a “go bag” in the car or off premises. I keep copies off important documents stored with a loved one out of town.
15. The phone numbers for the crisis response center and the women's resource center are programmed into my phone. 
16. I practice gratitude no matter how hopeless. For example, I am grateful for all of you. I am grateful for the places I’ve slept. The various roofs I’ve had over my head, hot coffee, nature, my car, a cell phone charger, toothpaste, a hot bath, clean underwear, my faith in a higher power. 

DH was angry for months & months and I was his verbal punching bag. Every loss and every problem was my fault. He said the ugliest things to me. He threw me out of the house. He told several doctors that he was divorcing me which made arranging care especially difficult.

 

After one particularly horrible incident, DH ended up in the psych hospital. Thank goodness. The 72 hours that he was inpatient provided much need respite for me.

As a result of the hospital stay, DH connected with a geri-psychiatrist that is phenomenal. She prescribed anti-anxiety meds and emphasized to him that the meds would not work if he drank. He didn't stop drinking at that point. After several more horrible incidents, and additional meds, and follow-up visits with the geri-psych doctor, husband is now abstaining from alcohol. THAT has made a huge difference. I have quite a few alcoholics in my life, so I know what an anomaly DH's sobriety is. I credit the meds, the doctor and the grace of God.

The verbal insults still come and are still painful. I try to be my own cheerleader because DH doesn't appreciate the depth of my commitment to his well being and care.

My life was often chaotic, miserable, unpredictable and a lonely place to be. Friends and family did not understand what I was going through. But the people on this forum did. They understood and cared. The caregiver heroes here provided applicable and actionable suggestions. 

I also learned to discuss what happened (my husband's aggressive outbursts) with a trusted friend or professional. Thanks goodness I was able to vent on this forum. I received excellent, NONJUDGMENTAL advice and suggestions from the caregiver heroes here.

Later, my counselor helped me process what happened. Once I shared my experience with someone I trusted, the fear and the shame had less power over me.

Please be safe. 

abc123

Dear 2 young, I’m sorry you and your husband are going through this hard time. It’s very important to have a plan for safety. Lady Texan has shared excellent advice. We all deserve to be safe, that includes you too! This disease is bad enough. Please keep us updated on things. We care about you and your DH. It’s possible there is a medication that would really help him. Good luck!

2 Young

He’s on Seroquel which generally helps immensely but this morning even after an extra dose it didn’t calm him. It has happened that way before but not the norm. I want to emphasize again that he wasn’t violent or a threat to me in any way other than threatening my sanity and making me feel like I could physically harm him out of desperation for relief. He has now calmed down but I know it will happen again eventually and I want to be armed with whatever information can help.

jfkoc

First, I am sorry that you are having such a difficult journey. I do understand.

That said, I agree with another post. There is much you can not change but you can change your level of knowledge about being a caregiver of someone with dementia. You can change the environment that both of you live in. 

That is both a good and bad thing.

Let us know what books you have already read and we will come up with some more and also some sites that are very helpful. Non-medical treatment can be just as effective as the use of drugs....education is an important key.

Iris L.

Consult with the doctor about adjusting the dosage of medication. Is this a geriatric psychiatrist or geriatrician?  They know the most about these specialized medications.  There is not one dose, the dose must be titrated for each patient.  

Calling 911 works for a crisis.  But the emergency doctors will refer you to a geriatric doctor for ongoing care.  

 Iris

Rescue mom

If you ever think you, or he, is doing anything that could be harmful to you or him, I’d call 9-1-1 immediately. If you are in fear for his well-being, or yours, I say call. They can help calm him down.  In my view, I’d call sooner than later. There’s no downside to calling. (unless you send dozens of obviously false alarms in a short time, which is a highly unlikely judgment in your situation).

John_inFlorida

As everyone has stated yours and his safety is important and you need to call 911 to keep safe. But also communicate to his doctor, there must be additional medication that can help.

So sorry your going through this

abc123

Dear 2 young,  when my Mom gets agitated, confused and mean because she is confused, I use fiblets. It actually lying but it calms her down so I do it! I say whatever it is she needs to hear. I always talk to her like an adult and I always treat her with respect. She is just starting to experience what others refer to as the rage stage. It’s very scary for me because she’s never acted this way before. Teepa Snow videos have helped me a great deal. I read everything I can possibly get my hands on. I read on these boards every day. It helps me to help my LO. 

Good luck! This is a rough journey but you will find your way! We are on your side and we do care about you and your DH.

2 Young

Read a book? Ha! It’s been two years since I’ve been “allowed” to read without constant interruption. I do read articles and have also gleaned a lot of information from the forum, as well as Teepa Snow. I will definitely talk to his doctor about adjusting his meds - again.