Yesterday was almost too much to cope with.

White Crane

The day was over the top. It’s the next day and I still feel shellshocked. The electrician got here at 9:30 to fix the light in the upstairs bathroom. DH treated him with disdain and later griped at him for dragging mud into of the house and getting it on the carpet and on the bathroom floor. There was no mud on the carpet or on the bathroom floor.  I’m glad he came and fixed the wiring. He said we could have had a fire! DH kept griping about it and asking how much it cost. It was only $50 but I told him it was 25. Later, the mail came and we had a statement from his IRA account. There was also a reimbursement check for $445 from his health expense  account. He marveled that he had money in an IRA and couldn’t understand where it came from or what it was for. He wanted to take it out and go spend it. Then grabbed the check and I couldn’t make him understand where it was from or that it was a reimbursement for funds we had already paid.  He just wanted to go to the bank, get his money, and spend it. He could not understand that it was merely a reimbursement. He went on and on about it and was verbally abusive. Just writing this, I’m about to cry. He also griped more about having the electrician come and fix the light. He left the room for a while, then came back in and grabbed  the check again. Then our daughter (Who has been staying with us for two weeks ) and I attempted to replace some burnt out bulbs chandelier in the foyer. One was replaced fine, the other broke and the rest  of the base is still in the socket. I will need to deal with that today. DH Still ranting, so our daughter went outside for a while. She came back in and told me there was fungus all over the fir tree in the front yard. Just one more thing to deal with. DH was still ranting and I was trying to prepare a  chicken to put in the oven because our/my son and family who live 100miles away were coming up for supper. It was too much! I left the house and walked to the nearby park and sat on a bench. Then I called our son who is a pastor I had a long talk with him. When I got back to the house, things were quiet for a few minutes. Then it started all over again with him grabbing the check and wanting to go to the bank. I’m overwhelmed! I don’t know what to do! Please help me Lord!

Supper went well and DH enjoyed it. I enjoyed having them but I was just so very very tired physically and emotionally. I felt spent . At the end of the day, he said he had a good day. I think I’ll go  cry now. 

1.  

Ed1937

You had a rough day, and I have no words of wisdom for you. But know that we are always here to support you when you have a bad time. Hopefully today will be better.

2 Young

I’m sorry you had such a rough day. I certainly understand what it feels like to be at your wits end and like there’s no escape. When DH obsesses over things I have to hide them when possible. Out of sight out of mind. Of course this doesn’t apply to many things. I hope you have a better day today.

M1

I'm with you WC, feeling that way myself right now.  No fixing some of it.  I hide all the mail though now, do you do that?  Could you have signed the check so he never knew about it?  That's the only thing I can think of.  Glad dinner worked out okay though.  Next time maybe your son can bring it so you don't have to cook.  If you're like me, it's hard to accept letting other people take stuff over, and I like to cook.  Part of Mom's nurturing role, right?

LadyTexan

Oh my! What an overwhelming day. I am so sorry.

Somedays it seems like it is just one darn thing after another and it is all piling on top of me. Usually when I have a day like that I can't help but think about a commercial from the 1970's. The commercial was for Calgon bubble bath or maybe bath salts. The lady in the commercial has too much going on with the kids and the traffic and the boss and the dog. She is about to lose it when she says "Calgon, take me away!!" Thinking of the commercial makes me laugh a little and takes my mind off the crazy dementia journey for a second....... okay, maybe 1/2 a second.

White Crane

Thank you Ed, 2young, M1,Lady Texan.  I try to get to the mail before he does, but he was waiting to greet the mail carrier yesterday. Normally if a check is in the mail, I go ahead and sign it and deposit it.  Thankfully, today has been better. I am always grateful for a quiet day. And I’m always grateful for each of you! Lady Texan, I had forgotten all about that Calgon commercial. It brought a smile to my face to remember it. Thanks.

Cynbar

White Crane, I can so relate to the money issues. My DH is obsessed over saving money and how much things cost. The problem is that he is stuck way in the past and thinks everything should cost much less than it does , If we have a repairman or a delivery, I have to head them off and tell them what DH expects to spend (and it's always laughably low.) Otherwise, he'll go into a real tizzy. People have been very nice about playing along, but it's exhausting to keep up the charade. Reminds me of that old saying, if you tell the truth you don't have to remember what you said last time. I'm having trouble keeping up with it all.

nancyj194

White crane, you are in my heart. Rough days like you had, is when someone needs to hold yours and I am doing that. Your day brings tears to my eyes.  Tomorrow is a new day. 

Your children/family sound wonderful.  

The white lies can be so much easier on us. I don't have to use them often, but know that when I do, the day will be easier.  

Kevcoy

Just a couple of thoughts here.  Can you go paperless with the IRA account so you can access it through your email?  Also, maybe you can set up the health expense account to have any check issued be done so through direct deposit so no paper check is issued and it goes right into you checking/savings account.

White Crane

Yes, Keeping up the charade is exhausting! Thankfully, most people understand.

White Crane

 Yes, I did need someone to hold my hand.  Thank you, Nancy.

Kevcoy, I thought of getting paperless reports and I see that I need to follow through on it. Thank you for the suggestion.

janeymack

I got a PO Box years ago and it eliminated so many major problems of missing bills, fighting, etc. Just change all important mail (bills, banking, doctors, investments) to the PO Box and leave the existing address for friends, family, packages, etc. It also eliminates a ton of junk mail and catalogs from piling up because there are recycling bins in the post office so it never leaves the building to clutter up your counters.

abc123

White Crane, I’m sorry you had such a bad day. I wish I could send all of us a big box of Calgon! 

Dinner idea when your in a pinch!  The rotisserie chickens from Walmart are very good! I’ll grab one of those and warm up a can of veggies and my LO is happy. On Sundays I’ll make creamed potatoes and a gravy with the drippings from the rotisserie chicken. A small salad or a veggie. Voila! Sunday dinner without killing myself. Good luck! I hope tomorrow is a peaceful day for you and DH.

ARgirl

White Crane,  

I have had many days like this. My DH has early onset disease, now in year 10. I have also left for a few hours to regroup and recharge.  It is never easy, never.  

One day recently I felt at the end of my rope, dangling by one arm...my husband looked at me and said he had forgotten to tell me something, "I love you". Well, I burst into tears. Then another day he told me I was the best waitress he had ever met.  I asked him for a tip, which had us both laughing.  

I have been through so many stages of anger and rage, only to realize I am angry at the disease not my husband.  Caregiving is the most difficult gig I have ever done, and I have been a RN for 42 years. Nothing compares, and many folks, including family, simply do not understand.  

I also have had so much frustration during Covid to have to constantly explain why I have to be with my husband at dr visits. Have POA on file, still questioned and interrogated. I have become quite the outspoken advocate.   

There is no magic trick to help caregivers. I don't post often but know that I read posts many times late at night to avoid feeling "alone in the Alzheimer's world".  You folks will never know how much your posts mean to me.

anneleigh

How about subscribing to "Informed delivery with USPS".  every morning I look at my emails and see what is expected to come.  If it is something financial or a bill, I am sure to make the effort to get to mailbox first. If it is random realtor, or other stuff I let my DH get the mail.  Sometimes I even grab the important letters and leave the other mail in mailbox for DH to retrieve.  It is like playing a game.

Prayers for you as you deal with this problem.

John_inFlorida

seems like you received many useful suggestions.

Just in case you dont know, for your broken light bulb. Make sure its turned off and hes not around to accidently turn it on. Then use a needle nose plier to grip the metal base and unscrew it. Its usually pretty easy to do

White Crane

Thank you all so much for your suggestions, sharing, prayers, and kind response.  I'm happy to report that the next day was much better...much!  It took some work but I asked him to help me by cutting up the chicken for the soup I was making, help me change sheets on the bed, help me fold laundry, help dry dishes, and finally I watched TV with him before we went to bed.  I was tired but it was a much better day.  I know he gets bored and some days I just can't think of all that much stuff for him to do.  And some days he just seems out of sorts and nothing I say or ask him to do would help.  That's the nature of the beast...Alzheimer's.

The suggestion for the PO box and for the Informed Delivery gave me something to think about.  And I did arrange for paperless reports for his IRA.  His needle nose pliers were in his toolbox so I will be trying to remove the rest of that lightbulb.  And the rotisserie chicken idea sounds yummy. 

Like AR girl, I am angry at the disease.  Thank you all for being there.

Tdrinker46

You use a potato cut in half to remove bulb that broke in its socket.

I have found it easier to order food from restaurants or grocery store meals.  A friend has make your own sandwich fixings.  You want to enjoy time with your family.  Thinking positive thoughts for you.

jfkoc

I was going to suggest the potato;

https://www.bobvila.com/articles/how-to-remove-a-broken-light-bulb/

RainbowCare

AR girl - you hit the nail on the head.  We often feel so all alone and people who don't live the life of a caregiver to someone who has dementia/alzheimers never understand.  I appreciate your story as well as there are times when I'm at the end of my rope something in my face shows my stress and often my husband will say things like "you're so pretty", or "I love you", or "are you OK?".  My DH will often say funny things and those moments bring me joy.  There is a lot of satisfaction in caring for the person you love, but there's also a lot of anger and frustration especially where had been marriage issues in the past.  We have to separate the spouse from the illness and that is so hard.  Stay well and check in often.  Glad I found this forum.

Buggsroo

Hi White Crane.

Your day sounds like a lot of my days. I am sorry your DH is repetitive. My DH is the same. I work part time at home on the computer. My husband will ask me the same question over and over. I try to be patient, but sometimes my head feels like it will explode. I cry too, just had my 30th wedding anniversary, but our life is so different. I don’t have a husband, I have a little boy, who can be very sweet but also quite abusive. No advice here, just telling you I understand and can imagine how crazy making this can be. 

towhee

Make sure to turn power off at breaker box an that LO is occupied elsewhere. Last thing you need is LO being helpful and turning power on at wrong time.