He is gone(1)

ImInTheGarden

My husband died February 1st. It’s been so hard. I miss him. I miss my vibrant, intelligent, beautiful sweet husband. I can’t believe he’s gone.

I wanted to say how helpful this site has been for me. Thank you all for sharing your hearts on this forum.

In January, hospice advised me to keep my husband in bed, as he was likely to break his hip or hit his head from his constant falls. I said, “ he’ll never stay in bed!” Well, I was wrong. He fell asleep that Thursday and never got up again. Our children all came home and helped me care for him...bathing, turning, diapering, singing and loving on him for 12 days. I’m so thankful I could keep him home. He wanted to die at here. 

I was 59 years and he was 70 when he passed. Our 40th anniversary is in June. I cared for him for 7 years. In the thick of caregiving, you think it will never end, but it does. Now I’m dealing with the anger, regret and deep sadness... and letting myself grieve.  

I wish you all courage and strength.

JoanE

I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing. As I'm only beginning this journey I can only imagine. My heart goes out to you and your family. Sending prayers.

David J

So very sorry for your loss. I’m glad that you were able to keep him home till the end, since that is what he and you wanted. Also glad you came back to the forum to tell us about it and let us know how you’re doing. Be strong and remember the good times most.

Ed1937

Sorry to hear of your loss. But I'm glad you had the badly needed help. Now is the time to focus on your own health. We're still here for you anytime you feel like coming back.

piozam13

hi, sorry to hear about your loss.  DH too was called to join our Lord in January 5.  I'm planning a celebration-of-life and water burial for him. reach out.  the pain does not go away.  i'm here for you.

Lorita

I'm so sorry for your loss and glad you were able to keep him as home as he wished and that you had help in the caregiving.  I know how lonesome you are and how you miss him.  I still miss my husband even after more than six years - I think I always will.  But, we all have memories and those will help.  There are always things we remember and wish we had done differently but we have to think of all the things we did to help.

Jeff86

Deepest condolences on your DH’s passing.

I am glad your whole family participated in caring for him, at home, in the last two weeks of his life.  What a beautiful bond.

You’ve been a wonderful caregiver.  Time now to care for your self.  Thank you for being part of this wonderful community.

Beachfan

I am so very sorry for your loss.  How fortunate to have been able to grant his wish to pass at home; you are blessed to have such a caring family.  Take time to heal and hold fast to your good memories.

LadyTexan

Dear Im in the Garden,

I am sincerely sorry for your loss. You have been a brave and compassionate caregiver. 

May God comfort you and bring peace to your family and loved ones. Please be gentle with yourself and take time to grieve. Cherish the memories. Forget the regrets.

Take care,

-LT

Potsie

Dear ImInTheGarden,

I am sorry to hear of your great loss. It is amazing that you were able to keep him home. I hope you can find comfort and peace in the days ahead. Hugs to you.

abc123

I’m very sorry for the loss of your precious husband. Try to be kind to yourself, you deserve it. You have been through so much. I’m glad he was able to be at home with you and your children.

Yesterday was the 8th anniversary of my husbands death. Thinking about his smile is always a source of comfort and peace. I don’t know why but it is. I’m grateful for the memories I have. Please stay in touch and let us know how you are getting along. Take good care of yourself.

Doityourselfer

I'm sorry for your loss.   Take care of yourself.

Joe C.

My condolences on the loss of your husband. It is wonderful that you both had the support of caring children in the final days. I pray that you may find some peace as you move forward.

ImInTheGarden

Thank you for your kind responses. 

While I was caring for my husband, I had to be strong. Now I can sit in my garden and let it all out. When he was alive, it upset him to see me cry. He would start to cry, too. We did cry together at times. He didn’t want to leave me. I miss him so.

M1

Love your peonies.  Hope they are blooming now to give you comfort.  Weeding always helps, I find--great stress relief!!

Ed1937

I'm sorry for your loss. And I hope you can find peace in the garden, while you get through the grieving process.

Marie58

I'm so sorry for your loss. May God grant you and your family grace, peace and comfort. Take care of yourself now.

LadyTexan

I cannot imagine the depth of your grief. I am glad you have a garden to go to. Gardens can be such healing places. They are full of beauty and life.

ButterflyWings

Dear In the Garden,

Sending you light and love during this time of sadness and grieving. We have been letting go for so many years while caring for our LOs but it is not really possible to anticipate the grief when they are really gone. You are an inspiration to me as I hope to care for my DH at home to the end. I am so sorry for your loss. 

abc123

Thinking of you today.

LorettaP

I know there are no words that can bring comfort in the loss of your husband. I know the pain seems unbearable and I’m told, the loss is comparable to losing a child. Time helps, but the pain has never went away, at least for me. My 1st husband, who was perfectly healthy, went to work one day in 2011, and passed away unexpectedly. We had been married 27 years, and were both 49-years-old. Even now, I miss him. The pain has diminished, but it’s still there, and I doubt it will ever go away. I am now remarried and my husband has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. I am 59-years-old now, and he’s 10 years older. I’ve begun to feel grief again, it’s like an unwelcome guest returning to visit, and I know he’s not leaving anytime soon. I am so, so, very sorry for your loss. I completely empathize with what you’re feeling. Your whole world is gone. For me it was like losing a limb, that was how I’d describe it—Learning to live with a part of you missing. I still see him though, in a beautiful sunset, in a breathtaking view of the ocean, in our two sons. May God give you strength during this time. It’s a difficult journey, it’s one day at a time, or one hour at a time, and sometimes even one minute at a time. Try to give yourself some grace, I know it’s hard.  God bless, Lorettta

anneleigh

May God give you strength and peace.  You were a great caregiver to your husband.