We need a thread for jokes

Ed1937

The Pope is handing out miracles to kids in Liverpool. Billy walks up on stage, and asks if the Pope can help him with his hearing. The Pope assured Billy that he could. He put his hands over Billy's ears, then said a few prayers. He removed his hands, and asked Billy how his hearing is now. Billy said he didn't know because the hearing wasn't until next Wednesday.

Whyzit

Thanks Ed, that is too funny.

LadyTexan

This is an observation that my friend finds funny. It may be too close to home for some. Fair warning: it is definitely not safe for work and includes potty mouth.

People I know often describe the workplace as a dumpster fire or a specific event as a sh!t show. My response:

1. First I want to scream. 
2. Then I want to tell them that fecal incontinence is the Real Sh!t Show. Everything else is just an irritating bowel syndrome.

ScottyTom

My favorite grandpa joke.  I'll know the girls are growing up when they get this one... right now they just say, "I don't get it."  Eventually, it'll be the eye roll and "Oh, grandpa!"

Question:  What do you do when you see a spaceman?

Ans:  You park in it, man.

Crushed

mrl

Crushed,

Over the top-love it using it tmro LOL ☺

Michele

Stuck in the middle

Did you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you, and feel glad to be alive?  I just did, and apparently will not be allowed to fly on that airline again.

LadyTexan

Q: Why is 6 afraid of 7?

A: Because 7 ate 9.

Arrowhead

This is not a joke, it really happened in a conversation with my wife.

Her: I can't find him.

Me: Can't find who?

Her: Your husband

Me: My husband?

Her: Yes, your husband

Me: I'm not gay.

Her: You're not?

My children love that story.

abc123

Arrowhead, that’s PRICELESS!!!! I love it!

Joe C.

Not a joke but maybe worth a chuckle anyhow.

I just got myself in trouble! DW believes the women in the mirror is her girlfriend. This afternoon when walking by a mirror she said, “OH look there’s my girlfriend”. I replied, “yea I see her all the time” to which DW responded, “So your seeing someone else”. At least today she implied we are a couple so I’ll take that as a win.

Ed1937

Better be careful, Joe. You might break up a good friendship.