Dealing with LO’s anger

RRaines

I’m new to this group.  My father was diagnosed with dementia 5 years ago.  There has been a slow but steady decline in his cognition, while his emotions and anger at the world have increased.  A man known to use the casual curse word has become a ranting, cursing, sometimes unrecognizable bear, especially to my mother.  However, until now, he has not cursed at me, his 62 year old daughter. Then just a couple of days ago he lost it and cursed me a blue streak.  And though I know it’s mostly the dementia talking, I was so incredibly hurt and stunned for my father to speak to me that way.  There have been so many challenges over the last few years, but I feel I’ve reached a new low.  How do others deal with this?

Teresag56

I know that had to be awful to hear your dad speak that way. I am sorry. I have not had to deal with curse words yet, but my mom does alot of eye rolling and making noises if she is mad or upset or agitated. Something so simple as the TV being on the wrong chanel can set her off. Just try to remember it is this dreadful awful disease they have. It is hard I know...

sunseeker

It is hard not to take behaviors personally at times, but it really is the disease and you have to work hard to remind yourself over and over again.  We all get tired and worn out and then start to take things personally. We have all been there many times.

Kath50

My mom just earlier got mad because my girls were getting attention over her. I just ignored it, continued to play cards with my kids while she stewed. I vented afterwards in another room. I let it out, realized it was her brain and moved on. Look at it like a child throwing a tantrum, they get over it and so will you. Don’t take it personal!

harshedbuzz

I am truly sorry you are dealing with this and in pain.

I have two thoughts on this-

1. It's important to embrace the idea that your dad's brain is diseased and damaged. I struggled with this early on, but for my mother is was an ongoing challenge. And like your dad, he saved his nastiest stuff for her- the dementia trifecta of blistering words, accusations and delusions. This was new to her; dad and I never had an easy relationship and I what I heard was not all that different than the scripts with which I grew up. 

This short read helped us both appreciate that dad's brain was broken:

12 pt Understanding the Dementia Experience (dementiacarestrategies.com)


2. Nobody is required to take abuse even if the person doing so is cognitively impaired. I would encourage you to get your dad in to see a geriatric psychiatrist for an evaluation and discussion of medication to dial back whatever is driving this behavior. Dad's geri psych was able to prescribe a cocktail of psychoactive meds which relieved his anxiety which lessened his behaviors without sedating him. This allowed my mom to care for him at home until about 2 months before he died.

Good luck.

HB