Looking For Volunteers

CareBear81

Is there a website I can go to where I can look for a volunteer in my area to help relieve us during the day for a couple of hours or so? My dad is REALLY getting stressed out and tired. He tries to escape every minute he can. I am about to graduate college in 4.5 weeks and my chemistry class has me super busy so lately I haven’t been able to relieve him. I’m not trying to be selfish or anything but I HAVE to stay focused these last few weeks. This could mean whether I get into UT Austin or not.

I did go to some websites but then I started going to another website, and then it would open the page to another, and another, and I was getting nowhere. Another website just flat out said there were no volunteers in my area. Any have experience with this? How did you find a volunteer?

M1

Sorry but I'd be leery of a volunteer. No way to do background checks. Too easy to get taken advantage of or have someone abuse your LO. You get what you pay for. Wish it were easier.

CareBear81

Hmmm ... good point. Even hospice suggested we look for volunteers. I might want to talk to them about this. It could be a problem.

Iris L.

Several years ago I did orientation for a group that helped seniors.  Our job was to engage and be a companion for an hour or two.  We were trained to some degree.  But we were not there to be caregivers for PWDs.  My neighbor had a volunteer from a different local senior group.  They chatted about old times.  But now the volunteer has a paying job.  If you just want a companion for conversation, seek out your local senior groups.  But if you are looking for a caregiver for a PWD, I believe you will have to pay.  Also look into a senior day care center.  More will be re-opening up.  Check out the vaccination requirements.

Iris L.

harshedbuzz

No such organization exists where I live.

There is a hospice visitor group that drops in to visit but doesn't offer respite- a family member must be there unless the person is in inpatient hospice. There is a meal delivery for the "isolated" elderly where a visitor drops food and stays an hour or so weekly. Sometimes churches offer a visitation ministry for shut-ins, but it's care for the soul as opposed to help with the bathroom and preventing an elopement.

Care.com may be an option for care at a lower cost than what is available via an agency in your area. Another option might be a day program. In some places these are sliding scale fee and/or subsidized. Your area agency on aging may have some ideas.

That said, you are asking for a Bandaid to deal with an emergent crisis. Assuming you do get into UT Austin, a graduate science program is going to own you. DH has a PhD in chemistry; grad school was nothing like undergrad. You will not have the "free time" to help your dad with your mom. Her care needs are going to increase as the disease progresses and he's going to get older and more tired or could have a medical event of his own that precludes caregiving. 

It would likely be a good idea if you and he come up with a more permanent plan to allow him help or investigate placement.

Michael Ellenbogen

What state and city do you live in?

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

Rescue mom

I also need help looking after my husband with Alzheimer’s. To be very blunt, No volunteers IME can be counted on to show up regularly and deal with a person with dementia. Sure, friends or family may come and visit for 30 mins. or so, but not regularly, and they would not do the things most dementia caregivers have to do. 

Caregiving is hard, often unpleasant,  work. Dementia patients are often difficult. Even Hospices around me said they could not find volunteers to help with dementia patients. (They did have maybe 3-4 pre-covid,  but said they could not be depended on and would not stay more than an hour.)

Hospice suggested to you that look for volunteers, right? But did they have any specifics on how or where? It’s an easy out for them to say that, on something that has no easy or even good solutions.

All that said, there could be a church group or some organization in your area that will provide occasional volunteers. But as said, a “companion” or social visit is one thing, caring for dementia is another thing. 

Then there’s the theft etc. question. Honestly, if a stranger volunteered to do that regularly, I’d wonder about their motives.

But you can often find a paid caregiver, with dementia experience, for around $20/hour, IME. Adult day care is another good idea. Your caregiver parent undoubtedly needs help, and it never gets better. Your parents life is set, yours is just beginning. No way should you even consider giving up your education—your future—to take that on. Your parent with dementia would not want that, no parent does. 

abc123

I would not trust a volunteer with my LO, even if I could find several. Too many bad things can happen.

King Boo

Hi Care Bear,

You are clearly a loving daughter.  This is the advice I would give my daughter:

Leave the house to study somewhere else honey.  Your studies are extremely important and I cannot guarantee you will not be interrupted and you need to ace these exams as best as possible.

Life happens.  This is a crappy time for me , your Mom's care needs are great, but it is not your responsibility to sacrifice your college admissions.  This is MY problem.  Sure, I'm stressed out and a mess.  But you shouldn't be solving your Dad's problems.

I'll welcome your help again after your exams, you may be able to help me find some additional care, Medicaid, or possibly help me find an adult day care to pay for on a sliding fee scale which will give me a break.  I know there are no volunteers that can help us right now, the liability of your Mom exit seeking and her behaviors needs a trained professional.  But I can get through a few more weeks.

Right now - go study.  Don't worry about me or Mom.

Michael Ellenbogen

I have to say I have now seen so many question the motives of volunteers. I am not sure why you think you can trust some that you pay vs some one who volunteers. I have volunteered all my life for other things such as red cross and those folks were better than the people who got paid and I had a high level job with most places. We were trained better them people working in other companies.

 

Which leads mt to why I am saying this. I am part of a program now that is being developed to proved free educated volunteers to help give caregivers time of so they could have some freedom. So before you start saying bad thing about volunteers you real need to know what you are taking about. In fact these folks will be well trained before they go in those positions to insure they know who to handle situations which is a lot more then I can say for most paid assisted living centers. So please be open minded as so much in this world are done by great people who proved great service for free because they want to give back. 

Rescue mom

Michael, I kind of thought somebody would raise the same points. 

In my view, “paid” does not automatically mean better, but what it implies to me, is that is their job, they know what’s involved, and they show up. Payment encourages showing up. References and experience are musts. The matter of “trust” as you say, is not necessarily better with one or the other, IMO. But showing up is.

My DH with Alzheimer’s was on several nonprofit boards—from arts to enviro to historical to civic and disaster,  over decades—for groups that relied on volunteers, including board members (who are indeed special

People volunteered because they Enjoyed that particular work, and did want to give back. They did essential work as volunteers. But if there was some longer-term duty that was less pleasant, or did not suit them or their schedule, or not what they envisioned, volunteers could and would leave early, or not show up at all. After all, they volunteer for something they enjoy, why would they do something, for long, they don’t?

There’s always some who can be counted on for almost anything. But that’s not the general rule, nor expectation (except for board members, of course!).  and back to my start, most volunteers are doing something they enjoy.

How many people, outside of family, enjoy dealing with a dementia patient who tries to escape, has toilet problems, fights help, needs to be fed, won’t dress, repeats the same thing? Makes ugly comments? Etc etc.  Early stages are much easier, but there’s less need for home help then.

I hope you  can develop a volunteer program to help fill that need, lord knows there is a HUGE need. Local Hospices and other agencies in my region say they can’t get volunteers for mid/later stage dementia patients. Some people say they will volunteer for that,  but almost none come back after 2-3 “visits.”