Act of rage

JDancer

I need words of wisdom to help me do the right thing. My DH husband recently threw his Kindle in and act of rage and broke it. I'm so tempted not to replace it. Suffer the consequences. But I know that's not fair. I suppose I'm trying to get back at him for all the rage-before and after dementia. He has never touched me during a rage, but he has been destructive in the past.  He had gotten his emotions under control, but dementia has made him more labile. Sometimes it's hard to be nice to him.

dayn2nite2

Was the rage triggered by something on the Kindle or an inability to use it?  If so, don't replace.  And that has nothing to do with "consequences" but more to eliminating the trigger.  If the item is a source of frustration, it should be eliminated.

janeymack

I wouldn't replace it unless you don't mind having another one destroyed.

Ed1937

dayn2nite2 wrote:

Was the rage triggered by something on the Kindle or an inability to use it?  If so, don't replace.  And that has nothing to do with "consequences" but more to eliminating the trigger.  If the item is a source of frustration, it should be eliminated.

Agreed. Anything that becomes a trigger should be out of sight.

 

Rick4407

JD for your own peace of mind I would recommend you have a safe place to go with your phone if the rage returns and his anger turns toward you.   What constraints he now has may disappear as the disease progresses.   Take care, Rick

Crushed

I don't have religion but I am convinced that electronic devices are routinely inhabited by evil spirits from the dark side of the universe. 

 It's possible that destroying one now and then is a good idea Pour encourager les autres

 

  

JDancer

Such helpful, supportive responses. I expected to hear how my DH was not responsible for his action-dementia was responsible. I thought people would tell me to be more understanding and nicer.

JDancer

By the way- he threw the Kindle on the floor because it "wouldn't work," so maybe the trigger comments are right on.

M1

Agree with the others that it needs to remain gone JD.  Almost certainly related to losing facility with technology.  May be hard to transition back to books though, if that's what he was using it for.  He may not be able to read those either, unfortunately.  My partner lost all tech ability pretty early (never her forte) but she rarely reads anything now (she used to put herself to sleep with Bloomberg news and multiple various stock reports/newsletters).  All that just evaporated.

French

As the others I think that your husband certainly struggled with his kindle.

My partner often struggles with his iPad. Sometimes he can’t understand that the battery is discharged and doesn’t remember how to charge it. If he break it, I won’t replace it.

What I fear most is that when he can't turn it down, he puts it under a cushion. Either he'll break it, or the iPad will heat up and set the cushion on fire. I won’t remove it because he still spend time on it, but I am not at ease with it.

Iris L.

JDancer wrote:

By the way- he threw the Kindle on the floor because it "wouldn't work," 

The problem is not that the Kindle doesn't work, but that your DH's mind doesn't work.  Dementia makes him unable to work it or other devices.  He becomes frustrated.  This frustration won't end just by removing the Kindle.  He needs to have FAILURE-FREE activities and tasks.  Activities on his level that won't result in him becoming frustrated.  Getting back at him is not a solution.  

Iris L.

janeymack

JDancer, your post jogged my memory of how my husband's first Chromebook "stopped working". I got him a replacement and that one was "defective" and "wouldn't charge" and his email "was full". Soon after, his iphone "was full" and "stopped working" and "can't call out". He wouldn't let me throw away Chromebook #1, so both sit squirreled away in a bottom drawer in his bedroom. His iphone sits, unused. If the house was on fire he wouldn't be able to dial 911.

He was an avid reader all of his life. Once that was gone, it was magazines and tv. Then internet on Chromebook for a very short span. Now it's Youtube videos via Dish tv and the choices are whatever Youtube queues up for him to watch.

zauberflote

JD, my mom threw a few things in utter frustration, which was as close to rage as I have ever seen her my whole life. 

First week in MC, an aide reported to me that Mom threw a (paperback!) book at her head while the aide was talking with (more likely at) mom. Mom obviously wanted peace and quiet, and her words and body language weren't working, so she hove the book. Not particularly at the aide, as a 91 yr old woman who couldn't hit the broad side of a barn at 40 can't aim for squat. But the aide was in the way. The next day she was venting her deep grief and frustration at her new situation at me, her words gave out, and she threw her glasses. No casualties; I was sitting next to her. The last "throw" was tumbling her walker over in a general "away" direction, as she was not being allowed to walk down the hall. She was a fall risk, and there was only one aide to watch everybody so Mom was made to be in the common room, and didn't like the ambiance. 

So I'd say that DH is venting his frustration with life. Iris has an excellent suggestion!

White Crane

JD, as others have said, do not replace it.  You said he threw it on the floor because he couldn't get it to work.  My DH regularly gets frustrated with the TV remote because he hits a wrong button and messes up the TV.  He doesn't throw the remote but it wouldn't surprise me if he did.  I will probably have to hide the remote one of these days in order to protect it.

Ed1937

White Crane wrote:

 My DH regularly gets frustrated with the TV remote because he hits a wrong button and messes up the TV.  

My wife lost the ability to correctly use a remote early on. She kept telling me we need a new TV, but never threw the remote. Now she rarely tries to use it at all. We have a 46" Sony that is 13 plus years old, and is still excellent. 

JDancer

One thing I didn't mention, which makes me want to replace the Kindle, in spite of all the great advice not to, is my husband plays solitaire on it. Are there simpler devices that only play simple games? I want to keep him occupied.