Fair pay for family member?

Ed1937

It's possible I might have to go in for surgery, although that still is to be determined. We have a family member who might be interested in staying at out house with my wife if I need her to. We have not approached her yet, but I was wondering what you thought would be fair compensation. It will be 24 hours per day, but for how long is not known. Appreciate any thoughts.

terei

If you paid for an aide to be with your wife round the clock, bare minimum it would be $580 per day($20x24).   I would start by asking the family member what THEY think would be fair + go from there.

mrl

Hi Ed,

I paid my professional caregiver $20 an hour. I think a family member could/would do 

it for less. Try to get an idea of what they are expecting. Take care,

Michele

Joe C.

About 10 years ago my mother was 98 years old and had broken her hip. My mother was completely in control of her faculties but needed help with getting up & down and preparing meals. So when she got out of rehab we paid a family member who was out of work $10/hour 24/7 which came to $1680 a week. The family member was more there as a companion since she had VNA coming in a few times a week to help with things like bathing and her children took care of things like laundry and shopping.

JoseyWales

I pay my son about $10 an hour for the time he's alone with DH when I'm at work. But it's not 24 hours a day, and he also lives here and eats here for free. And has use of a car.
I pay a family member who comes $10 an hour, but again she's only here 4 hours at a time. I have another family member who comes and refuses any money at all.

For 24 hours, I think $200 might be fair, if your wife sleeps through the night. But I guess it would depend on your relationship with the family member. Talk it through with them!

ETA - I know there will be tons of people who think I'm being cheap at $200 for 24 hours. I would pay a regular caregiver more, but I'm thinking of the short-term family member commitment.

Crushed

Back in 1972 my then girlfriend's(DW)  mother need a "Adult baby sitter" for her father who had had a stroke.  It included meal making and chauffeuring him in his car.   But no personal care at all.  I had plenty of time to study.    She paid me 3x the minimum wage or about $20  today

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Lorita

Hi Ed,

 Why don't you talk with the family member and see if she would even want to be paid.  She'll  have room and board so that might be enough for her.  If she does want to be paid a set amount for a week would be better than per hour pay - at least talk with her and see if she's be willing to do it without pay because she is family.  I know you'd probably feel better paying her so think of an amount and suggest that if she does want to be paid.

Cynbar

I would start by considering how much care your wife will be. A patient who is incontinent, agitated, repetitive, needs assist with all ADLs will be much more difficult than a person who is still fairly independent and sleeps through the night---that difference would be reflected in caregiver pay. Somewhere between $10 and $20/hour sounds about right to me. I'd go for the higher end if your wife is heavy care, and/or the caregiver is losing any income to come stay with you. And --- this part may be controversial --- I'd consider another formula if the potential caregiver is a daughter, who generally would want to provide some help and support to you both based on your relationship and what you have done for her over the years. I wouldn't expect her to do it for nothing, but I don't know if she would expect compensation like a hired caregiver, unless it would be a real imposition on her regular life.

Ed1937

Thank you very much for the replies. We'll figure it all out if we need it. This would not be a daughter, but a grand daughter. She would definitely be paid if we need her, and she wants to do it, which I think she would. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts. Hopefully we won't even need it.

banpaeng

Where you are at makes a big difference.  Even in Texas, it varies.  See what a CNA makes around your home.  That would be a good starting point.

LadyTexan

I would start on the lower side of the range.

I would also consider (depending on your grand daughter's age and maturity) whether this is an opportunity for some work world lessons. And if so, don't miss the opportunity.

Crushed

LadyTexan wrote:

I would also consider (depending on your grand daughter's age and maturity) whether this is an opportunity for some work world lessons. And if so, don't miss the opportunity.

Let's just  hope that the lesson is not that women are paid less and family employees are easily exploited.  

for the laborer is worthy of his hire.

JoseyWales

"Let's just  hope that the lesson is not that women are paid less and family employees are easily exploited."

And that kind of comment is exactly why I usually keep my mouth shut on here.

JoseyWales

So I'm thinking here.... If I choose to pay less than $25 an hour, I'm taking advantage of people, even if they want to help me out. 

My other option is for me, the woman, to go broke by quitting my job and staying home with my husband. Because I did the math, and after paying for all the time I'm out of the home, (Including travel time to and from work and unpaid prep time work I need to do) that would be everything I make. As a teacher. With 2 master's degrees. Probably because I'm a woman. 

Of course my son works for $7.50 an hour at a grocery store (yes, that's min. wage here) and no one says the grocery store is taking advantage of HIM.

LadyTexan

Starting on the low end of the range allows for negotiating up. An important work world skill. It also allows for raises and bonuses as rewards for positive performance.

I am not interested in NOR AM I SUGGESTING paying one gender less than another. I am not interested in NOR AM I SUGGESTING exploiting anyone. I believe in paying a fair wage based on performance.

Rightly or wrongly, I assumed the potential hire had no experience in the caregiving field. Hence my thought to start on the low end of the range. Then one can reward the employee based on performance. NOT based on gender, NOT based on family relation, NOT based on longevity. Based on a job well done. 

abc123

Lady Texan, you don’t need to explain anything to us. We know you always have a good heart!

LadyTexan

Thank you abc. I appreciate your kindness.

Ed1937

Lady and Josie, I appreciate your posts. Please don't refrain from posting because someone throws a wrench into the mix. The different thoughts on this really help. Thanks to all.

mommyandme (m&m)

I care for my mother and live in her home, technically.  I pay for all the food because , let’s face it, she doesn’t eat as much as I do.  I do take some money because if a I wasn’t here 24/7 I’d have to get a job.  I receive $2500/mo, which equates to about $4.22/hr based on the time I’m here instead of respite caregivers.  

I do feel some shame in receiving this money since she’s my mother.  My brother handles all the money so she has no idea what is going on with funds...Most children do it for free I imagine. 

Before we moved mom here to my state, we paid a caregiver about $3600/mo for about the same time.  Really it was $900/week.  She lived with her 24/5. She basically worked for $7.50/hr.  

I also got my CNA license in preparation for my new role as caregiver  That was an invaluable experience although it cost me $1000. 

Hope this helps a bit.  

Joe C.

Josey wrote:

 So I'm thinking here.... If I choose to pay less than $25 an hour, I'm taking advantage of people, even if they want to help me out. 

I think you need to look at each case in perspective. In my case we paid an unemployed family member $10/hr - 24/7 or $1680 per week. My mother at 98 was probably sleeping 10+ hours a day so during those hours It was just having someone there just in case. At the time I had a good job and was well paid by my standards but I was not taking home $1680 a week. I think everyone was happy with this arrangement.

Rescue mom

I think so much depends on individual situations. Some family were almost offended at pay offers—family helps family—but would take a nice restaurant gift card,  or some other gift. Others (who did have more need) accepted some pay, I tried to match what a paid caregiver would get. Other factors include how difficult the PWD is or might be.

JJAz

There's much more to the equation than what is the 'going rate.'  For example, what you can afford to offer your granddaughter?  Are you living off social security or do you have millions in investments?  It sure makes a difference.

Crushed

I am sorry if anyone felt insulted or did not get my point. 

Care for a person with dementia is not a minimum wage job.  It demands both skill and reliability.  We make the point CONSTANTLY  that states exploit family members for cheap labor to care for people with dementia.    

The suggestion was "work world lessons"  Many work world lessons are awful.  I was not referring to any person here.  But family members are also routinely exploited.  In caretaking it is routinely female family members.

Abuse of caregivers tends to happen within the home by family members and is frequently kept private and unreported. Women (usually wives, daughters, daughters-in-law and granddaughters) most frequently assume the caregiver role and are thus more likely to be targets.

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/caregivers-can-be-abused-too-190887.htm

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/elders-abusing-their-adult-children-or-caregivers-137122.htm

60 falcon

I don't know if you're going to need to get your dw approved for Medicaid at some point and thought I'd give you something else to consider.  Our Elder Law Attorney told us a few years ago that paying someone cash to provide care (private individual, including family), if it's not done properly, can potentially result in being penalized when it comes to qualifying for Medicaid. He said it can be done but to avoid penalties there should be a well documented care plan and preferably with a professional care provider.  He also said if a family member or other private person is hired, to be sure to make sure income taxes, etc are withheld/reported it whatever.  I didn't pay much attention to this topic at the time so I don't remember specifics etc. Hopefully I'm not too far off base with what I said, but it might be something to ask your attorney about.  And your state might be different. 

I hope you don't need surgery Ed. And I hope you figure out the best way to deal with this.

Ed1937

Thanks for the heads up. Yes, our CELA did go over this with us, and I think you're right on the money with what you said.

M1

I too have my fingers crossed for you Ed....sorry you're having even to do contingency planning for this.

janeymack

For those who qualify for Medicaid, be sure to check your state regulations, especially in light of recent Covid19 funding. In Vermont, a Medicaid-qualifying applicant is able to hire a non-spouse family member (think adult child) for $13 per hour at the state's expense.