What DH can do to help caregiver in an emergency

RainbowCare

A benefit of COVID has been that my adult daughter has been able to work remotely and has been living with us since last August to help with her Dad, my DH, and also to stay away from a not-so-COVID safe roommate so doesn't accidentally transmit something to us.  She will be transitioning back to her apartment and be with us 4-5 days a week. My caregiver is having a baby, so I'm looking for more home care and considering a memory care facility.  DH's dementia is progressing but he does fairly well most days. He also has Parkinson's so that can be challenging. My question relates more to me then DR. How do you teach someone with dementia what to do if the caregiver faints, falls, etc.?  I use a check-in app and my daughter will be checking in too, but I am so worried he wouldn't know what to do, and panic. Our doors have special locks so he doesn't walk out (he's not particularly a wanderer but we had a incident last fall where he ran out of the house in a combative moment - changing meds have greatly helped this behavior) so this is a bit of a safety feature in case I'm in a different part of the house and someone comes to the door). I plan on getting a lockbox from our local fire department so they can access the house in an emergency.  Does anyone have any special phones or use a medical alert system and teach the dementia patient what to do? Other ideas? I can show him where the key is to unlock the door. Sorry for this long message.  Thanks.

abc123

Hi RainbowCare, 

It’s so nice that your daughter is able and willing to help you and your DH. Is your caregiver planning to come back after she has her baby?

It has been my experience that a PWD is not able to learn new things after a certain point. My Dad slipped on ice and hit his head recently. He is a very healthy 84 years old and is my Moms full time caregiver. Her neurologist told us she is now at stage 5. My Mom can not remember that Dad fell. Every time a nurse came to the house Mom wanted to know why. She can no longer use the remote or answer the phone. She enjoys eating but halfway through the meal she doesn’t remember what she’s eating. We have locked the spare bedrooms so she can’t wander into another part of the house and get into trouble. I hope you can come up with a solution. Please keep us posted. I wish you well.

Ed1937

Welcome to the forum. Sorry you too are dealing with this disease. We have a lot of good people here, willing to help or just giving support.

I don't think you should count on him learning anything new. If he did pick up on something, it will probably be gone tomorrow, or later today. I have hypo glycemia, and I keep a very close watch on how I eat to avoid passing out due to low blood sugar. My wife would not know how to call for help, but one of our sons is around much of the time. It's only when he's not here that I would be in trouble if something happened to me. 

We have a medical alert system, but she would never use it. Not that she refuses, just that she won't remember what to do.

Iris L.

RainbowCare wrote:

. Our doors have special locks so he doesn't walk out (he's not particularly a wanderer but we had a incident last fall where he ran out of the house in a combative moment - changing meds have greatly helped this behavior) so this is a bit of a safety feature in case I'm in a different part of the house and someone comes to the door). 

---

Double-keyed locks can be a safety hazard in case of fire.  

Iris L.

banpaeng

This has been weighing on my mind recently.  My wife could not even operate something let alone anything that she would have to answers questions.

On thing I did do is put Alexa in all rooms in the house.  If I can still talk, I can ask Alexa to call my son or police.

However if I am knocked stupid, I will be in deep doo-doo.

I will follow this thread and hope someone chimes in with suggestions.

harshedbuzz

He's likely being past the point of being an advocate if you need additional help as a caregiver.

Short term and working memory deficits will impede him being able to learn a new device. The cognitive shift around executive function skills would likely prevent him from sizing up a situation to determine if outside help was needed or where to go for that help. In some, a lack of empathy could mean that he doesn't see his role in helping. 

There was a woman here who harbored a great deal of resentment towards her mother because she had allowed her father to lie in his own filth for a couple of days after a bone break while he begged her to get help.

A medical alert system with a pendant might be your best option aside from your DD.

HB

LadyTexan

Welcome to the forum RainbowCare.

My DH is mid-stage 6. DH can no longer use the phone. DH cannot remember our address. DH does wear a Phillips Life Line Pendant. I am not sure he would remember to push the button in the event of an emergency. Bottom line, I have no suggestions. My DH is not capable of learning new things and has not been capable since much earlier in the journey.

Again, welcome. This is a very good question.

-LT

jfkoc

I need Alexa!

Rescue mom

Alexa is good, but I’ve wondered myself what would happen if I was unconscious. Even when DH could generally use a landline, he “forgot” because he was so upset when I fainted. 

As others said, I question whether your DH could learn a new gadget at this point, and even if he did when you show him and all is well, would he remember in a crisis? I have a Med Alert device, but if I’m out, I suspect I’d be in trouble. (He won’t remember I have it or what it is). The best I can think of is some kind of daily check (text? Call?) with others. I’ve been watching for others’ ideas.

Iris L.

Some of these devices are said to have a fall alert function.

This is something I have thought about a lot.  The solution is to have what I call a "look-for" friend.  This is an interested party who will telephone daily. If you don't respond in a reasonable time, that person will come look for you.  I am the look-for friend for my 89 year old neighbor.  But I don't have a look-for friend for myself.    

Iris

Lp57$

Hi RainbowCare, I am sorry you going through this, but you raised a good question.  My DH has Parkinson’s and Dementia and I am not sure what I would do. I know that he probably would not know what to do, I guess this is something I need to check into, and definitely appreciate everyone advice.

harshedbuzz

I feel like this is a situation where you take the PWD out of the equation and make the choice as if you were living alone. 

If you are at risk of fainting or some condition that would render you unable to communicate with a medic-alert pendent, perhaps an Apple Watch would be the answer. If it detects a fall, it will reach out to you to check if you're OK. If you can't answer, it will send help. You can even shower in it. 

HB

ElaineD

I started using a life-alert type device about 5 years ago.  I'm severely disabled, liable to fall, and was sometimes alone in the house when my DH was out for some reason.  After research I chose Great Call as the provider.

When I understood that the Apple Watch has a built in alert system, AND Fall detection, I bought one.  I can even wear it in the pool.  I can also answer my phone on the watch, as it is synched with my iPhone.  I've even answered my phone while in the pool (It rings on my Apple Watch as well as on my iPhone).   Yes, it seems like 'magic' in some ways!

All that said, I haven't used my alert system once in the past 6 years.   I've been very lucky.

Where I live we also have a system that has a blinking light every morning, in the bathroom.  We must turn off the light before 10 am.  If we forget, we will get a call, and if we don't answer the call, someone will come to our door.  

There are also 'pull cords' in the bedroom and bathroom, to be used in an emergency.   But if you live alone, and fall out of reach of the cords, you will wait a LONG time before help arrives if you don't have a life alert.  

The beauty of the Apple Watch is that it has many other functions and tells the time.

Elaine

RainbowCare

Thanks for your reply.  I actually was thinking of getting a medical alert system for me that has a fall detection feature but I hear they can be problematic.  Of course, I am worried about myself if something happened and couldn't get help, but as a caregiver, and being a big worrier, I worry even more about him and how he'd react and couldn't get out of the house or call someone.

RainbowCare

Thank you for your message. This illness is so hard for everyone. I will keep everyone posted on what I learn.  I do like the Snug Safely app as I do have to check in with them in the morning and they are expanding to multiple check ins a day.  Good luck to you.

RainbowCare

Excellent point.  It's not a double key but you do need a key to open the door.  I may just try to leave the key in the lock in our lower level exit so there is an emergency exit.  Plus there is the patio door.  Thanks.

RainbowCare

Thank you for your reply.  I think you're right.  A medical alert system may be the best. And, I plan to call my local fire/medical department to see what they offer.

RainbowCare

Thank you for replying.  I appreciate your feedback and understand your situation.  I think the caregiver is the person that needs a medical alert system. I mentioned in another reply that many have fall features attributed to their pendants that will call you and if you don't reply call the local paramedic.  I think that may be best for us both.  Regards,

RainbowCare

Boy, we're all in such a predicament.  As free or low cost alternative I use SnugSafe app.  https://www.snugsafe.com. You do a daily checkin and if you don't respond they call your 3 emergency contacts, and if necessary a dispatcher will call emergency help.  That costs $10 per month.  There are other services like that I've seen but chose Snug Safely to start.  I think once my daughter is gone to her apartment on a more permanent basis I may also look into a medical alert system for my self.  This is the other service I read about.  https://dailycall.iamfine.com/?

Good luck to you.

RainbowCare

I have Alexa and it's great for all kinds of reminders including my husband's medicine reminders.  I just discovered you can add an emergency contact and tell Alexa to call that person.  Here's the instructions.  https://www.amazon.com/gp/help/customer/display.html?nodeId=G6WYZPF5XKHNBZKA

RainbowCare

Thank you Elaine for sharing your experiences.  My husband had an Apple Watch he used when I was away, and before he needed a caregiver, but something is wrong with it.  Sounds like you've had really good luck with it so I think I may go to the Apple Store and get it checked  out.  Good luck and best wishes.