Caricatures

French

I've noticed for some time that my partner has been making some pretty direct descriptions about people. At first when he was talking to me, now he's starting to say such things to everyone else.

Yesterday, a friend tells him about another friend. He replies "she's nice but she's ugly"... plus it's not true, she's quite pretty.

Yesterday, as a friend tells me that she greeted him in the street where he was with his help, I ask him who he saw.   He answered "the fat one". She is not skinny, but she is far from being fat. I knew directly who it was because each time he sees her, he tells me she is fatter... what is not true.

Tonight, on the phone with his father, he talks about his son's girlfriend, several times because he doesn't remember that he has already talked about her : "she is ugly", "she is fat", "she doesn't have light on all the floors" (that's his expression for idiot), "she has clothes all torn" (just a pair of tights, once)...

Phew, my kids are "nice" and "cool". For me it’s « she works all the time and She is very tired »

Apart from that, everything is fine and he explains that he will stop to go to the speech therapist because he has progressed a lot and doesn’t need anymore, that he helps his children to  get a better job, that he has helped one the winner of the sailing race « Vendée globe » to rout...

So strange this parallel world he is building. I understand now why he is better when he his with other people. To me he can’t tell such things.

ElaineD

Dear French,

Your husband is exhibiting 'lack of social filter'.  This means that he does not filter out his rude remarks, the things he is thinking, when he is in public.  He just says what he is thinking!

I don't think there is anything you can do about this.  Perhaps forum members will have ideas for you.

Elaine

Cynbar

My DH went through a phase like this, and it was very difficult. His social filter was just gone, and he was also very focused on people's appearances. It became a big problem in restaurants where he would talk about the waiters and other diners, in earshot of everyone.  I never really found a way of curtailing it, reasoning with him was useless, he didn't understand he was doing anything wrong. Thankfully, it did pass, largely because he is more inner-focused now.

Lorita

I love the one about "she doesn't have light on all the floors".  Never heard that before.  It is probably just a phase.  If you don't pay any attention to what he says, he might stop - just a thought.

Potsie

My DH went through that phase of no social filter. This started before his diagnosis. When my mother was on her death bed and my siblings were all around her he lifted up the sheet and pointed at my Mom's feet and said, "look how ugly." My siblings were so angry with him. One of my sisters said, "if he says one more thing I am going to ask him to leave." I would talk to him about it but it didn't do any good.  It's difficult in the moment. This did pass also. Now he cannot speak at all.

piozam13

DH used to do this as well.  He'd even asked me to guess - 'what do you think - at least 300 or 350  lbs'.  It didn't matter - male or female.  He wasn't loud and couldn't be heard - it didn't bother me.

He's got nice things to say about people he liked, 'she's got  sweet smile' he would tell me when he saw our neighbor or ' I love what you're wearing', his way of complimenting some women he liked.

It didn't occur to me as problems - I was glad he could express himself.

French

@Lorita, yes, my partner has a lot of funny expressions when he thinks he has discovered a secret he says « There is a whale under the gravel » and now he can say that several times in an hour if he noticed that people laugh.

I can understand the lack of filter, just earring him yawning loudly all along the day. But what I find strange is that he exaggerates everything. Nice women becomes ugly, fat... he caricatures them.

Otherwise, like piozam , it doesn't really bother me, for the moment he only makes these remarks to people he knows well and if he does it publicly I am sure I will find a way to turn it in a joke and he will jump in the play. He is still good at that. On Tuesday at the daycare he is the only man. When I discussed that with the director of the daycare he added «  you understand now, why I am so tired on Tuesday ». At 51, he is the young rooster in the barnyard and it seems that he appreciates this role as much as the ladies. He is joking the whole day. Sometimes his jokes are a bit audacious. I would like to be a mouse and see how they react. 

Iris L.

French wrote:

I would like to be a mouse and see how they react. 

French, this is like our expression, "being a fly on the wall." 

Iris