Elder care attorneys

Pam BH

Does anyone have experience with elder law attorneys in Virginia, specifically the Hampton Roads area in southeastern Virginia?  I found only one online, a pretty big firm that advertises for elder law that’s about 40 miles away.  Any suggestions on what questions I should ask or expect to be asked and documents to collect ahead of time?  Not sure how I’ll even meet with an attorney since DH is shadowing me 24/7, going with me every time I get out and monitoring all phone calls, texts, and computer use.   Thanks to this wonderful forum and all the amazing people here, I’m realizing I’m following a predictable course of originally thinking I can do all the caregiving alone without a hitch but now realizing what an impossible task that’s going to be. 

amicrazytoo

Welcome to the forum, sorry you need to be here. But this a great place for info and support.

 There are several folks on this forum that will provide you with answers you seek. I will share my experience. When DH was first diagnosed (Jan. 2018) we made an appointment with an Elder Care Attorney. He accompanied me for the first visit and we agreed to move forward with the suggested paperwork. Cost $6000.00, I paid a $2000.00 deposit, made a second appointment to get the first parts signed. DH refused to go, claimed I was trying put him away in a crazy house. I went, received the paperwork and met with the attorney for perhaps a half hour as he instructed me what my husband needed to sign and where. I would try to get it signed. To this day, I have not been able to convince DH that I'm am only looking out for whats' best for both of us. Trying to preserve our finances. DH says I'm doing it for my own benefit. This is the cruelest disease, we've been together for forty years. If only he knew how hard it is for me to see all his memories fade, yet I still hold onto them.

I wish you the best.

Crushed

Here is the website for Virginia elder law attorneys.  input a zip code not a city

 

https://www.naela.org//Web/Members_Tab/Chapter_Custom_FAL/VA_FAL.aspx

M1

Hi Pam. Reading your profile, it sounds like your husband is fairly advanced, if he is delusional and paranoid. I wonder if he is past the point of being able to sign documents, can his doctors assist you with letters about his in/competency? You may need to get those before you meet with an attorney. You didn't mention whether he is on any medications for the delusions or paranoia (just thinking about what may make life easier for both of you).

I recently had to change my own documents when my partner could no longer serve as my executor/POA, and I did this with an elder care attorney without her knowledge.  But I didn't have to sneak out, just said I was going to town for another reason. You may have to come up with a good excuse to meet with an attorney privately-?maybe say you are going for a hair or gyn appointment? Not many men accompany their wives for those-or perhaps there is a family member or friend who could take him on an outing? This is definitely not easy. Good luck to you.

jfkoc

I took a look at my area...not one of the attorneys listed was one of the ones who advertise as "Elder Care" attorneys. It pays to check!

Crushed

The term is elder law.  Most use the description Estates and Trusts

aod326

Hi. When I met with an elder care attorney my DH came with me, because I had no option. I told him we were going because I was concerned in general, in case something happened to me.

I talked to the attorney before our meeting so she had some info.  I was fortunate because I was working (from home, last year) and told DH I was on a work call.  As she only deals with elder care law, the attorney was well versed in "subterfuge" tactics! Once you get to the attorney's office, they may even be able to find a reason to talk in separate rooms. Keep putting it back on you though, so he doesn't think you're talking about him. For example "I wonder why they want to talk to me on my own - maybe it's new procedure."

Good luck.

Ed1937

I don't want the cost described by amicrazytoo to scare you. My wife and I went on the first visit, and I went with our daughter for the others. I did not pay anything in advance. When the first meeting was ending, he told us what the cost would be for everything. He made extensive changes to our trusts, protected everything the law allows, made POAs, educated us on how  Medicaid works, and more. Total cost was just over $1,000.00. The first visit was free of charge, and we had to option to use his services or go elsewhere. First visit lasted a little over an hour. But if we wanted him to handle the Medicaid application from start to finish, it would have been another $6,000.00. You should probably talk to more than one CELA because the cost can vary greatly from one attorney to another for the same amount of work.

Like others, I wonder if your husband is able to sign the documents needed. Maybe this should have been done earlier.

And you are right about needing help. Take every bit of help you can get. Don't refuse any if offered.

Pam BH

Thanks, Crushed, for the link. Exactly what I was looking for. Found 3 to check out and will be contacting them soon.

Pam BH

M1 wrote:

Hi Pam. Reading your profile, it sounds like your husband is fairly advanced, if he is delusional and paranoid. I wonder if he is past the point of being able to sign documents....You didn't mention whether he is on any medications for the delusions or paranoia....

M1, besides short term memory problems he's lucid when  not having delusions and paranoia, so that shouldn't be a problem. Although he's becoming more frail and has angina, his physical health has improved the last few months. He's been on memantine for about 6 weeks. That seems to decrease the frequency of the infidelity accusations but they're still happening.

jfkoc

crushed...thanks...