Dementia speed

RanchersWife

Small rant.

Half of my life is caring for 4 sons at home and a husband...full speed ahead!  Busy, exciting, loud, crazy, happy. The other half is dementia speed. Whispers, shuffling steps, coins in shoes, guilt. The adjustment between these two houses has to happen in the time it takes to walk 100 feet. I have to calm down and lose my command voice. Then when I go back home after cleaning up  poop disaster minutes after giving a shower I have to save the pity party for when I’m alone or in my husband’s arms. 

I don’t always succeed. 

abc123

Dear RW, I’m sorry for all that you go through.

RanchersWife

ABC,

I’m sorry for everything we all go through. And so often it’s easy to forget that our lives ones are are suffering the most.

Arrowhead

As caregivers, we all have similar experiences even though our circumstances are different. I retired at 64 to be my wife’s only caregiver. Even though I have to do everything for her, she is not yet too difficult to deal with. The day will probably come when she will be and I won’t have anyone to turn to for solace. I’m happy for you that you have your husband to fall back on.  

sandwichone123

Wow, that's close! I was lamenting missing my commute the other day. I think commute provides a valuable buffer. Is there a way you could install a bench between the two houses, perhaps with a wind chime or other soothing feature that might provide a little space between the two?

RanchersWife

Arrowhead, 

Losing a spouse to this disease has to be incredibly hard. I’m sorry. 

I pray my husband dies like his father did...after a good day’s work fixing fences with a grandchild. But we don’t get to choose.

RanchersWife

Diane, that’s an interesting thought. I could make some sort of physical reminder to adjust. A bit of a timeout place instead of throwing myself between these two houses all day like a ping pong....

Lillies

You're entitled to a small rant anytime! I have done that exact same thing, between two homes. Think of it this way, at least you still have the walk between the two, each day is harder than hell, but you have it. I know this isn't the greatest way to see it, but it's true. I stare at my dad's empty house now, but I'm glad he isn't suffering. Ideas for you to consider, which I found way too late....read a story together (yea back to the oldies, children's stories), put a shower chair big enough for two (wear your bathing suit and relax together), when you finally do have a break to yourself --don't feel guilty.  Remember that you are loved!!

smbren

A bench is a good idea.  Or a chair on a deck or patio. Another option, a short walk down the street.  Exercise is always good.

I bounce between 2 houses as well.  My distance is 2.4 miles.  In the summer time, if time allows I will do it on the bicycle as it helps clear my head a bit.  But this year, things are ramping up and getting more difficult, so I'm not sure how often that will be happening. 

But on the way back to my house, so I can decompress, I will often stop and park at the firehouse or at the school for a few minutes.  It just allows me to decompress before I walk in my home as I don't want to take my frustration out on my wife.   

RanchersWife

Thank you Lillies and Sembren,

I’m a member of the Sandwich Generation...Caring for elderly parents and raising children (5 boys) at the same time. My LO is my mother in law. 

I’m glad we have two houses but I feel that arrangement will need to change soon. Then there won’t be breaks or transitions because she will be with us all the time.