Marital status changes

Arrowhead

There are times when my wife (stage 5) knows that I am her husband, most of the time she doesn't. Sometimes she believes me when I tell her we that are married to each other, sometimes she doesn't. At times she thinks that she has never been married. Lately, she sometimes thinks she is married; just not to me. 

I'm not looking for advice or comfort; just sharing one of her symptoms. 

Lp57$

Hi Arrowhead!  My DH does the same thing. He will ask me who I am and when I tell him he say you can’t be my wife I have never married. I just oh ok my mistake..  sometimes we laugh about it and then sometimes he is just trying to figure it out.  Thanks for sharing.

Cynbar

Same thing in my house. Sometimes my DH knows who I am and what our relationship is, other times he doesn't have a clue who I am. I had a haridresser/barber come to the house last week to give him a haircut. He kept insisting that I was his sister Florence and asking when I was coming back. The poor woman was somewhat thrown by this, kept cutting faster and faster. Net result, he got a very nice but shorter than expected cut. I'm used to it at this point but forget that other people are not.

easy23

My husband thinks I'm his deceased mother and calls me (his wife) on the cell phone to find out where I am. i just talk to him on the phone and tell him I'll be home soon. That keeps him calm.  He also picks up our wedding picture and asks me where his wife is.

RanchersWife

Today my LO showed me a picture of her deceased husband and asked me who it was. I told her it was Grandpa and she just shrugged her shoulders at me. I didn’t cry in front of her. 

Wasn’t it member Rosie who used to call us “keepers of their memories”? 

chrisp1653

Up until the week before her passing, my Barbara always knew I was her husband, but sometimes didn't remember my name. She also would tell me she loved me - every night !

Now, of course, my marital status is truly changed, from married to widowed, and I can't say as I like it very much this way.

Jeff86

Luckily, I seem to always (well, almost) be positively perceived, but it’s pretty fluid whether I am my DW’s husband...or not.  I have learned—have had to learn—that as long as I am perceived as a supportive, helpful person in my DW’s life, that is good enough.  The heartbreak is mine, and I don’t let her know it.

Ipodd

my DW would looked amusedly at me when I would tell her I'm your husband we've been married 40 years. At the end i'm not sure who she thought I was but she allowed me to bath her ill always remember the amused who do you think your fooling looks.

JoseyWales

DH started asking me about a year ago if we were married, but I think he was just looking to be reassured that he was right. Over the last 2 weeks the question has changed to, "Are you married?" 

And just yesterday he proposed. He was serious. 
I accepted.

aod326

Gosh Josey, one of those really bittersweet moments. How lovely that even if he doesn't know that you ARE married, he knows he WANTS to be married to you!

M1

Here's another take on this- I am divorced and had a rocky post divorce relationship with my ex, having to go to court three times over child support between 1994 and 2012. My current partner was there for all of it and very resentful of what I went through. Now she asks me if I was ever married before we met (even though she remembers my kids ,so far).  It's such nasty history that I just tell her no or redirect, it's not worth revisiting. She doesn't remember how we met though either.

Doityourselfer

My husband has no clue if he's married and I mainly consider myself as his caregiver, not a wife.

ButterflyWings

Hi Arrowhead,

Same here. All throughout the day, my role changes in my DH's mind. I just try to keep up, and am glad he likes me (most of the time).

I am sometimes "Wife" (when he can't retrieve my actual name), his cousin, his daughter, the lady who was here a minute ago, etc., etc. In recent months he's also thought I was a guy. Long hair and curves, notwithstanding. It is perplexing and also makes me sad. But I'm getting used to it now. 

Our new problem is increasing urinary incontinence and he won't take my advice or help of course. One excuse is, "I don't undress in front of anyone but my wife. She's not here. You're not her so get out of 'my' room." Despite standing in a puddle of pee, wet smelly pajama pants, having removed his depends and placed them on the radiator 'to dry out' while I was cooking breakfast. (Depends. Another topic for a different post).

Last month he even tried to throw me out of the house once, saying he didn't need a cleaning lady and he didn't' know who sent me but whatever I was trying to pull wasn't going to work. I just refused to go and kept a low profile in a different room for a few hours until more seroquel kicked in. But, geez. Super hard. And totally unpredictable.

ButterflyWings

...and it just occurred to me...

I guess we're even, because I don't know who the heck he is anymore, either. Kind of looks like the guy I married, but that's as far as it goes.

jana maria

My husband is in memory care. When I went to visit, in person, he, as usual, didn't know who I was. But at one point he looked at me and asked, "where have you been?'. Maybe he's still in there somewhere. 

My husband just became too much for me to handle at home. He was uncooperative and being a large man i thought it was time to send him to a place that was better equipped to handle his needs. It still takes two people to change him since he gets aggressive. One person distracts him and the other gets the job done. 

He is happy there. And I am finally able to have some peace.