I thought it would be fun, but it was not..whats wrong with me?

LadyTexan

Its rainy today. I thought it would be fun to take a look of some of the fancy hats that were worn at the Kentucky Derby, so I Googled it. The hats were amazing, some fancy, some classic, some funny, some very intricate. The gentlemen at the Derby wore outlandish suits. There were several pictures of couples that coordinated the lady hats with the festive gentlemen suits. Suddenly, I was sad.

I have never been to the Derby. I never wanted to go. I have no desire to go in the future. For some reason, seeing the couples that coordinated the lady hats with the gentlemen suits made me feel jealous and deficient. What is wrong with me?

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Cynbar

I often get a pang when I see couples together, having fun or even just spending time. It hit me in the grocery store this morning, I was watching a middle aged couple looking over the vegetables, they were just so comfortable and companionable. My DH and I used to do so much together, it's gut wrenching to remember those times will never happen again. Have I accepted it? Some days are better than others.

Ed1937

There is nothing wrong with you. When caregivers see others in a festive setting, it's perfectly normal for them to feel like they've been treated unfairly.

Crushed

Couples are one thing.  Fancy outfit another.  (we even have a local long married biker couple whose tattooed backs make an ensemble.

Yes I hurt when I see happy older couples.  I do try to be extra nice to the other spouses of patients in the same memory care.   They all hurt

 

Crushed

Victoria2020 wrote:

 twinsie set  

always a good day when I learn anew term

 

 

ButterflyWings

Oh, Lady T, nothing wrong with you or me in this regard. 

I too often feel the heavy heart, low spirits, and sudden sadness that grabbed you. Seems like almost anything can trigger it... an image, a song, seeing a couple (of any age), or even a random thought or sighting of a location or an activity that the former "us" either did, or would have enjoyed. When it catches us off guard like that, I literally have to catch my breath again, and sometimes can't help but get misty-eyed.

My heart rests on shifting sands these days. One minute I'm coping pretty well, all things considered. The next, Poof! There goes my peace of mind. Joy? I don't even expect that anymore, really. Not until after AD, if I am able to survive my DH's disease. Though there are still fleeting moments of  joy in the small things you always encourage us to notice and be grateful for.

I think we would not be normal if we did not occasionally see our missed "partnership, marriage, unity" when faced with other images of togetherness and couple-hood. Interestingly, I don't feel jealousy in those moments. Just intense clarity that those days are over and done for us. I can still feel happy for those who seem to have what dementia has stolen from me and my love, but yes, I too truly do feel the loss deeply, as you shared. It really hurts. I'm sorry your fun virtual outing had an unexpected sharp edge. Another unfair surprise of this journey we are on. I hope your day gets better.

JJAz

It's grief.  It oozes out at the most unexpected times.