I need some space(1)

Yorklady53

Sorry in advance for this vent but I’m about to lose my mind. 

After DH’s diagnosis of AD and needing 24/7 supervision I am having a difficult time getting used to him following me everywhere I go in the house. He follows so closely that if I suddenly stop he plows right into me. If I am making his breakfast he is right at my elbow. It is constant and I am beyond frustrated. 

Do any of you have a LO that does the same? Is this a behavior that will go away? How do you handle the constant infringement on your own personal space? I feel guilty for feeling this way but it is making me feel anxiety ridden and I don’t know how to handle the frustration.

M1

Hi Yorklady, it's called shadowing and yes, it's a common behavior, my partner does it too.  Look under "solutions" up at the top, or you can google it also.  There are other threads on this topic.

lovebonita

Yes, my Mom does this and its increasingly intense all the time.  We moved in with her last summer and it started around six months later.  I am glad to hear it called something so now I can research it too and see if I can do anything to help reassure her enough to allow me to throw a load in the washer without her needing to be right next to me or sweep without "help".  

She paces outside the door when I am in the bathroom, if I stand up at any time in any room she immediately stands up or tries to stand up and if I go into a room and lock the door she keeps trying the knob.  I do have a caretaker taking care of her about 25-30 hours a week, as much as she can afford. She also goes to a day program two days a week, I live for those days.  Usually she does ok when she has the caretaker with her or is at the daycare but sometimes she cries or gets anxious when I leave.  

I have her on the waiting list at a facility and I worry a lot about how she will adjust, I know she is very attached and reliant on me but I am so tired, it's a tremendous amount of pressure and stress to experience every day without much relief.  I feel like I am tethered to her in a way that just is too hard to sustain. I feel for you all.

Jane Smith

I don’t know if or when the behavior will change, but yes, it’s part of the dementia. It’s often called “shadowing.”  And it’s really hard to deal with.

If you have not yet read it, I can recommend Understanding the Dementia Experience by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller. You can get it from Amazon or read it here for free:  http://www.dementiacarestrategies.com/12_pt_Understanding_the_Dementia_Experience.pdf The boards here are great but also consider joining a support group. They are mostly virtual because of Covid which means you can literally join a group anywhere from Hawaii to Iowa to Maine. Call the Alzheimer’s 24/7 number and they can help you find a group that works for you. 1-800-272-3900. My support groups have been a real lifesaver.

towhee

For validation that this isn't just your loved one search Youtube for "Teepa Snow Common Issues in Dementia" starting at 3minutes 10 seconds in. For more explanation and strategies that might help search youtube for "What is Shadowing" by alzheimers support network. Hope these are helpful.

Arrowhead

Instead if following me, my wife walks in front of me, then stops to see if I'm following. She walks slower than I do which makes it even worse.