30 day placement

2 Young

My heart is breaking as he lays beside me in our bed sleeping for what could be the last time. Tomorrow I’m taking DH to a facility for a thirty day stay. It’s a necessary step in the event that he would eventually need to go on Medicaid, to establish a financial snapshot for division of assets. I also have been pushed to the limit mentally and emotionally and need a break. But it could potentially be permanent if he adjusts to the new environment with some degree of acceptance. He has no idea what awaits us tomorrow. He went to sleep quickly and peacefully tonight. It seems so cruel to take him away from his home after 40 years.

M1

Definitely hard. Maybe harder on you than him though.  Good luck, and keep us posted. You do need this....

2 Young

Thank you M1. That’s comforting.

Potsie

2 Young,

I'm sorry for you and your husband. It is so hard to place them in a facility. I felt so bad for so long after placing DH in a facility. He didn't deserve it but he wasn't safe at home. I didn't deserve it either. I was a wreck and having increasing health issues. He did adjust and is very content. It is so easy to see my DH everyday now and just love him. I hope you get some badly needed rest. I also hope he adjusts quickly. I did not have a support group when I had to place him. I think it would have been comforting to be able to share with others and have the support. Continue to reach out for support. Hugs to you.

2 Young

Thank you, Potsie. I’m so glad to hear that it’s gotten easier on both of you. No one deserves the anguish this disease brings. You’ve given me hope for things to get better. Hugs.

Joe C.

2Young, I know this is going to be a difficult day for you and your husband and my thoughts will be with you. I know this day is somewhere in my future and I dread having to make this move. I hope everything goes as well as can be expected. Stay strong, you can get through this.

LadyTexan

I am so sorry 2 Young. May the Lord give both you and your DH comfort. May He give you strength. God bless you.

Crushed

Been there, done that 
Got the tears, the ache, the guilt , the relief ,  the years alone.
 It hurts no matter what you do.

hang in there

Crushed

It’s a necessary step in the event that he would eventually need to go on Medicaid, to establish a financial snapshot for division of assets

This sentence bothered me. There is no"division" of assets in Medicaid  
  The community spouse gets specific amounts  did the facility tell you this?  
 what state do you live in  ?  the rules are different by state
 

https://www.medicaidplanningassistance.org/medicaid-snapshot-date/

 

https://www.medicaidplanningassistance.org/community-spouse-resource-allowance/

Someone may  confusing a different 30 day provision

Generally, the applicant spouse’s first day of institutionalization (with a minimum of a 30-day stay), or the date he / she qualifies for a Medicaid waiver, is referred to as the “snap shot” day. On this day, all countable assets are added up, regardless of whose name is on the resources, as they are all considered jointly owned. The calculated figure is then divided by two, with half of the assets considered owned by the applicant and the other half owned by the community spouse. The community spouse can retain half of the assets up to the maximum resource standard, which as of 2021, is $130,380 for the majority of the states. The minimum resource allowance is intended to protect those couples that have very limited resources. As mentioned previously, this figure is $26,076 in 2021. The community spouse is entitled to keep up to $26,076 of the couples’ assets even if the amount is greater than 50% of the total assets.  In some states, called 100% states, community spouses are entitled to 100% of the couple’s assets up to the maximum resource allowance for their state.

 
Crushed note.

Because there is a maximum for the community spouse establishing a premature snapshot date can be a disaster  This is a very very very tricky point. I am not an expert in this area . If you have a good elder care layer advising you no problem .

Ed1937

2 young, I'm sorry it's so hard. There is a possibility that I might need surgery, which will put me out of the picture for some time if I need it. One of our daughters and I considered all the pros and cons of a nursing home if I should need the surgery. My mind was put at ease when our kids came together, and said they would take care of their mother in our home if we needed them. I know how fortunate I am, and I wish the rest of you had the support we do. There's no way for the decision to be easy.

2 Young

Joe, LadyTexan, Crushed and Ed, thank you for your kind words. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the support and encouragement I receive on this forum is invaluable to me. I never would have thought it would be such a source of comfort and strength.

2 Young

Crushed, I live in Missouri and have an excellent elder care attorney that I began working with a year ago to get all my ducks in a row. Division of assets was my term, not hers. The facility has not told me anything in regards to this.

Tucsonbirder

Dear 2 Young:  I know exactly how you are feeling. I just went through this as of April 1, but the placement was not just for 30 days.  My DH knew where we were going, and he didn't want to go, but he had always said he "would not make a fuss" when I said I'd had enough.  He was good to his word, but he was very sad.  However, when we got there (and I had earlier set up his beautiful room with his favorite furniture, photos, etc), he liked the room and liked the place.  He didn't object when I left.  It hasn't been all smooth sailing, however, and he does ask to come home, and it is heartbreaking.  Other days, he says he understands why he is there and it is OK.  Like you, though, I had to remind myself that I didn't deserve, either, the unrelenting stress of living together with his decline.  I had to act on self-preservation, knowing that was the only way to still be able to be his advocate and care for him, albeit differently.  I still struggle with this, but he is gradually settling in.  He may always ask to come home, but I see that he also has his days of contentment.  Best of luck to you in this transition.

jfkoc

Hope today goes well....please let us know how you are.

aod326

2Young, I hope today was easier than you were dreading. I remember exactly the same feeling, laying next to DH knowing that it was the last time I'd be snuggling up to him, and feeling awful that I knew but he didn't.

I was very upset after I left him at MC the following day, but he didn't mind me leaving at all.  (It reminded me of the story my mum always told me of taking me to my first day at school, age 5: apparently I walked straight in, without looking back. It was a good experience for me, but sad for her.) Although he had his challenges the first few weeks in MC, his behavior wasn't any different than it was at home.

Very best of luck - you know you have support and understanding here.