Secondary MPOA

Wyoaviator

First things first-THANK YOU to all who are on this board. It is a critical resource for people dealing with dementia.

Now, here is my question. I realize it will probably require the service of a lawyer, but I trust the people on this board to shoot straight.

My wife has been in MC since December of 2020. The facility is excellent. I have actually slept through the night a few times since she has been there.I spent most of 2020 shuttling between Dr.'s offices, ALF, geri-psych ward etc. I am her MPOA and her FPOA. Our niece who live in town is the secondary MPOA.

I am not going to let this disease steal any more of my life than it already has. I am going on a trip in November to the other side of the world. I have informed the niece that she will need to be "in charge" of DW's health care while I am gone. I doubt she will have to do anything, but when we moved DW to AL a year ago, the nieces first words were "I don't want to do that!"

What if the niece refuses and decides to resign as secondary MPOA?

Sticky wicket I know. That is why I ask you people.

[Deleted User]

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King Boo

I think your phrasing scared her.  She doesn't want to be in charge of life and death decisions while you are still the MPOA.  I mean, suppose she makes a call and you disagree?  Stickey wicket for HER.

Rephrase things as :  I will be traveling and there may be some in person things that could come up like notification of a fall, emergency hospital visit, etc.  I'll make sure the facility has your contact info, but of course, I will be available to consult with and make decisions together.  I just can't be there in person in the unlikely event of an emergency.

Way different than : it's all on you!

King Boo

I think your phrasing scared her.  She doesn't want to be in charge of life and death decisions while you are still the MPOA.  I mean, suppose she makes a call and you disagree?  Stickey wicket for HER.

Rephrase things as :  I will be traveling and there may be some in person things that could come up like notification of a fall, emergency hospital visit, etc.  I'll make sure the facility has your contact info, but of course, I will be available to consult with and make decisions together.  I just can't be there in person in the unlikely event of an emergency.

Way different than : it's all on you!

Cynbar

Also, are all the advance care directives in place for your wife? Has the MPOA been activated or invoked? You probably have filled out a form that we call a MOLST here in Massachusetts, which gives a lot of direction (resuscitate or not, hospitalize or not, intubate or not, and so on.) This will give a lot of direction to your niece if any decision making is needed . It is more comprehensive than the DNR (do not resuscitate) order that many people with terminal illnesses have. Plus, you'll be available for consultation, most of the time anyway. I would discuss the above with your niece and also any other instructions you mat want to give her, and see if she is more comfortable. If not, you would have to talk to an attorney about how to appoint someone else since she is no longer competent to make that decision.