Mother's Day(4)

Maggie092

Hi,

I know it has been a while since I last came to this message board, but school and work have been hectic and sort of keeping me busy. I just wanted to, kind of vent, on how this year will be so difficult for me to see my Mom, who has early-onset Alzheimer's, 70 years young, and is in a nursing home since Nov. 2019, pre-pandemic. Now, I'm thankful both my Mom and I are vaccinated, but it is still a challenge on having to see my Mom in person; by phone, it is a lot harder now with her speech and vocabulary, not what it used to be, very small and harder for her to speak this way (she loved talking nonstop on phone before diagnosis). Last time I've seen her in person was around Sept. 2020, when we all are still wearing masks, and I couldn't contain my emotions and was getting teary-eyed in front of her (I was then informed that I couldn't cry like that for it will upset her and elevate her blood pressure, for she was like a non-emotion person, drugged out to maintain her calmness/stress). I haven't seen her since because I do not trust myself being there alone with her, and I trust going with either a relative or her best friend that has been able to see her often. Not only is this month of May Mother's day but also in a few weeks will be her birthday as well, so those events are harder for me to be able to contain my emotions not having my Mom with me or to even celebrate with her without breaking down crying not knowing if I can be able to hug her or be close to her again because of the nursing home, despite being vaccinated. I think that I'm just keeping myself busy so I don't have to worry about dealing with the fact that I don't have my Mom, mentally, but I'm hoping that there will be some sort of way to slow down this illness, and I'll volunteer myself to be a guinea pig on these clinical trials (*I'm too young, but still a good sport in wanting to do it*). Anyway, I'm just grateful that I know that I'm not really alone when it comes to dealing with this illness, and for all those mothers out there that are, like me, an adult child of a loved one with Alzheimer's/dementia: Happy Mother's Day & #endALZ.

Deanna_M

Maggie, this disease is heart wrenching and I am sorry that you have not been able to see your dear mother in person. The pandemic has made it so much worse, such that we cannot offer affection to those we love the most. While I don't post here often, I check in regularly so I don't feel so alone in my grief (and all the other emotions that go along with this horrid disease). I will be thinking of you.