Reality check(1)

Quilting brings calm

My Dad( 81) started the day at the doctors office ended up overnight in the hospital, currently still there . He has not been diagnosed with dementia, but does have physical issues and cancer.   My Mom(82), currently diagnosed with mild dementia, was in the apartment at the assisted living center overnight by herself. Center is staffed at night of course. She called me every half hour while we were in the ER and then waiting for a room.  That was expected.  I also expected she would be fine in the apartment. 

She knows my birthday is in November.  She called today to wish me a happy birthday.  This was a new  symptom.  Then she told me that she got up in the night several times to look for Dad in apartment. Forgot he was in hospital. This was also a new symptom.  

I had hoped she would be able to stay at the ASL if my Dad wasn’t there due to leaving, nursing home, or death. She’s been at a stage 4. Only the leaving is a real expectation at this point. After this morning I don’t think she will be able to stay at this level of care without him. 

harshedbuzz

Quilting-

I am sorry. It sounds as if this is your wakeup call. Sounds like it's time to have Plan B ready for implementation.

When my mom had her last hospitalization, I was gobsmacked at how poorly he functioned without her providing the scaffolding for day to day life.

You'll be in my thoughts.

HB.

Quilting brings calm

HB

Thank you.  It’s a little hard to come up with a Plan B until Dad is actually out of the picture or truly incapacitated since Dad is too paranoid to give me a POA. And he has still not given me access to the money he moved out of their joint account 18 months ago. Luckily I am on the joint account and Mom was well enough a couple months after that  ( as opposed to now) to get me on an account they still had here. He no longer has access to that local money per Moms’ wishes. She was worried he’d leave her penniless well before it would be time to apply for Medicaid and Time for a nursing home. He still gets annoyed when he’s asked to sign a check out of ‘his’ account for a bill or groceries.   He seriously thinks he’s going to travel from Illinois back to Alabama to see the hearing aid doctor he had there  to get new hearing aids and to get ‘his’ money out of the bank there.  Yes, I know he could just open an account here and write a check on the other account and ‘wa-la’ the money would magically be here. He doesn’t.  I still have to show him where to sign the checks I put in front of him to sign out of his account.   I really don’t want the money up here because he will have easier access to it and then will just hide or spend it.  He doesn’t have dementia ( doctors don’t seem to think he does anyway), he’s just stubborn, paranoid and not very bright.  

He is still in the hospital as the desired test was not done until this afternoon.  So probably release date tomorrow.  

Plan B for her as I see it is memory care until the  money runs out and then a nursing home.  I think there will be enough money for three years in memory care based on the income and savings she would have after his death.  A much shorter time  if he decides to live separately and actually stays that way.  He won’t.  A few weeks on his own and he will be forced into return as he can’t take care of himself either. Yes I will still try to take care of things for him if Mom goes to MC, NH or dies before him as long as he hasn’t left and lets me help him. He’s my step-dad, but his kids aren’t going to help him.