Help with placing a parent in assisted living

KillAlz

Hi
I am the one looking for help with this.

I have been helping my Dad for close to a year an a half who has alzheimers, I have worked on his VA benefits, took over his finances paying his bills, monitoring his accounts etc..

I became POA early on realizing he was going to become unable to make coherent decisions and I would be unable to do anything, thank God I did this.

I tried to get him Medical, covered CA and he was denied both.
the VA benefits I worked on over a year and still have not got where I was hoping with this.
He does now have VA medical benefits but he already has Medicare so it really is not a big deal.
What I was hoping was help with placing him, not that they will not do this but I saw a few things that discouraged me like income level.
On top of it they sent me a lot of forms to fill out and I am not sure exactly how to do this and I need to get my Dad placed not filling out forms for something I may be denied.

So I moved to his retirement accounts and worked with his financial guy and was able to bring up his income quite a bit, like doubled it.
So now I am in a much better position to place him.

However I am now having trouble on how to place him, been trying for about a month and I am seeing this turning into another long drawn out road that I do not want to go down, I've been down enough of these and I am trying to avoid going down another one.

I took 4 days off of work to get this taken care of one way or another and it went completely wrong, nothing at all went right and I wasted 4 vacation days only to feel like I totally failed, my motivation is pretty much destroyed being I do not know what to do, I know what I can do but I am trying to get my Dad the best help I can not just dump him off anywhere & be done with it.

So I don't know if this will do any good or if anyone will even read this and have suggestions or just relate and support some how.

I have been doing this 100% by myself, no family is helping at all, that is another story.

I honestly don't really have any friends, no wife or girlfriend, nothing and I am very burnt out.
Not sure what I did to deserve this but this is what I got and I am not happy about it but I need to deal with it and if anyone has anything they have to say whatever it may be please by all means!

Thank you! 

Fairyland

I feel the same, but somewhat  different problems. I’ve been doing a lot of reading and I noticed there is such a thing as a geriatric care manager who might be able to help you.

harshedbuzz

Hi KillAlz-

I want to help but I am confused by what- exactly- you are asking.

It sounds as if you have already done a great deal of the legal and financial prep work around assisting your dad with what comes next. If you are confused by VA paperwork, an elder law attorney should be able to cut that paper tiger for you. 

My dad was a vet, but not career or service disabled, so he didn't qualify for much through the VA though he would have qualified for our state-run veterans home. 

HB

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Cynbar

I agree that a geriatric case manager could be a big help to you. There is a fee, but this person will be a trained nurse or social worker who has a lot of experience with seniors and should have good knowledge of what is available to you. Ask your dad's MD office if they have any suggestions, or google "geriatric case managers near me." I think in your case, it would be money well spent.

jfkoc

It is not easy to find a placement that you want to care for ones father. 

The websites make everything look nice. The representative who talks to you or shows you around will positively glow about their facility. If you have a tasty meal you think it is a good place. Likewise if it doesn't smell of urine.

These are all pluses but you need to get down to the nuts and bolts and you can do this without leaving your home.

Discuss with them the specific training for new staff as well as ongoing. You want to turn your mother over to professionals, right? Then they need to share with you exactly why they are trained professionals. You can accomplish this over the phone,

And while you are on the phone ask them to send you a copy of the contract you would be signing as well as a copy of their license application.

Any balking....cross them off your list.

Support groups can supply a wealth of information from good/bad Drs and good/facilities.

You have already done a lot of the work. Pat yourself on the back, put your feet up and let the phone help.