Tiny losses

ElaineD

Every day now there are tiny losses in my DH's memory.

Yesterday we went to our favorite restaurant with our son, for Mother's Day.

My DH ordered, and when the food came DH slid his order toward our son.  "This is your order, Dad."  "It is?"  And he accepted it, and we went on. 

I also notice that when he enters the conversation at dinner, he often talks in such general terms, some times, rather than clearly stating his thought.  There are often puzzled looks at the table.  

I usually know what he wants to say, since we've been married 59 years.  So I make some comment that clarifies his thought, without contradicting him, and the conversation progresses.

He also has no sense of time (he still wears a watch, but doesn't look at it, I guess) and I have to find him in his workshop or he will miss an appointment (his phone won't work in the workshop, oh that's an irony!). If he's in our gym or elsewhere in our building, I can call him, except when his phone rings in the other room because he's forgotten to take it!

It seems he can't initiate a topic easily or clearly, or remember basic information.  A brilliant mind is slowly ebbing away.

Each small loss devastates me.  I know it's early days. And as our son said yesterday,"Mom, it's only going in one direction."  I KNOW that, but it is still so painful.

Just venting.

Elaine

Rescue mom

I think I know how you feel. My DH has lost memories of his children and grandchildren, and big trips we made. Conversation and cell phone use is long gone. Too much to list. I thought I’d gotten used to all that and gave up any expectations.

But yesterday, without thinking much about it, I said something that had always been an inside joke for us, something he’d always remembered and laughed/smiled at. Yesterday I said the phrase, offhand, and....nothing. He just looked at me totally blank. For some reason, that hit hard. I had to leave the room.

It’s such a tiny thing compared to other losses and inabilities,  but somehow it hurt more.

Lcpsurry

I feel the same... these losses hurt..and i am just beginning. My husband was diagnosed with AD in january, late middle stage. But it seems to be advancing fast. The little things, our personal little things,  he has lost makes me feel alone and like I’ve lost him already. When he doesn’t trust me, or remember some of our best times together....

.

Hudson

My husband is also in the early stages of Lewy Body Dementia. I have taken over handling virtually every aspect of our lives. He has his moments when he is aware of what’s going on. But the most difficult part of this journey are those moments when he does not know Me. Just tonight when he was going to bed we hugged and I asked him if he knew I was his wife and he said, no, not really. He doesn't remember most of our life together and we’ve been married 30 years. It is becoming a lonely existence for me since we can’t share all the moments that made up our marriage.

CStrope

May 10th is always a tough day for me, it is the anniversary of my mom's death.  My DH had been very difficult all Mother's Day, so that made me extra sad.  My son must have told DH that I was really sad because when I went to go to bed, there was a card waiting for me.  But the note he wrote didn't make any sense.  The sentences were mixed up, and the words were poorly chosen.  But he ended it with "I Love You".  

I'm still trying to stop the tears.....

ElaineD

Thanks to all of you.  I have tears in my eyes, reading your words.   And strange as it may sound, I am honored to have these tears, and you are giving me what I need.

Elaine

Ed1937

On another thread, I said I didn't think there were any "little losses". Some are harder to accept, but they all hurt. 

Paris20

My husband used to be able to fix anything. He was an accounting professor who knew plumbing, electricity, wood-working, and other aspects of construction. Now he can do none of it. Just today he couldn’t even open a box of tissues. I did it for him, with a lump in my throat.

SSHarkey

Oh Elaine! I completely understand! It’s the little things that can hurt so much! The private joke  you’ve shared for years that suddenly is greeted by a look of confusion. Shared memories you have with just the two of you that you can no longer share together. The loss of your memory companion! So much in tiny little bites!

White Crane

Yes, those little losses hurt so much.  Each one breaks our hearts a little more.  I'm sorry you are going through this, Elaine.

Bhopper

I can add nothing but understanding and compassion for your loss as well. I know as I see things fade from my DW it also breaks my heart! I try to remember sometimes when it was not a fear 24 hours a day what will go next.

One thing that helps me tremendously for a short burst is sometimes if I act silly she will laugh like her old self  and that gives us both a lift even if only for a moment.