A most difficult day

elruth

DH will soon be 91 and I am 81. He is moderate stage Alzheimer's and was diagnosed 5 yrs ago. 3 yrs ago had brain surgery for subdural hematomas. ( 24 Holes in his head for brain bleeds )

He has no short term memory. He had surgery today for basal cell cancer on his nose. That appt including travel was close to 6 hrs.When we got home and after lunch, he took a nap and took off his bandage. I called the nurse and she told me what to do re: rebandaging. I ended up rebandaging his nose 3 x. I even put socks on his hands so he wouldn't take the bandage off but to no avail.

He has NO memory of even having this surgery and when he took off the bandage, blood got on his shirt, slacks, blanket. He does have a small bandage under the big one and the stitches are the kind that dissolve. Today I wondered how much longer I can do this. I pray he can go peacefully in his sleep and not live several more years with this disease. Usually I do quite well taking care of him and he can be left alone when I go grocery shopping, get a massage etc. I have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome so stress exacerbates these illnesses.

I am just venting as I have no family close by. I also feel guilty as I was expressing my displeasure that he had taken off the bandage 4 x. Of course he doesn't even know what is going on. I am hoping and praying I can be more patient but I felt like I was at the end of my rope today. Thanks for listening.

M1

So sorry Elruth. Funny, we called and cancelled a dermatologist appointment this morning for similar. My partner just wasn't up to it and she will never leave bandages on either. Am reconsidering whether we'll reschedule. She normally has to go every three months but I think we're past that point.

LadyTexan

Good morning elruth.

That sounds like a difficult, frustrating and exhausting day! It is no wonder you were near the end of your rope.

DH had several spots on his back that had to be removed. I remember him being very VERY uncomfortable after they were carved out. Predementia we were very diligent about at home mole mapping monthly. I would take pictures of anything that looked suspicious or appeared to be changing. We kept his dermatologist informed. After his formal Alzheimer's diagnosis in February 2019, the mole mapping and concerns of skin cancer fell by the wayside. 

Because DH's spots do not cause him discomfort, the spots are not a concern for either of us now. We both would be relieved if DH exited this world by a transition other than Alzheimer's Disease. We may be naive in thinking skin cancer would bring along a kinder, gentler death.

God has been quite a comedian in my life...when I pray for patience, He gives me opportunities to practice patience. For example, more red lights, slower check out at the grocery store and longer lines at the bank. 

I hope today is a better day for you and your DH. God bless you dear.

Ed1937

That would be trying for anyone, even if they did not have their own problems. It's not hard to understand why you might be at the end of your rope. I hope things get better for both of you soon.

dayn2nite2

Perhaps at 91, with this experience as a guide, it's worth reconsidering whether to "treat" anything, including cancer?

elruth

Thanks for your kind replies and encouragement.

elruth

dayn2nite2 wrote:

Perhaps at 91, with this experience as a guide, it's worth reconsidering whether to "treat" anything, including cancer?

 

I decided to have it done as the basal cell cancer on his nose kept bleeding for the past several years every time he would scratch it and then it would heal and then the bleeding scenario would happen again.

Paris20

My husband had a small skin cancer removed from his scalp two weeks ago. He has been complaining non-stop about it ever since. His short term memory is gone so he forgot the procedure as well as the bandaid on top of his head. I had to change the bandaid every day for two weeks, while explaining what I was doing and why. Now that the bandaids are gone, my husband has asked me dozens and dozens of times today what happened to his head. I tried to cut down the explanation to the smallest amount of words possible. I will be repeating my answers until he is fully healed.

elruth

Yes, my DH asks me several times a day.....what happened to my nose?  To retain my sanity, I  repeat the same answer. "You had basal cell cancer surgery on your nose and it isn't dangerous and your nose is healing nicely." I almost feel like " This is a recording" as I bet I have to say it many many times a day..