Pushes my buttons

Kevcoy

Thank you all for your helpful information that you provide on this forum.  I have tried to follow your good advice like not over reacting to some of the outlandish statements that come out of my DH's mouth.  I have also stopped getting upset and angry about things that been lost or are missing, sort of.  My husband had his ears pierced for years and likes to wear small studs.  When he lost some turquoise studs he had a friend take him to the mall where he purchased new ones for $480 which were promptly lost the. next day.  I talked to the friend who told me he didn't want her to go into the jewelry store.  I keep telling him we will find them, keep looking.  The thing I'm having the hardest time is accepting is the anger at me.  He keeps saying things like he wants to move out to get away from his family and me.  When I go to work he says I shouldn't expect to see him when I get home.  He is taking pictures off the wall saying he doesn't want me to have anything that was his.  There is a huge pile of pictures on the dining room table.  It is so hurtful.  Even though I know it isn't him, my heart breaks every time I hear him rage against me.  Every morning I don't know who is going to be there, the nice husband or the angry one.  More days then not it's the angry one.  There is more but I'll stop for now.

LadyTexan

I am so very sorry Kevcoy. I was in similar circumstances and it was horrible.

My DH raged at me for a very very very long time. I felt like a human pinata due to his verbal assaults. There was many a day that my DH stated he was going to leave me. One day he actually packed a bag and headed out the door. He said nothing to me on his way out. I called the police and reported him as an "at risk adult" due to his Alzheimer's. DH was promptly found by the police. DH did not want to come back to our apartment. DH's adult son was contacted by the police. DH's adult son took DH to a hotel, where DH stayed at least a day.

DH threatened to divorce me on multiple occasions stating I ruined his life, I made him sell his house and I wouldn't let him drive. This was devastating to me because my goal was to keep DH safe and happy and care for him the best that I could. 

I told the elder law attorney about DH's behavior. The attorney and I discussed scenarios including me divorcing DH, DH divorcing me, and guardianship. The attorney stated that the phase of DH raging was probably the worst phase and commonly happens. The attorney stated it would get better. Fortunately, in our case it did. 

But things did not get better over night. I was in counseling. DH ended up in the psych hospital. DH's stay to the psych hospital was such a blessing because it resulted in our connection with an amazing Geriatric Psychiatrist. The Psychiatrist adjusted DH's meds. I continued counselling. I learned about reacting calmly to DH and I learned about validation.

Meanwhile, while I was at work during the day, DH was having shopping extravaganzas on Amazon. DH's shopping created an even greater strain on our already precarious financial condition. It was so stressful. I totally can feel your pain regarding the turquoise stud. And things getting lost. Often DH was just throwing things away, like the TV remote.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Is there a possibility of limiting his spending and protecting your pocket book without a catastrophic reaction? 

I hope this phase passes quickly. In the meantime, take especially good care of you. Know that you are special and you are loved. We are here for you.

Battlebuddy

   Thank you both for posting . We are just going through this now at our house . Can greatly sympathize with not knowing if nice husband or mean husband is going to show up every day. Husband is now pulling aside his family members and asking to come live with them. Because I am the most horrible person in the whole world. 

   So Thanks for your words Lady Texan.  I signed up for a therapist. Had an angry dad which doesn’t help. But I’m getting better at staying calm or when I feel myself getting upset leaving the room. I’ve tricked out the garage like a family room and can go sit with my tea. Want to be there for him but don’t want to be a punching bag.