How to deal with anxious behaviors in the moment?

eimaj

My grandmother is not diagnosed with dementia, but I've spoken to people with familiarity with Alzheimer's and dementia and they believe she sounds like she has vascular dementia due to strokes. Some of the things we've been dealing with with her is her lack of patience (if she needs help with something, she needs it now or she freaks out), her use of extreme language to get sympathy or attention or help, and her negative perceptions of everything.

She is in an assisted living facility I believe is working for her, but she is not happy there. She was not happy when she was at her home either, and she had a lot of physical needs and she was at high risk of falling. Now she is fixated on returning home and getting in home care although her insurance does not cover it. I don't think she would be happy anywhere sadly.

I'm wondering how to address her behaviors in the moment such as what I listed above. It works to do redirection, calling her out if she is bitching about a family member who is helping her a lot by saying please don't talk badly about that person, or just listening and reflecting back what she's saying. But sometimes it's really hard to know what to do. She gets so impatient and scared sometimes whether I'm there in person or talking to her on the phone. Is there any way to reassure her or make up things that might reassure her? Or is that rewarding her for negative attention and is there other ways to handle it?

Thank you!

jfkoc

A quick thought. How is she with other people? It may just be you.

Glendoe

My husband has Alzheimer’s.  How do I cope with him in the middle of the night if he gets up and I can’t get him back to bed?   He can become aggressive and I do not know how to cope.  This doesn’t happen a lot.   Thank you.  Glenys.

Sjodry

Eimaj,

It sounds like you are using the right approach with your grandmother. My mother is helped with a medication (Seroquel) which lessens some of the same behaviors you describe. If she is not on any medication, you might wish to speak with her doctor or establish a psychiatrist who is well versed in dementia behaviors. 

While it can seem like our loved ones are acting out for attention, the disease is driving the behavior (s). One thing that I try to always be mindful of with my mom, is my tone of voice. When her emotion or anger increase, my tone softens with her and I use touch to reassure her. I play music daily for her which calms her mood also.

It is different for each person, but in my mom’s case, we went through a strong stage of these ‘easy to anger’ blow-ups and ‘no filter’ verbal assaults, but it has lessened for her in some ways as the disease has progressed. I would definitely try to get some meds for her.

Good luck and take care.

Sandy

Bhopper

My wife who is only 61 has been dealing with the roller coaster of emotion for close to 5 years. I have learned for me as harsh as it may sound her want to not exceed her safety. I tried in the beginning to use logic and reason but the truth is that is blh blh blh to her. Everyone is different but in our case it seems if I don't change my tone or reaction she eventually settles. It may last 1 hour much like the the event. As we have gone through the progression I have learned to ask for help which I pay for but it gives her a break from me 4 hours a day during the week. The extreme behavior is reserved for me because at this point she still realizes I will take almost anything she needs to say to get past that moment in time. Sorry to ramble but I think you helped me.