Moving to MC???

TK67

My mother is 77 and has late state Alzheimer's.  She has been living with me for the past year and half.  In the past few weeks she's become weak and is losing her mobility.  Although she receives palliative/hospice care with a nurse that checks on her once a week and an aid that helps with showers 3 times a week it suddenly doesn't seem like enough.  Also, our house is not equipped for wheelchairs or walkers to be used in the bathrooms.  My sister and I realize that she might get better care at a Memory Care Facility.  We have decided on a location but our big question is....

How do we transition mom from my home to her new home?  What do we tell her?  What did you do with your LO in the same situations?  What advice can you offer us.  Thank you!

Sjodry

TK67,

My mom’s move to memory care was made very quickly (straight from the local hospital) to the unit. I never told her that she was going to a new facility. Cognitively, she was not even aware enough to realize that she was in a new location in that moment. In her higher cognitive moments she would ask where she was and when she came there. I just told her that the doctor needed her to be “here” to take care of some of her medical issues.

Thankfully, it was a smooth transition. 

I hope it will be the same for you.

Sandy

harshedbuzz

We told dad he was going to see a new doctor. Once at the MCF, the activities director swept him away to the afternoon matinee with a snack and we left. 

The next dad we visited him and told him the new doctor wanted him to stay for some rehab to get steadier on his feet. To that end, we did not decorate his room to be "homey" at first- we made it more like a concierge status hospital room.

May flowers

We were going to find a way to get my 81 yo FIL there with a fib, but my husband decided the day before he would just tell him the truth. He was up and ready to go the next morning and it was not a problem at all. We spent several hours there with him and while he was nervous, he seemed pretty accepting, all things considered. We sat with him in the common area and the other residents chatted with him and some made him laugh.

Moving him to our house a year ago was more difficult, though.

But I can’t say I would recommend going that route - it could have gone south in a hurry! But it worked out for us. Maybe it was just the point he was at - not combative (yet) or maybe it was that he was at our house for a year - he was never seemed “at home” here. Going from his home to MC might have been a lot more difficult. Also, he also trusts my husband completely, if he told him the sky was purple, my FIL wouldn’t argue. 

However, I don’t know what we would have done if my FIL woke up that morning and refused to go.

King Boo

Loosing mobility?  Weaker?  Receiving hospice services so therefore possibly in the last 6 months of life?

It is likely Mom will need skilled nursing facility, unless the Memory Care is very very high acuity with lots of medical services (and likely an affiliated skilled nursing facility on site).

Very wise of you to recognize her care needs are accelerating beyond what can be provided at home.  The final months can be very intense.

"Your doctor wants you to get some extra help for a little, I'll be there with you a lot to help."

Keep it simple.

May flowers

Some MCs while they may not provide hospice, do allow hospice to come in and take care of a resident. Where my FIL is at does. They have different levels of care - when the person is no longer ambulatory and needs help with all daily tasks (eating, toileting, grooming, 2-person transport/hoyer), they provide it, but it costs more. 

They don’t do major medical things like feeding tubes, vents, dialysis, those sorts of things require a SNF.

Having said that, I don’t know how receptive a MC would be to taking someone already at the highest level of care.