Scarey new behavior

White Crane

DH has started leaving the house when he gets upset or angry about something.  It started on Easter Sunday when I said something that upset him and he got up and walked out the front door.  I wrote about that in another post.  When I caught up to him, he was about to cross a busy street.  It took forty five minutes to get him to come back home and then only because his sister was here and went out and talked to him.  Since then, it has happened several more times.  The latest was last week when our son was visiting.  Our son was doing some grocery shopping for us and called to ask me about something.  DH answered the phone and instead of making small talk with his dad, he asked to speak to me.  DH immediately got up and walked out the front door.  A couple of minutes later I went outside to make sure he was alright.  He wasn't.  I found him lying below our patio where he had fallen.  He was just lying there and his scalp was bleeding.  He was conscious but very confused.  He didn't remember walking out or falling.  Thank God nothing was broken and I was able to help him up and get him back into the house.  This is insane!  I can't have him walking out like this.  He's going to end up getting hurt...or worse.  Putting new locks high up on the door won't work.  DH gets livid if he is locked in or out and I don't know if I could handle that situation.  Maybe an alarm?  I thought about calling his neurologist but he usually isn't very helpful.  Have any of you dealt with this problem?  Advice please.

Lorita

Hi White Crane,  From your post it sounds like you live in town so my suggestion probably wouldn't work.  We live in the country with a fenced in yard.  Charles walked off two or three times and my neighbor and I were able to get him back home so had to do something.  We have six gates to our yard so I put locks on each one of them.  He'd try to get out but couldn't get them open and the fence was too tall to crawl over.  That worked for us.  If your yard is fenced, that might work.  It's dangerous for your husband to be out and about like that - the time might come when you couldn't get him to come back.  Hopefully, someone else will have a good suggestion.  What about locks on your house doors.   I'm sure that would make him angry but that's better than him being injured.  Good luck.

dayn2nite2

If you can't tolerate the anger that putting locks on the top of the doors would cause, you may be looking at placement to keep him from danger when he leaves the house.

Do you have a facility picked out as your Plan B?  If not, I would get moving on that and it needs to be a locked facility with keypads so he cannot leave.

When you say he "gets livid" if locked in or out, what does that look like?  Is it just yelling or is he physically aggressive and 911 is needed?  If he's aggressive then I would definitely consider the time for taking care of him at home may be over.

Rescue mom

Sorry, I’m in the “Angry is better than hurt” camp. day2night has already said it all.

ButterflyWings

White Crane, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this problem behavior. Scary, indeed.

I'm with the other posters. Angry is better than hurt, or dead. Imagine if you'd been a few minutes later and he fell crossing that busy street. There would be no getting over the guilty feeling, plus he could cause other people harm with car crashes trying to avoid hitting him.

My DH is always exit seeking even when he's in a good mood. Every day (except for the new days when he won't leave his bed). But he also tried to leave in a huff a couple of times. I reminded him the alarm was going to go off and it sends the police...he locked himself in the bedroom (I can open it on my end with a butter knife), and he immediately set off the burglar alarm, alerting me he was trying to climb out the window.

We keep the alarm on 24/7, and I would recommend you go ahead with the locks. I actually plan to upgrade to keyless remote entry so I don't have to wear the keys on my person all the time. He's a rummager and pilferer...hate to say that. So, for now the alarm stops him but it might not always.

Ed1937

Mine is from a little different perspective. Alarms should be used before locks, if that would do the trick for you. If he got a little too upset with you for the doors being locked, he could hurt you, or worse. So in my opinion, locks should be a last resort. Of course if the alarms don't do the trick, locks might be necessary.

And if the neurologist isn't helpful, maybe it's time to look for another one.

lovebonita

White Crane, I am sorry this is happening now to your DH and you are dealing with the consequences.  

My Father was a physically fit late stage dementia sufferer when this very situation presented itself in his behavior patterns.  It was triggered usually by him feeling out of control by someone telling him what to do or him hearing something he did not want to listen to or hear, basically giving him directions of any kind became very difficult.  He could not longer communicate his feelings so his way to deal was to flee, he was a cross country runner so when he decided to make a move he made tracks fast.

My Mom was his caretaker with some in home care help every day to help her out.  He would flee on foot, one time falling on the pavement and causing himself an injury that required stitches. He also fled with no pants one day completely naked from the waist down. He simply became too difficult to manage very quickly and it was a clear danger to himself and to my Mother.  This is the point we decided to place him in a nursing home.  It was simply taking too much of a toll on my Mom.

IMO the combination of physical ability and advanced dementia/alzheimer's is a recipe for wandering and exit seeking.  My Mom is now stage 6c alzheimer's diagnosis and currently is almost constantly exit seeking at night due to her sundowner issues.  She is physically fit, able to walk and has the energy still so it's a trying situation, we have recently decided to place her on a waiting list for a nursing home mostly because of this situation, it is almost impossible to manage in the home without a tremendous amount of help and security in place. All it takes is one slip, a door not locked, someone thinking the other person locked it or someone not setting an alarm correctly.  

White Crane

Dear Lorita, Butterfly Wings, day2night2, Rescue Mom, Ed, and Bonita, thank you all so much.  You have certainly given me a lot to think about.  Our yard isn't fenced, so there is no way to keep him in the yard.  Even the yard isn't completely safe as we have some uneven places.  DH has trouble walking for any distance and can't stand for a long time so he probably wouldn't go too far...but could get injured.  I'm going to call his neurologist today and see if he can prescribe something to help.  Also, I will be looking into what alarms are available for the doors.  The noise of an alarm would probably be very upsetting to him but would also deter his leaving...I hope.  Bonita, what you said about why your father would try to leave described my DH.  If he feels embarrassed or hurt, that seems to trigger it the most.  Thank you all so much for your help.  I wish I could give you each a hug.

abc123

Dear White Crane, I just want you to know I’m so sorry this is happening to you and DH.  You definitely have a lot to think about and I wish you the best.