VENT: This is NOT a 24 hour diner

LadyTexan

This is a very petty vent. I am over-reacting I know. My annoyance is real and I am going to feel it, until I am done feeling it.

DH is up at 4:30 am. I get up at 5 and make him coffee. He wants his meds and I oblige. I make him oatmeal at 7 am. I fancy it up with cinnamon and cranberries. At 10:30 am he is hungry again. I make him a large bowl of hearty pot roast.

I go grocery shopping. As usual I ask him for requests and he has none. I bring the groceries home and put them away. I go to out garage and work ESPECIALLY hard for hours putting his things in boxes. His things have gotten all over the place as he takes them out and moves them around. I was fine leaving his stuff topsy turvy but the garage is turning into an OSHA hazard and I needed to get to an architectural piece that he has been whining about for months. Its 6 feet tall and 4 feet across. He wants to display it in the house. BTW - I don't want it in the house.

I come in periodically to ensure he is okay and I ask if he needs anything. He wants queso and chips. The queso is an easy fix, but we are out of sufficient chips. Which I explain.

I work more in the garage. It is hard, dirty work. 

When I come inside, I think, we don't have sufficient chips for queso, but I might be able to manage microwave nachos. So I dig through the nearly empty bag of chips and pull out the ones that are more than crumbs. DH walks into the kitchen and I say "I am making you microwave nachos". He says okay then returns to the man cave. When the nachos are ready, I tell him they are ready. DH then states he wants a hot dog! I asked if he heard me say I made nachos for him. He gets pouty and says that I made the nachos for myself (not him). Now he is pouty and says he will wait to eat until tomorrow.

What burned me so badly was when he reiterated that I made the nachos for me (not him). I have been busting my tail all morning for him and he accuses me of focusing on myself! Argh!

amicrazytoo

I feel your pain. No advice to offer, just hope venting helped.

David J

LT, a PWD has no sense of others’ efforts in their behalf. I will work for hours (as you did) with no recognition whatsoever from DW.  Her response is “but I....” or something similar. So self absorbed, but that’s part of the disease, and I know it is, but it still hurts.  I’ve tried to ignore all this and just do what needs to be done. Hang in there!

Bhopper

Amen,

Hang in there understand the feeling the appetite along with demanding schedule. Just know you have folks who support you even if from a distance. If it was easy everyone would do it! You are one of the people who choose the hard way for the right reason. 

Rescue mom

You did not over-react, not at all. This is a textbook example of how dementia patients lose empathy and/or any recognition or appreciation for what others do. There seems to be a lot of newcomers here, this may be a lesson for them. A hard lesson, but that’s what this disease does.

60 falcon

I'm right there with you. I don't think it's petty and I don't think you are over reacting.  I've thought about posting something similar several times.

Most days I cook at least two hot meals a day for my wife.  For the last several months she's been "stuck on" wanting burgers and tater tots every day.  I've cooked so many burgers I feel like I could compete with MC Donald's.  She forgets that she just ate and she starts asking about what and when we're going to eat next.  She eats way more than me and it shows.  She's always hungry.  And drinks non-stop.  Coffee, iced tea, diet coke, cranberry juice.  Sometimes I'll get two or three different drinks at one time and she's still not satisfied.  She's can't even get herself a glass of water so I feel like a full-time waiter, along with everything else.  I get her one kind of drink and then she wants the other, and on and on and on.  I don't mind cooking but trying to keep her satisfied is very frustrating.

I do wish I could get away from her long enough to do some good, hard, dirty work. Lol.  But I can't because she's always following me and can't be left alone.  But that's a different topic.

Hang in there Lady Texan, sounds like this kind of thing is pretty common.

White Crane

Dear Lady Texan,  You aren't overreacting at all.  Caregiving is hard work and our loved ones don't understand.  Like others have said,  the disease causes them to become self absorbed.  My DH talks about himself and his ailments and his problems and his age endlessly and very seldom asks about mine.  It hurts.  Hang in!  You are a wonderful, caring person and we all care about you.

LadyTexan

Thank you all. I appreciate your understanding and support.

I hope we all have a better day today.

God bless all of you and your loved ones.

abc123

Dear LT, I don’t think this is a petty vent! I understand because my Mom thinks I am a short order cook! If I’m not fast enough she will take a utensil in each hand and bang them on the table shouting “Feed Me! Feed Me!”  

It’s ALWAYS SOMETHING isn’t it!

LadyTexan

I definitely feel like a short order cook, but some of the things he wants are not short order items.

DH was pouty most of the day yesterday. I received the silent treatment most of Tuesday. I turned up my kindness quotient a couple of notches because I knew DH would sense any negativity or frustration that I might harbor. 

Today DH seems more even keel. DH requested pizza for breakfast (frozen, not from scratch). I fed him pot roast for lunch. Thank goodness I have been able to stretch it out! For dinner I made him cheese, crackers, sliced cold cuts with a side of olives. He seems more than content this evening. We even had some fun!

DH spends most of the day in his man cave watching TV which is a mix of news and opinion. He called me into the man cave to see a senator speaking. DH said "look how sharp he dresses. I want to dress like that!" I asked, you mean with a tie. DH said oh yes!

We went to his closet and picked out a very handsome tie and he said he wanted to wear it. So I tied it for him and he was so proud when I told him how sharp he looked. I swear he was like a little kid with a new pair of sneakers.

DH wore the handsome tie over a T-shirt and jammy pants. He definitely looked handsome but more importantly, he was happy. It was a magical moment after the 24 + hours of the cold shoulder.